BELOVED

Gratitude

2011-04-17T23:54:00.004-04:00

So I'm getting a procedure done tomorrow to check out my esophagus...nothing really to worry about but I'll still be mostly out of it while they do it. In typical worry wart fashion I wanted to go to confession before this procedure, after all it's been almost 2 months since the last time I went (EEEK!!!). It's amazing how the grime of sin builds up over time...I haven't felt this need for confession in a while, and although I have no mortal sin on my soul, I could feel the dirt and weight of the hundreds (probably thousands) of venial sins built up over the last 2 months.

My penance for confession was to spend 3 minutes in front of the crucifix thanking the Lord. During my time in front of Christ, kneeling at the communion rail I was overwhelmed with gratitude.

I realized that (God forbid) should I die tomorrow I have no real regrets in my life.

I have been SO blessed in my life!! I have been given so much love, and friendship and fellowship.

I have traveled around the world, done almost everything I have ever wanted to do, and been blessed with a strong relationship with my Lord. Should I die, I know where I am going (most likely purgatory but I could hope for higher right). I know that there is an eternity waiting for me and when we think about life, our whole existence here on earth, even if it is more than 100 years, is still nothing but a blink of an eye in the realm of eternity. But my blink of an eye here has been full of blessings. I have the most wonderful parents who have done nothing but love me and support me. They are truly my best friends and I can tell them everything, I can't imagine my life without them.

I have been blessed with the opportunity to receive a wonderful education, first at BC, and now in medical school. I have traveled the world, gone to almost everywhere I have ever wanted to go, seen the beauty of other countries, and walked through Rome, most importantly I have shared those journeys with those I love most. What comes to mind is the pilgrimage that my parents, and I made with my best friend Etel almost 3 years ago. We took a whirlwind tour around Italy, including Rome, Pietriclina, Monte Cassino, Assisi, Venice, Lanciano, and my favorite...Loreto. Loreto is where the holy house where Jesus was raised is (yes I know he was born and raised in Nazareth...see this website for the explanation http://www.sacred-destinati

ons.com/italy/loreto-holy-house). Regardless of your beliefs about angels moving the house (see the website to understand what I'm talking about) there was a great peace there for

me... a great feeling of holiness.

Aside from my world travels, I have been blessed to live in Honduras for 2 years....to live in a wonderful community of believers and to meet the most holy and inspiring people I have

ever known. My whole experience in Honduras is forever written on my heart.

I will never forget my abuelas, especially dona paulita and dona

margharita. My girls, Candida, Jenny, Keilin, Rixie, Dulce, Josie, Erika, Suyapa, Milagro, and all the others...they are forever written on my heart and in my prayers. These beautiful young women who strive for holiness, who burst with joy and inspire me with their desires for growth. God was good enough to show me during my time in Honduras, just how wretched I am...that I can accomplish nothing but that I could learn so much. I learned about humility, love, compassion, hospitality, and perseverance. I was blessed to be a part of that community, and the community of the Missioners and the CFR's. I know that I would be a completely different person today were it not for them.

Basically, when I look at my life, I see a woman who has been blessed beyond all understanding. Why was I born into a life of privilege to parents who loved me unconditionally? when I was so far from God, He brought me back and called me to the truth. He called me out of darkness and gave me the grace to walk into the light. The best part and most humbling part, is that He continues to do that...He continues to love me. Much like Peter I have denied Christ multiple times in my life, and He keeps forgiving me.

When I look at my life I see a woman who is blessed to have had so many life experiences, opportunities, and most importantly to have been LOVED beyond what I am worthy of.

I have lived my dreams..I have been a ballerina, actress, college student, missionary, and now a medical student.

I have been a daughter, sister, and a friend. Although I know there is much more God could (and hopefully will) use me for, I can also say that should I die tomorrow I have lived a wonderful life, full of adventure, joy, and love and that I could not ask for more. All that I have is a gift and I am grateful...so tonight I thank you Lord. I thank you for the parents, family, and friends that you have blessed me with. I thank you for the life experiences, and resources that you have given me. I thank you for bringing me to OSU and letting me go to medical school. I thank you for my wonderful (future) roommates, my parish and all of it's priests, and for all the people that you have brought into my life. Most importantly I thank you for loving me and saving me. I thank you for being present in the tabernacles of all the churches throughout the world and for waiting there, loving us even until the end of time.

Welcome to the Desert

2011-03-10T13:29:00.003-05:00

"Remember, man, that you are dust and unto dust you shall return."

It's hard to believe it's that time again....but it is...it's lent. This year, just like many in the past, I find myself powerfully reminded of the need for conversion, fasting, and prayer. Lent is the time to repent- to struggle, to fast, pray, and see our sinfulness and return to God's loving arms begging mercy and forgiveness. The sacrifices of lent and the suffering encountered therein take different manifestations each year for me, but each one with it's own revelations and poignant lessons. Last year it was being in Host Defense for all of lent, missing holy Thursday mass because my exam was on Good Friday. It was about yearning for God, seeking His will, and recognizing that I'm just as sinful and wretched as everyone else. This year is no different...already full of suffering. Gracefilled? yes. An inspiration to pray and fast all the harder? YES!! Fun? Not so much.

Yesterday morning, my friend and I went to mass at 7am before our 8:30am class, received our ashes...big, dark crosses displayed across our foreheads. Seeing us walking into class made me think of revelation, when the followers of the beast all get the mark but only those who follow the Lord do not- not having the mark sets them apart for ridicule and shame. So it was with us. The 3 of us sitting in class of 160 people, our faith clearly displayed across our faces literally. No hiding our opinion or our thoughts on what we were about to discuss....which was controlling contraception. Little did we know that our whole class yesterday was going to be on birth control, abortion, and sterilization methods. in His mercy, my friend and I (and our other faithful Catholic friend) were all sitting right across the aisle from each other. We started with a case of a 16 year old girl who comes in for birth control- as we cared for her over the next 20 years of her life she went through 2 pregnancy scares, 1 abortion, 1 STD, 3 babies, 1 divorce, and 1 considered tubal ligation. All of that....I can't help but feel that this is a sad statement of what we've become as humans...that we kill our own children and rationalize our way out of it citing "convenience" and "free choice".

Well during this whole discussion I sat there with tears in my eyes and rosary in my hand. My friend, the spitfire that she is, actually had the guts to ask the professor if they spend as much time trying to save the baby as they do preparing the mother for the abortion. The tension and disdain in the room was tangible at that point. God forgive me, but I was fearful and timid. I know what I believe, but really didn't want to incur that wrath upon myself. I can rationalize it saying that I know they wouldn't have listened anyway, but still....I'm ashamed that I was almost embarassed, praying that she wouldn't draw too much attention to our cross lined selves sitting there like silent statues, nausea and tears. When I think about it now, it makes me think of the women who stood at the foot of the cross- silent, tearful, sad, and praying. And that's what I was= interceding that the holy spirit would give my friend wisdom in her words, and that God would work in the hearts of my classmates- me, a silent intercessor calling down the ranks of heaven to defend us and to defend what we believe.

I don't think anyone listened, at least not really listened. People label us as crazy fanatics, irrational and cruel. 'how can you make someone suffer like that?" they ask me....ironic since they're they ones killing someone. Even my physiology book says "Immediately after fertilization, the zygote or fertilized egg begins to divide and a new life begins." What is worse than just not agreeing with our viewpoint is the amount of anger and disdain that we encountered. I logged onto facebook that same day and a good friend of mine (who I spend a lot of time with - enough to know that we have VERY different perspectives on this subject) had posted something to the extent that if we don't agree with learning about abortion we should have gone to a Catholic medical school. This comment was obviously about my friend who was speaking up in class, but it still stung me. what's worse is that about 13 of my FRIENDS here at school liked the post and made additional comments. Of the ones I read, they were all negative towards the church and our beliefs about sex, masturbation, and the right to life. So much anger and ridicule. They must have known that I would see that- didn't they think about the fact that one of the people they are attacking and ridiculing is someone they're friends with??? I was tempted to send her an email, say SOMETHING about it- to try and speak up and put a face with the people they attacked- hoping it would turn their hearts or something. But God spoke to my heart and simply whispered "PRAY". So that's what I've been doing ....for the last 2 days I've been offering it up, fasting, and praying. Praying for my friends that seem to hate the most fundamental parts of who I and what I believe so much. Praying for an end to abortion. Praying for all the woundedness in the world. Praying that not a single soul would be lost to the fires of hell.

More than anything I'm just sad right now. I'm so sad at what we as a society have become, and the moral gymnastics that we flip to rationalize what we want. I know that the anger and all of that comes from deep inside - from hatred at seeing actions in the light. What we say is NOT what they want to hear, so they reject it whole heartedly and make us into fanatics and judgmental oppressors, when the reality is that we are the most free of everyone.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say, except- welcome to the desert.

Countdown to Jun 13, 2011 8:00 AM in Columbus

2010-12-09T12:33:00.002-05:00

http://timeanddate.com/s/1x21

I used to be wise...

2010-10-21T10:12:00.010-04:00

so the other night I was avoiding studying (much like I"m doing now) and I started reading some emails that I have saved from my communications with my friends. I realized that I used to be much wiser...much more centered on God. There I was receiving encouragement and inspiration from myself...from the words I sent to my dear friend. I pray you will be encouraged by them as well...and I pray that someday I may become fully God's someday.

my dear friend...it is hard to keep going in a world that is constantly telling us we're not good enough but there is one thing that gives us hope and strength...God and the truth of His love. You are perfect in HIS eyes...and it is HIS love and HIS promises. It is this truth and this consolation which makes even the darkest day bright. Your Joy in all circumstances can come from the truth that He will never leave you...that HE has great plans for your life...and that HE loves you unconditionally. He is waiting for you my friend...waiting in the tabernacle at your nearest catholic church. Waiting for you to come and let Him love you. I encourage you, especially in this time of uncertainty, to let yourself rest in the arms and the bosom of Christ. In HIm all things are made new...He loves you so much Nick and I truly pray that this can be your constant hope and inspiration. I am praying for you my friend and my brother. Take care and know that God loves you! He has plans for your life...read Jeremiah 11:39.

Jenny

--------------------------------------------------------------

I know God is there. I'm just so deprogrammed in seeing Him. In your mission have you been able to capture that love? What are the things you look at in life that help affirm that he is there? I see HIM on occasion, but I would love to get past the negativity and always know what to look for. You know what I mean?

I do appreciate your words. I guess the things that give me hope are those who have life experience. and that can bring humanity to God's Grace. At least be able to tell me what it means to them. Please share that with me. I need an other's own struggle to overcome to be positive. It's so easy to say that everything will be okay, but it's another to have seen and be fulfilling what God has sent them to do.

God Bless,

Nick

P.S I guess I just want to hear in your own words that you think of God and the challenges you are faced.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my dear friend...I have seen Him everywhere...even in my emptiness..even when I didn't realize I was seeing him (hindsight is 20/20). God has shown me how deeply faulted I am. My selfishness, and inability to love He has made crystal clear to me. This could be damaging except I see how this is making me a better person, a better servant. I see Him in the poor. IN their unwavering belief...we go to save them but it is them who teach us what it means to give, what it means to love. It is easy to get caught up in all that I am incompetent at doing (and believe me at times I do...I compare myself to others in the community and hate myself) but then I go before Jesus in the blessed sacrament and he reminds me how much he loves me. I am surrounded by people who are constantly reaching to become the men and women of God that He wants...not only that but I see Him and His love in my kids. in their hope...look for Him in the poor...but most importantly Nick look for Him in the blessed sacrament. There is Grace that comes from that and with each visit to confession, communion, and adoration His GRACE AND LOVE BECOME MORE APPARENT! I am not to the level of a saint where I can find good in everything but I am finally getting to where I am trusting HIm and HIS plan for my life. WE have these delusions that we can fix things, or that our strength is enough to do everything...it's NOT!! only HE is strong enough and once you give up your own will and your own strength it's easy to realize that He is in control.

God's grace is the ability to keep breathing after losing a child. It is the ability to look forward with the knowledge that one day you will be reunited. I have seen it most clearly in the hope...the people I work for who have absolutely nothing but their faith in God and a smile on their face. It is seen in forgiveness...the father who forgives his son's killer...the mother who keeps believing long after her child has been buried...and it is seen in the new life. The first time you smile...realizing that life will never been the same but that it's not supposed to. To see new life and new hope (different hopes yes...but hope nonetheless). As long as there is new life there is always hope...and as long as there is hope there is light...and the darkness can never put out that light.
It can be hard to believe in Love and hope and grace when you are always faced with more pain, more people that I can't help...but he's finally helping me understand that my strength, my resources are not enough but HE IS. That's all I can tell you...run to him in the blessed sacrament....believe even when you don't feel...and know that HE is always there waiting for you (but you don't have all the time in the world to show up). Christ in the blessed sacrament, the mass, and confession are my strength...they are what give me the grace to see the beauty everywhere.
I know these thoughts are scattered but they're the truth from my heart. I used to want to be like Mother Teresa...then I realized I need to be me. If Mother Teresa had been just like St. Teresa of Liseux then there wouldn't have been a mother Teresa. Now the question is praying and figuring out who God is calling YOU, Nick, to be...I am praying for you as always my brother! God bless !

Jenny

Dreams

2010-09-21T00:13:00.006-04:00

I want to be back out in the mission field...some days my heart yearns so deeply to be walking along dirt roads visiting houses, treating the sick, and living a simple life, that it hurts. I know that I have to be patient and that I have to be faithful to the mission field that God has called me to here...and Now....but it's still hard. I still dream of moving to Africa, of working with the poorest of the poor, of living a life of anonymity with great love and great service. I know it's a romantic notion, an ideal that I will probably never live up to...but I miss being in the third world. You'd never guess that to look at me...but I do. I miss giving of myself, I miss being reminded that there is more to life that just what is in front of me....I miss being real and I miss passion. I must be patient, allow God to work in my heart and give me the skills that will be useful, but I pray that when the time comes He will call me to all ends of the earth to serve with compassion, skill, and love. I wonder sometimes if I'm not still being called to religious life...that life appeals to me so dearly- to spend the whole day focusing on Jesus- loving Him in the poor, serving Him in the poor, and still getting daily mass and holy hour. I dream some days of being a religious sister and serving as a physician in the darkest, poorest parts of the world. I dream of being a martyr of love and self, even to the point of death itself. I know, I know this is foolish and overly romanticized but I just want to love Jesus with all that I have and to give all that I am to Him. I want to live a life that is big and that points everyone to the Lord and His love for all of humankind. I want to be a person that is so full of compassion and charity that people think of God!

I want so many things...but for right now I have to rejoice in this mission field...in the ways I can serve Jesus TODAY...HERE...in Columbus, Ohio and not in Africa. Lord, help me to love you as no soul has ever loved you and Lord, do with me as you will... I am yours...even to the point of martyrdom!

Seamos Santos

2010-06-04T12:07:00.005-04:00

It's hard to believe that I'm almost done with my first year of medical school. My last test is a week from today and I'm astonished. I'm astonished by how much I have learned and how much I have forgotten. I still struggle daily with my own wretchedness...how I fail to pray, fail to love God, fail to see and love Him in others. I fail in patience, and discipline, and charity, and prudence. I fail in honesty, and generosity, and in almost every way imaginable. Lord have mercy on me! I know that I must have hope though...that in my wretchedness He will find something usable, something that can contribute to His kingdom. I (try to) praise Him for all of His goodness! That He is teaching me humility and perseverance, that He is teaching me to rely on Him alone. My goal...my desire more than anything is to be holy...that I may live the phrase "Seamos santos" meaning...may we be saints. May we strive to be holy and to be wholly His and do all in love and for His glory!

I'm still struggling with how to live IN this world without being OF this world. But that is something I can learn by grace alone and through many trials and errors. I wonder some days, if I should have entered the Carmelites. The days when all I want to do is sit in adoration and spend time with the Lord (although those days are few), I wonder if my time and life would be better spent in contemplation, spent praying for all the sadness and pain and suffering in the world. Days when all I want to do is sit in my Father's arms but instead must study. In many ways going into the convent and leading a life of prayer feels easier, and more peaceful. But I know that that life has it's own struggles and difficulties, and that it's not what He has asked of me. He has asked me to find peace in the midst of chaos, and to spend my days adoring Him in the tabernacles of the sick and the dying. That I may see my patients and classmates and co-workers for what they really are, Christ in a distressing disguise. They will be my tabernacles, holding the mystery that is God inside of them. I'm trying to remind myself that in each person I see, and each patient I treat, I am treating the Lord and that God is present with me albeit in a different form than in the Eucharist which although different, is necessary.

Just an update on life in general, Monday June 14th I start my externship in family medicine. I'm excited to spend 4 weeks learning and really being with patients. I continue to work as one of 3 student coordinators for one of the free clinics here in town, and am excited to be serving as an orientation leader (with my friend Kristen) in August, and as a member of the Admissions Committee for the next 3 years. All in all, life is quite busy and fulfilling in its own way. That being said I'm still looking forward to a vacation to Hawaii with my family this summer and a trip to Honduras for Etel and Mark's wedding in July.

I continue to pray for you all, to offer up my suffering (however small it may be) for you and your intentions. Please continue to pray for me as well! SEAMOS SANTOS!!

"The end for which we are created invites us to walk a road that is surely sown with a lot of thorns, but it is not sad; through even the sorrow, it is illuminated by joy."- Bl. Pier Giorgio Frasatti

Encouragement

2010-02-24T09:52:00.004-05:00

So we have a massive test coming up in a week. It's over 90 bacteria, 90 diseases, and 90 different antibiotics to treat them all. We have to know epidemiology, symptoms, treatments, etc. Basically it's a crap load of information...and I'm scared. I'm scared and anxious...and I'm scared that my anxiety will cripple me like it did for the last test. (On my last test I changed 6 right answers.) At our "review" session yesterday my heart was racing and my chest was tightening...and I'm petrified that this will be like my practice MCAT all over again. So I'm praying right now for grace. For the grace to be at peace and to have no anxiety. Again I feel that this is my strongest witness to my faith, the ability to be calm and at peace in the middle of all of this.

Then there's Pier Giorgio. My wonderful sister Heather sent me a CD on him for Valentines day. I listened to it on my way to visit a friend yesterday and I sobbed and had to stop it half way through. He is everything I strive to be and yet fail to be. He managed to live in the world and have friends who weren't Catholic and still be authentic to who he was and who God was calling him to be without alienating anyone. I haven't learned how to do that yet. I want to!! I want to call others to holiness not by nagging them or acting pious but merely by being who God created me to be. But I'm afraid I missed the boat here. I've been so overtly Catholic that I think people might not want to be around me. I don't know how to balance going out with people and having fun with being a saint (or a striving saint at least). I'm greatly saddened that I cannot find this balance and that I cannot figure out how to be a witness of holiness. That's what I want more than anything! To give myself completely to Christ and to be wholly his! That when I die people would say that I made them want to love God by my love and passion for Him

I have failed...and miserably. I'm overbearing and falsely pious and a wretched, wretched sinner. But I have to keep trying. I can't give up. so this lent I ask Bl. Pier Giorgio to help me live in this world without being OF this world. To enflame my faith and grant peace to my heart. To help me increase in charity and love for all those around me. That I may continue to go to daily mass and pray even though I'm overwhelmed and stressed. To help me to radiate peace and charity at all times...especially when I have nothing left to give and can only rely on the one who gives all things.

So now I ask for your prayers...all 2 of you who read this blog. That next Friday (and all of this lent) you would please pray for me. That God, the God of peace and love, would grant me freedom from my anxiety. That any success and glory may be completely for HIM. That I may learn how to be a witness of Christ merely through my love for Him; not seeking attention or praise for my faithfulness but acting out of ardent love for He who stays with us in the Eucharist. That others may be drawn closer to God by His love for them reaching through me...that I may be a pencil in His hand...a mere instrument to be used by Him for His will and purpose.

Bl. Padre Pio ....pray for us!

St. Gianna...pray for us!

St. Rita...pray for us!

St. Raphael ....pray for us!

Venerable John Paul II...pray for us!

Bl. Mother Teresa...pray for us!

all you holy men and women....pray for us!

"God is faithful, says Holy Scripture, and He will not allow you to be tried beyond your strength...whatever the trial, He will see you through it safely, and so enable you to endure...you are like a piece of pottery, shaped by instruction, fired by tribulation. When you are put into the oven, therefore, keep your thoughts on the time when you will be taken out again, for God is faithful, and He will guard both your going in and your coming out.¨

-St. Augustine

Br. Lawrence of the Resurrection

2010-02-16T11:22:00.008-05:00

"The first means to acquire the Presence of God is great purity of life. The second is great fidelity to the practice of this presence and to the fostering of this awareness of God within, which must always be performed gently, humbly, and lovingly, without giving in to disturbance or anxiety. We must take special care that this inner awareness, no matter how brief it may be, precedes our activities, that it accompanies them from time to time, and that we complete all of them in the same way. Since much time and effort are required to acquire this practice, WE MUST NOT GET DISCOURAGED WHEN WE FAIL, for the habit is only formed with effort, yet once it is formed we will find contentment in everything. It is only right that the heart, the first to beat with life and the part that controls the rest of the body, should be the first and the last to love and adore God, whether by beginning or by completing our spiritual and physical activities, and generally, in all life's' exercises. It would be appropriate for beginners to formulate a few words interiorly, such as: "My God, I am completely yours," or "God of love, I love you with all my heart," or "Lord, fashion me according to your heart," or any other words love spontaneously produces. But they must take care that their minds do not wander or return to creatures. The mind must be kept fixed on God alone, so that seeing itself so moved and led by the will, it will be obliged to remain with God. This practice of the presence of God, somewhat difficult in the beginning, secretly accomplishes marvelous effects in the soul, draws abundant graces from the Lord, and when practiced faithfully, imperceptibly leads it to this simple awareness, to this loving view of God present everywhere, which is the holiest, the surest, the easiest, and the most efficacious form of prayer."
- Br. Lawrence of the Resurrection

I take hope from this. I have been feeling so confused lately. I blame part of it on the wretched weather we have here in Ohio. It's not hard to get depressed when you never see the sun. But more than that, I'm sad because I keep trying and striving for holiness and I keep failing.

Two things have happened in the last few days to discourage me, and one thing that surpasses all of those to encourage me.

First the discouragement:

1) while out with some friends on Friday night a friend of mine (who is not a believer) after drinking, told me that people thing I'm a gossip and that they are scared to tell me things b/c they're afraid I will judge them.
This saddens me beyond belief, and I have wracked my brains to try and evaluate if I have been gossiping (one of my greatest sins of the past) and I don't think I have been. I was also saddened that people feel that they can't approach me b/c I'm too religious. I know I came on strong at first but I don't want to deny who I am. I prayed that God would show me what to do. I pray that He will teach me to be a beacon of love in this world, that although they may think I'm too religious, when they need the truth and are ready to seek the truth they will come to me.

2) talking with a professor of mine (who IS a believer) she informed me that she was talking with a classmate of mine and encouraged her to spend time with me (since we are both "non traditional" students) and that classmate informed her something to the extent of "Oh, no. I can't. She's always trying to convert me to be Catholic or something..."

this also made me sad...I've only had a few conversations with this person, and admittedly all of them have been pretty intense but she started most of them. So I got home and took it to Jesus, and He soothed my soul. So what if people think I'm trying to convert them, I know that most of that is just how she perceives what I say and not necessarily WHAT I say. I will not apologize for who I am or for what I believe.

The encouragement:
I was in adoration on Saturday and Jesus spoke to my heart. He told me it's okay if I feel like a failure. That he fell three times on the way to crucifixion so that we would know that he understands what it's like to fail and to fall and to feel like a complete failure. That what matters is that we get back up again and keep trying. I had the most wonderful time praying the sorrowful mysteries and I again felt the Lord loving me....encouraging me to continue to love Him and especially to love Him for all those who don't love Him.

So as we prepare for lent, I'm getting back up off the ground again. Recognizing my wretched weakness and pride. Fearing that I am disappointing the one I love more than life itself. I pray that this lent I can continue to draw closer to Him and to love Him with all that I have. I know that God alone is enough and that if I have Him all will be well. Please pray for me as I do for all of you.

MARY

2010-01-27T09:31:00.000-05:00

“She is the one whom every man loves when he loves a woman - whether he knows it or not. She is what every woman wants to be when she looks at herself. She is the woman who every man marries in ideal when he takes a spouse; she is hidden as an ideal in the discontent of every woman with the carnal aggressiveness of man; she is the secret desire every woman has to be honored and fostered; she is the way every woman wants to command respect and love because of the beauty of her goodness of body and soul. And this blueprint love, whom God loved before the world was made, this Dream woman before women were, is the one whom every heart can say in its depth of depths: ‘She is the woman I love!’”
~Archbishop Fulton Sheen

I'm Ashamed

2010-01-24T15:17:00.002-05:00

I just received an email from a friend of mine talking about the Haiti earthquake. I like most people have been following the news online. I've cried and prayed and cried some more. I know without a doubt that our dear Father's heart is breaking with those of His children. That He mourns with them and that His Blessed Mother stands beside all those who weep giving them courage and comfort. I take some comfort in that. Yet I am ashamed. Why you ask?
The email that my friend sent me was talking about this girl, Molly Hightower. She was 22years old and from Portland. She was volunteering in Haiti and was found dead on Jan 15th in the wreckage of the orphanage where she was working. I am ashamed because as I read her blog and read about her life I realize that I am nothing but selfishness and mediocrity. Those who knew her talk about her passion and love for the poor and those with special needs. I realize how inadequate and incompetent I am at loving. I am selfish and caught up in my own life. I am judgemental, even when it comes to other Catholics. I realized today that I've been judging other Catholics in my class b/c I didn't think they were as devout as me...that's Pride if I've ever heard of it. And quite misplaced too I might add, these women are probably closer to God than I am because of their authentic desire to serve Him.
So I am ashamed because reading about Molly reminds me of all that I want to be. I want to be joyful and loving and full of life. I want to give myself completely to others and love them with reckless abandon. What makes me sad is that I think I used to be better at it. When I lived in Honduras I think I was better. I miss who I was there. I don't want to romanticize it, I know I had issues loving there as well (I remember always comparing myself to Brittany who loves so freely and so well) but I do think I was better. I was more authentically who God intended me to be. I am just so tired of mediocrity. I'm so tired of not living a life of extremes and of passion. I know that this is where God has called me but now I have to figure out how to be who He wants me to be here in this place. I have become so caught up with myself.
Lord have mercy on me. Give me Your grace to love with reckless abandon and to see You in every person I meet. Lord, help me to be a witness to everyone I come in contact with, that You are the center of my life. Empty me so completely of myself that nothing remains of me.
Let us pray for all those in Haiti, so many people who dedicated their lives to serving others were lost in this disaster, including a Brazilian doctor who had dedicated her life to improving health care for children, the Archbishop of Haiti, countless priests and seminarians...and of course Molly Hightower. May they rest in peace, and intercede for those of us left here on earth.

To read Molly's blog go to http://mollyinhaiti.blogspot.com

Epiphany

2010-01-06T22:37:00.004-05:00

It only seems appropriate that today was the Epiphany. Not because the epiphany is on January 6th every year (yes I know it is) but because today we talked about abortion. Today as my class discussed "pregnancy termination" I reveled and rejoiced in the birth of a savior; in the recognition by 3 wise men that the messiah had been born and was found wrapped in a manger- and I needed that today.

Today in class we had an "ethics" session. Right off the bat in my class of 100 people the professor took an anonymous poll "Abortion is wrong regardless of the circumstances. Agree or Disagree". I was one of 8% that disagreed. Part of me wants to know am I the only one...if there were 100 of us in the class there are at least 7 other people who are with me...who are they and how can we find each other?

So why is it so appropriate that today was epiphany? Because today we celebrate Christ coming to ALL of us. coming to every single person and all of humanity...including those that reject Him and mock Him. I sat there in class with my rosary in my hand praying...Hail Mary's crossing my lips. Watching as the percentage agreeing with abortions in different scenarios changed. It's okay to abort a child because of risk to the mothers' life but not because of mental retardation, etc. Of course there is no "right" answer according to the teacher. But in my heart, as always, there is a right answer. That answer is life is sacred from conception to natural death. That answer means my life is going to be very difficult for the next 20 years.

My professor laid out the responsibilities of a physician regarding "termination of pregnancy":
- Entitled to hold strong personal views either for or against
- Patients are entitled to have all available information about legal treatment and management options
- Practitioners are required to provide the information (informed consent)
- Practitioners should neither block access nor attempt to coerce patients into a choice of more personal preference for the practitioner
- Practitioners are NOT required to participate in the actual pregnancy termination

this doesn't sound as scary as it feels. I don't want to give a woman a referral for having an abortion and I don't want to feel like a bad person if I choose not to...or a bad doctor. I know that I will be criticized for my views because they are so radically different, but they're the truth and any woman who has carried a child in her womb will tell you that. I also know that Christ was ridiculed. He was crowned with thorns, mocked, beaten, and betrayed. What are my sufferings as compared to His?

Christ has brought me here and He will sustain me. I need only to rely on Him and the Holy Spirit to guide me in my interactions and decisions regarding my medical career. That was my epiphany today...that this world is sad and lost and confused. That this world and all those in it desperately need Christ. That we need to approach the manger with the wise men and look in awe and wonder at the beautiful gift of God to all of mankind...a BABY!! It's appropriate that today is epiphany because as I talk about "pregnancy termination" I celebrate in the profundity of my heart, the birth of a baby...the Christ child! Let us continue to pray that our world will return to a culture of life that embraces all life regardless of the hardships or difficulties that it brings!

I'm an Auntie!!

2009-08-29T12:28:00.003-04:00

Wonderful news!! Last Sunday, August 23rd (the feast of St. Rose of Lima) my niece Anna Claire Perone was born! The other wonderful news is that I'm going to be her Godmother!!

God is SO GOOD!!

On a side note...I was at mass at St. Patrick's this AM (my parish) with my friend Gretchen. She comes out of church after I had already left and says to me "did you know there was a relic of St. Gianna in the church?" She figured out by the shocked look on my face and the tears streaming down my cheeks that I did not know that. We went in and sure enough there is. PLUS, the Molla family gave one of St. Gianna's handkerchiefs to the church as a gift in 2004 since they were one of the first churches to display the image of St. Gianna.

So she's still guiding me...PRAISE GOD!!

New Beginnings

2009-08-22T10:41:00.006-04:00

So this will be pretty short since I really need to be studying right now.

I'M IN MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!Still a little surreal to believe that I'm really here and really doing this. We (my parents and I) left Baton Rouge at the end of July and drove to Columbus. ON the way up we stopped in Indianapolis to see my cousins, and aunt and uncle. My cousin brought her sons who happen to be my Godsons. They are BEAUTIFUL. We went to a fair and had a great time. They are wonderful and lovely children and my cousin and her husband are wonderful parents. Also on the God child front, my brother and his wife are expecting their first child any day now(please keep them in your prayers) and they've asked me to be her Godmother. I'm privileged and excited about this. The only disadvantage is that my final anatomy exam is scheduled for the day after the baptism but I know God will provide.

So back to medical school...orientation was the week of August 10th and included my white coat ceremony. For those of you who don't know medical students have short white coats while doctors have long white coats. Getting the white coat is a big rite of passage that signifies your entrance into the medical community. It's very exciting and very awe inspiring.

Classes themselves started this week. I'm taking anatomy, embryology, and CAPS (Clinical Aspects of Physician Sciences- or something like that). CAPS is basically how to take physical exams, do History of Present Illness, intubate, etc. The other exciting news is that 25 people were chosen randomly to do a clinical correlates of surgery during anatomy and I was one of them (out of 150 or so people). So far I'm really enjoying that part and it's not graded. Basically each week a different surgery specialty comes in and shows us how to do common operations on cadavers. This week was a general introduction where we learned how to tie surgical knots and throw stitches. Next week is orthopedics and we're doing a hip replacement. It's nice to be so hands on.

It's hard to believe I finished my first week of school yesterday- it already feels like I've been here forever. I'm quite overwhelmed and nervous about my ability to do this but I keep telling myself that God Himself has brought me here and is going to guide me. I really think getting that surgical correlates class (which I prayed so hard to get) is yet another sign of His divine providence. That being said I already feel behind in my classes and frequently wonder how in the world I'm going to keep up.

I also cringe b/c my faith life is suffering. I'm not making it to daily mass b/c I'm in class from 7:30 to 12:30 and the only night mass is EXTREMELY unorthodox. Lord have mercy on me!! The good news is that my friends in Charlottesville, VA have set me up with one of the local Dominican priests at my parish here. Fr. Tom used to be in Cville back in the day. He came over and blessed my apartment on Thursday and is so lovely and easy to talk to. He really made me feel welcome here and I've asked him to be my spiritual director. GOD IS SO GOOD!! These are things I've been praying about. I've also decided to help with the special needs CCD class that they've started at St. Pa tricks. It's only 2 hours on the weekends and I think it will be good for me. Plus, I've found perpetual adoration here in town- now I just need to go.

So in short...the Lord is providing for me here. This should come as no surprise but it is still somewhat of one for me. Because of my wretched sinfulness I am so fearful and anxious. Please pray for me- that God may heal me of my anxiety. Right now I'm just trying to keep my head above water. It's only the first week of school and I already feel behind and stupid most of the time. I knew there would be people smarter than me here but it is still hard to not feel discouraged. I was also thinking today about how I really can't complain. I'm living the dream- or at least what I've always dreamed about and I know there are MANY people who would love to be in medical school (especially here). So I really can't complain about all the hard work or not having a life...this is the path I chose- more correctly the path God has placed in my heart. I need to enjoy it and I am. I'm enjoying learning all these new things (I just wish it was at a slower pace!!).

Well that's about all I have time for at the moment. Please keep checking back and I will update the blog as best as I can. I will not get to see most of you for a while since my exam schedule is pretty overwhelming (my first anatomy exam is the Friday after the missioners labor day retreat). I miss you all and am praying for you.

Pictures from my birthday and other important events!

2009-06-15T22:00:00.006-04:00

Here are some pictures from Steven and Mauree's Wedding, my birthday, and John Paul's Second Birthday Party! ENJOY!!

Memories from Honduras

2009-06-15T21:58:00.002-04:00

Found this old email from Honduras...it brought back memories and I thought I'd share!

Dear friends and family:
Praise and blessings in our Lord and Savior Jesús Christ! Sorry that it has been so long since I´ve written. I´ve been back in Honduras now for a little over a month. Had a slight snag in returning from Guatemala. It was hard to leave Guatemala especially since we left right after the terrible flooding and destruction of what is still a beautiful country. After leaving Guatemala we got stuck in Copan (right inside the Honduras boarder) for a day because of a campesinos strike. It feels like just yesterday that I arrived, and yet like I´ve lived here my whole life. So much has happened, every day something new happens. I´m in charge of sponsorship (meaning I spend a lot of time translating and typing information in the computer). I´m also running our middle school girls group Las Rosas de maria with Alyson (another volunteer). We´re also doing a Christmas pageant, I´m teaching music and dance classes. All in all it´s a wonderful experience. Doing home visits, evangelization, harder things than I would have thought.
The community here is beautiful. We are 7 women (4 Americans and 3 Hondurans) and three men. It’s odd and a bit humorous but it´s incredible how each person adds something to our house. My Spanish is much better and I can actually communicate now which is quite exciting.
As for me, well, God has been revealing many things to me in my heart lately. It´s hard to explain our life here…at times it is normal missionary life and yet there is no normal. It´s a daily struggle to be the empty vessel that God uses. How do you explain God´s love and will to a woman with three special needs children, who now might have cancer? And yet there is no need. It is she who continues to have faith- and we who struggle with the reality.
We´re do-ers and yet most of the time there´s nothing we can do. With so few resources we can´t help everyone but everyone needs help. The little girl with appendicitis needs food and bandages changed, there´s Claudia at our door with two black eyes. Daisy and her family need to get away from her abusive husband. But we have no place to put them, no resources, no safety to offer. When every day there´s a new emergency, another mother with a feverish baby standing at our front gate. It´s so easy to feel helpless.
We had a fiesta for all saints day, a rare evening of music, ice cream, and jump-roping (don´t ask). A night of lighthearted cheer that sends us soaring into the clouds only to be abruptly brought down to earth by desperate little voices and the clanging of the lock against our metal gate ¨CAROL!!¨ Little girls out past what should be their bedtime on streets not safe enough for us to walk at night. Their father is drunk. We call a relative who comes to get them. How can I be the same person after this?
I realize now again how lucky I am. I´m here “living in poverty” and yet still existing in my oasis of comfort and safety here in our house. There´s no angry drunk man coming home – the gates keep them out (usually). We know that tomorrow we will eat and that we will have a bed to sleep in the next night. Who am I to presume that I can help these people? I who have absolutely no understanding of their lives. I realize now that all I can do is pray and love- and I am mightily inadequate at that at times.
I have no concept of what it means to live like these people. Sick with strep the other day I was dropped off at San Benito (the clinic in our neighborhood) to see a doctor. I realize now that I selfishly expected to go right in (as we usually do). I was greatly surprised and distraught (much to my shame) when I realized Erika and I were going to wait in line. I spent some time wallowing in my own self pity about how sick and tired I was. Praise God it didn´t take me long to realize what a jerk I was. Who am I to presume I´m more important than the people in line with me? My job is to serve them not to think myself above the line. By the time I got my number my attitude had changed. We began talking with the other people (mostly mothers with young children) all charming and just as sick and miserable as I was. I on the other hand would be driven back to my nice warm bed 7 blocks away while they would walk home (sometimes for hours) and go back to work because they have no other option. How humbling to realize just how prideful I still am.
I came to Honduras thinking myself humble (I know what a joke). I now realize that I was still holding myself above others because I was going off to “save the world”. How wrong I was. God has been revealing to me that I am in fact nothing special other than what He does through me. Most of the time I feel hugely inadequate to do much of anything. Praise God!! I have prayed for humility and God is granting it to me. To live in a community of talented, holy, loving people is in fact one of the greatest challenges I´ve known as I am challenged daily to be more holy myself. To love more completely and freely in every circumstance and activity. Whether cleaning toilets, driving someone to town, or leading a girls group.
Behind the beauty of the mountains and the simplicity of life here how there is a fight going on for this country. The struggle between good and evil is at full force and I pray we can win. Some days I´m certain the battle has already been lost- and then I look at the youth we work with. Yes we feel helpless here but if we give up we´re taking away the opportunity they have to fight and to know someone is fighting with them. They are striving and fighting so hard to win- if we help just one our job is worth it- just one. But how do you let the other 99 go? I look at people like Erika who is a beautiful Honduran member of our community. At only 18 she has already fought the fight against her family, who are not Catholic, and who don´t approve of her work here. I can´t imagine fighting that battle.
And how do I- as someone who has only known love and boundless resources- offer anything to these people so beautiful and broken and yet closer to God than I could ever imagine. How beautiful they are- we who feel hopeless and they who continue to have faith- in us!
I realize now also how important our life of prayer is. It is so easy to get bogged down with all the things to be done- the people at the door, the programs to plan, and countless other activities- and yet it is prayer, mass, and time in front of the blessed sacrament that gives us hope.
“Ï have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble but take heart I have overcome the world.¨- 1 John
It is in admitting our weakness and inadequacy that we realize that we do nothing. We are not strong enough to help all these people- but Christ is and it is Him who works through us- if we let him.
As for me and my vocation, I am continuing to search for His holy and perfect will, and God willing will be going to visit the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal in New York in the spring. Please pray for me as I do for all of you. These days I struggle to live the words of St. Paul of the Cross, ¨neither to suffer, nor to die, but only to turn perfectly to the will of God.¨ Yes life here is a challenge. Humbling and frustrating and rough- but beautiful and vale la pena (worthwhile) at the same time. What a challenge to daily try to die to yourself. I still walk back from mass at the friars every morning with the mountains greeting me and thank God that I am here- I am at home and I am at peace.

Death is Quiet

2009-06-01T15:34:00.009-04:00

I'll never forget the first person I watched die. It was a 14 year old girl in PICU. I watched from outside the room as the doctors and nurses did CPR and then called it. I remember thinking even then how surreal it all seemed. There was no thunder, no noise or great sign that this body that once contained a soul did so no longer. It seemed like the earth should have stopped that it should have been a bigger deal...One moment this girl was alive and now she wasn't.

Well I thought that again this past week. One night around 11pm we got the call- "TRAUMA ALERT EMERGENCY ROOM...TRAUMA ALERT EMERGENCY ROOM". Turns out a guy had been shot multiple times- he came in on life flight and the Trauma docs' started to work on him right away. These are the moments we live for as physicians (and future physicians) something exciting and thrilling...something different from the normal diabetes, high blood pressure, and back pain.

I got in the room after they had already cracked this guys chest open. I stood there eagerly watching them suction the blood out of his chest cavity, relishing watching the lungs inflate and deflate. They pulled the heart out and found that the bullet had completely destroyed his Right atrium- beyond repair. The guy had been without a pulse for quite a while and there in the middle of all the chaos the surgeon called time of death. We were all still looking at the guy's heart, marveling at the cracked chest. There was something thrilling and exciting...it was like a present that we were all so excited to see. It wasn't like on ER where all of a sudden all things quiet down, there was still a flurry of activity and nothign really changed except that a few minutes before this guy was "alive" and now he was "dead".

I don't mean to say this patient and his family weren't treated with dignity...they were. But for quite a while it was easy to forget that he was someones son, brother, friend...and to just focus on how exciting it was to see inside his chest cavity. That's when it hit me...I had forgotten to pray for his soul. In the middle of all of this I wasn't praying for him or concerning myself with his family- and even afterwards I went back to work like nothing had happened- I concerned myself with getting closer so I could see the hole in his heart. That's what makes me so sad...this wasn't something that impacted me except I thought it was neat I got to see his chest.

Shouldn't I have cared that this man died? shouldn't I have prayed for him (which I did later)? shouldn't the earth have made some sign that where there once was life there was no more? It just scares me that death leaves no trace...it just happens quietly with no fanfare. It scares me that I forgot about him as a living person and only saw him as something neat I got to see on a Saturday night.

I continue to see the affirmation of my career in medicine (I mean how many people who don't go into medicine think a cracked chest is the neatest thing in the world)...I just pray I can continue to see patients as people- as Christ in distressing disguise and not as objects. But to some extent I think we have to distance ourselves from the patients- from their humanity. We have to preserve ourselves.

Lord, give me the grace to balance my academic interest in medicine and my recognition of you in every patient I encounter!!

CUTE PICTURES

2009-05-25T15:38:00.002-04:00

John Paul giving me kisses!!

My God-daughter Gianna!!

Delight in the Lord

2009-05-25T15:26:00.006-04:00

So I have been struggling a lot lately ( big surprise). 2 more of my friends are getting married this year, and almost all of my friends are in serious relationships. I know I've talked about this before. This (as joyful as it is for me) is still a struggle...I rejoice in their vocations and weep at the changes that all this will bring for my friendships.

Compound this with work and I have found myself becoming more "of the world". Found myself being more lax in my standards, and more materialistic. When I'm honest with myself...it's easier to be "just like everyone else"...to desire intimacy and love and when I'm not careful I still find myself looking for it in the wrong places. By the grace of God I'm too much HIS to seek love the way I used to...but still not enough HIS to not have that yearning.

SO...this is where prayer comes in. I was reading my Bible the other night and I came across this passage from Psalm 37

"Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this."
-Psalm 37: 1-5

God really spoke to my heart with this...especially the part about DELIGHT YOURSELF IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!!

The more I read on this and feasted on it's beauty the more I realized that God is my delight. He is all that will fill me and like ST. Theresa said "God alone is enough". The more I delight in HIM and HIS will the more MY heart will be transformed to match with His will. It's not about God giving me whatever I want but more about how when I spend time with Him and delight in His will MY heart is transformed...and changed. God will gladly give me the desires of my heart when my hearts desires match HIS desires.

Really this is a win/win situation. The more I love God the more I am conformed to His will and the more joy I get out of every moment. So as I prayed on this, God reassured me...that if I continue to fix my eyes on HIM and continue to trust in Him and delight myself in HIS love then he will satisfy the desires of my heart for love and intimacy. I need to be patient and trusting and loving. I need to stop looking at the world in it's ease and stop being envious of all those co workers with boyfriends...and just enjoy the love of my God and savior and TRUST IN HIM!!

So today...(and every day) I vow to delight myself in the Lord...to trust in His will and conform myself to His plans because I know that is where real joy comes from.

I pray you my friends may also Delight yourselves in the Lord.

Long Time Coming

2009-03-30T11:41:00.008-04:00

Well it's hard to believe that it's been so many months since I've written...life has continued to pass me by in a blur of work and business. God has been SO good as to get me into 6 medical schools. I have decided to start next year at The Ohio State University (Go BUCKEYES!!). My father (as an alum of the medical school) is THRILLED beyond belief!! I too am extremely excited. As much as doubt does creep in, God has made it SO abundantly clear that this is His will for me.

That being said, now that a decision has been made...the devil starts in. I have been second guessing my decision constantly. I have finally made friends here in Louisiana, my parents are here, my Goddaughter is here...it just seems SO hard to leave. Yet I know I must. Along with doubt has come a flurry of other fears. What about going to daily mass there? what if I can't? How will I survive without receiving Jesus every day? How will I ever find a church I like as much as the one I had last year in Virginia?

Then Jesus reminds me that He has provided for me thus far...I need to continue to trust in HIM!! and HIM ALONE!

All of this is compounded by another great sadness in my heart. I'm turning 26 this June, and I have 9 weddings this year. All of my friends have serious boyfriends or are getting married. There is still this twinge of sadness as I realize the changes that are occurring and that in many ways I am being left behind as they move on to lives that I cannot identify with. I (as a perpetually single person) cannot commiserate over relationship issues, or discuss diapering methods or pregnancy. I can help with wedding plans but there is still some great cavernous space between single life and non-single life. The worst part is that I am on one side..and my friends are on the other. I know this is just part of life and I accept it...that does not make it less hard. I KNOW I am not ready for marriage right now, and that great things will happen in medical school BUT that being said it's hard to be moving in such different directions with the people that used to be so close. I seem to be in a perpetual transition!

Don't' get me wrong...they are still my friends...it's just all different now. And truth be told...I'm about to leave them behind as well. I'm about to travel into the world of medicine...and that cavern between me and my friends just got bigger. I don't want to lose my friends...and as always I don't want to be perpetually alone. But I know I MUST follow Jesus wherever He leads me. and right now He is leading me to Ohio and if He wills it He will lead me to a career in Medicine and I must entrust all of my relationships to Him because He will never leave me behind.

Sorry if none of this made sense...I tend to ramble.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

2008-12-24T11:44:00.004-05:00

Well it's hard to believe that it's Christmas already. I must confess this year more than ever I feel completely unprepared. Advent has flown by in a flurry of working and preparing for Alyson and Jesse's wedding. Monday at the hospital where I work we had Christmas mass (yes weird I know) and I had this horrible sense of fear. I kept saying in my head..."NO...YOU CAN'T CELEBRATE CHRISMAS MASS YET...I'M NOT READY!!! " This got me thinking...I'm not ready. Are any of us really ready? What do I need to do to get ready? How do I know if I'm ready??

I'm overwhelmed by this world so often. I sit here in my office listening to my coworkers and their anger and pain overwhelms me. Last night at work we lost a baby. A 2 year old girl was hit by a car and she died in our ER. I told my coworkers about it today and proceeded to tell them about Steven Curtis Chapmans family. One of my coworkers proceeded to tell me that she would die if one of her children died. I know I don't have children yet and I can't understand that kind of love...but I pray that God would give me hope and joy even in the midst of that kind of suffering. During this Christmas season I think of Mary, I think of her hardships and and that she endured to bring to life the son of God. She suffered...and she suffered greatly. Yet she never complained and never spoke against the Lord. I don't really know where I'm going with this except that recently I've been given the grace to understand and see my nothingness even more. The Lord is God...He created all things and who are we to question His will or His plan. Sometimes things suck...but like the Blessed Mother our souls should magnify the Lord. What greater witness of love is there than to Love the Lord and serve Him even in the midst of things that in the worlds eyes would crush you.

Isnt' that why Christ came? to give us HOPE!!! So I guess that's what I'm praying for this Christmas season...that all those without Hope or joy may find it in the birth of God made Man. If we believe that Jesus is God then His birth should fill us with wonder...God chose to come to us...God CARES FOR US!!! HE WILL NOT LET ANYTHING HARM US...HE WILL WITHHOLD NOTHING GOOD FROM US...NOT EVEN HIS OWN SON!! THEREFORE...LET NOTHING DISTURB YOU AND NOTHING DISTRESS YOU!!

I still don't know if I'm ready for Christmas but I pray that the Lord may have mercy on me and see the desire of my heart to love Him and know Him more closely and intimately!

So I pray for all of you this Christmas season...HOPE and JOY in abundance and in all circumstances!! That God's love may inundate your hearts and fill you with all grace and Joy!! Practice the art of being in God's presence....then when He comes may He find us ready and waiting in HOPEFUL anticipation!!

The End of the World

2008-11-05T11:03:00.002-05:00

well Obama has won...now my coworkers are talking about the end of the world. This conversation seems to come up a lot these days. There are apparently numerous prophecies that the world will end December 2012. I shouldn't be afraid but I think we are always afraid about what we cannot see. I shouldn't be attached to this world but in part I am. I like life, I want to get married and have children, but I also recognize that to live with God in eternal joy is even better. I need to keep it all in perspective I know.

so back to Obama. There is much to fear yes, but we cannot let this ruin our faith. What the devil wants more than anything is for us to turn away from God and think "what's the point in praying if it all turns out for nothing?" Well God has answered our prayers- He just said no. So last night I got off of work and I was upset and I went home and prayed and the response I got when I opened my Bible was Psalm 4.

Psalm 4
1 Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

2 How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame [a] ?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods [b] ?

3 Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD will hear when I call to him.

4 In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.

5 Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the LORD.

6 Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.

7 You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.

8 I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.

Basically our hope and our lives lie in God. Regardless of what happens we need to cling to Him. God is in control and we need to continue to fast and pray and trust in God's providence. If the Lord asks it we shall give up our lives for the truth. So I say...PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST NOW AND FOREVER!!

AMDG

I'M GOING TO BE A DOCTOR!!! VOY A SER DOCTORA!!

2008-10-17T10:05:00.002-04:00

Well I have GREAT news!! God is faithful (big surprise)!!! I received my first medical school admission yesterday. This is really remarkable because Wednesday was the first day that they could send out acceptances and mine was postmarked before that. So they actually want me to go to school there!! PRAISE JESUS!!! So, as of right now I have been accepted to Louisiana State University -New Orleans!!

I really liked LSU-NO when I visited. As of now I have interviewed at LSU-NO, Tulane, and Loyola Chicago. I'm going to interview at Georgetown, New York Medical College, and Eastern Virginia Medical School. The most exciting thing is that the burden has been lifted!!! I'm GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ayer recibi mi entrada a la Universidad de medicina!!! Tengo algunas intervistas todavia pero lo mas importante es que ya se que voy a ser doctora!!! GRACIAS A DIOS!! GLORIA A DIOS!!!

y gracias por sus oraciones!!!

i miss Honduras

2008-10-06T16:32:00.003-04:00

I miss Honduras. I miss Honduras so much it hurts sometimes. Last week I was picking out pictures to put in my office. As I began to go through my pictures of Honduras a wave of sadness flowed over me. I sat in my closet flipping through 2 years of my life feeling like it was a lifetime ago. As I flipped I saw friends, family, and joy greater than I had ever known....and I began to cry. I sat in my closet for close to 45 minutes crying and praying. Some days I wonder what I'm doing here...some days I just want to run back to Honduras where life had joy, and purpose...where I was close to God. Yet I know that I'm supposed to be here. But it's hard...I feel like I'm losing myself and worse yet..>I'm losing God!! I miss Honduras so much it hurts!! I miss who I was when I was there and I miss the joy I had.
Things here are so complicated...so difficult and so depressing. With this new economic crisis and the upcoming election for president in the US I fear that it really is the end of the world. As much as I fear all of that I look forward to it at the same time. I see the world around me and I pray "maranatha" or "come quickly Lord Jesus". I know things were complicated in Honduras...but they were complicated in such a different way. I don't know...maybe I'm just discouraged...all I know is that I miss Honduras.

Pray for me...as I do for you. Together may we arrive in heaven!!

Life

2008-09-17T10:10:00.002-04:00

Well it's been a while since I've written...I guess I just haven't felt like it. So much has happened...and so much continues to plague my thoughts. I moved from Virginia..I had a WONDERFUL time saying goodbye to my friends (I'll post pictures later). Then I spent 2 weeks in Italy with my wonderful sister Etel and my parents. (I'll also post pictures of that later) Italy was amazing for many reasons, first of all it was italy...how could it not be amazing. Second of all, I feel like I started to reconnect with God. I began to pray again...don't get me wrong..I'm still far from where I should be but I feel that He wooed me while I was there. He showed me just how much He loves me. It was wonderful.
So I returned home to devestation fromHurricane Gustav. My family and home are fine but many other places (including our beach house) are not. I started work and am now in the full swing of things. It's a fast paced environment and working 2 jobs is a little strenuous. Yesterday and today I will be working from 8-5 in my normal job and then 6-10pm at the ER. It's a little crazy!!! But it's also a good glimpse and life from here on out.
The exciting news is that I have been offered 4 interviews at medical schools. This month I will be interviewing at Tulane, and Louisiana State University in New Orleans. Next month I'll be in interviewing at Georgetown, and then in November I'll be interviewing at New York Medical College. (also in November I'll be visiting Honduras with my mother to see my friend graduate from school!!!).
All in all life is good...I have no complaints...I'm still learning to live again and I'm still praying for you all!! God bless!

Reflections on Life

2008-07-30T15:56:00.003-04:00

Well it's hard to believe that in less than a week I will be done with my post-bac program. Today is Wednesday, and on Friday the movers come to store my stuff, and I'm packing what can fit in my little car for the next few weeks until I'm back in Baton Rouge. Monday is my orgo lab final and I'm incredibly unprepared for it. I'm realizing just how much work I have to do, and yet still not doing it. In two weeks I will again be a resident of Louisiana, with a real paying job and real responsibilities. Meanwhile, I'm continuing to work on my secondary applications for medical school and praying for grace and wisdom in this process.

Needless to say, with all these changes I've been prompted to reflect a bit. Last Friday I was getting ready for work and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror...I couldn't help but think "wow...how things have changed in a year. What a far cry from a missionary I am now." I think it's a number of things but I know that I have changed. I've found not only my outward apperance but also my soul and my demeanor.

While I Honduras I worked hard on talking less and listening more. On being aware of how I was percieved by other people and becoming less bossy and demanding. Here in the states I've returned to the bossy, center of attention, rude person that I was before. And I can't tell you how much it saddens me. I want so desperately to be holy, to be humble, and to be gentle. Yet, I still fail to be quiet. I see myself succumbing to stress, and anxiety and lashing out at others. Failing to be a witness of Christ's love daily in my thoughts, words, and actions. I have also found myself change in apperance. I can rationalize some of it by saying, well I'm going to be a doctor and I have to look presentable. To an extent it's true, but it still surprises me when I look in the mirror and see someone else staring back at me. The worst part is that I fear I've lost my joy, and my ability to be a friend. I've been so focused on myself and what I needed to do this year that I wonder if I can actually have real friendships and conversations again. I don't know if I can...and that scares me. It scares me that I want to spend most of my time alone now and not talking to people because I just don't feel like it. It's such a hard thing to explain...the lonliness and the detachment.

I don't mean to imply that this year has been all bad. I still get a rush every time I walk into the hospital. I'm still fascinated and enthralled with the science of medicine and there is still a certain amount of pride when I realize that I'm going to be a doctor. And now that my MCAT is back and my secondary applications are coming in it's starting to be more and more real...I will be a doctor. That excites me..and it scares me all at the same time.

I don't really know the point of all this...I guess just to reflect on how much I've changed. It seems like my life in Honduras was a different lifetime and a different person. I still yearn to be back there...and yet I wonder if I can ever go back or if I was ever really there. I doubt that anyone there would recognize me anymore...so drastically have I changed. And maybe I haven't changed much externally...but I can't even explain how different and foreign I feel internally. I feel like I have aged many years in the last 15 months and yet at the same time I fear how fast life is moving. And worse yet, I fear that I'm not living life but only watching it. It goes by so fast...

So I'll return to Louisiana to find myself again and spend the year working. First I'm going to Fredericksburg and Virginia Beach and Richmond to say my good-bye's. Then back to Louisiana to be with my family and start my job. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

MCAT and my birthday...el MCAT y mi cumpleanos

2008-06-07T11:04:00.004-04:00

So I've begun the final countdown. A week from yesterday is the date of my MCAT (the Medical College Admissions Test). I continue to study hard, relax a little, and beg for everyone's prayers and intercession. For the moment I have a surprising amount of peace...(that might be because I'm trying to not think about it too much) nonetheless, prayers are greatly appreciated. I have to believe that since I have done all that I can do, the Lord will do the rest.

I have entrusted my MCAT, as well as the rest of my life, to the blessed Virgin Mary. Since doing my consecration to her over a year ago, so much has changed in my life, and for the better. I know that she wants the best for me, because she wants what her son wants and as my spiritual director always says "jenny, just remember this equation: God's will= my true good." So, I have consecrated and given over all of it to her...trusting that all will be well. I am praying a novena to Our Lady and invite all of you to pray with me. (obviously not the novena b/c my test is in 6 days). But still...please keep me in your prayers on Friday, June 13th at 8am Central Time until 1pm central time.

Also, yesterday was my 25th birthday...a little traumatic to be a quarter of a century and spend it in the medical school library...but I have a feeling that that is what much of my life will be like from now on and I accept it. If that is the cross God has given me I understand and embrace it. So, other than studying and freaking out occasionally, that is pretty much all there is to my life. You all remain in my thoughts and prayers...and please keep me in yours. God bless!

(some friends from my program and I on my birthday; yo con algunos amigos de mi programa en el dia de mi cumpleanos)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

bueno...he empezado la cuenta final. En 6 dias voy a tomar mi MCAT (Prueba de entrada a la universidad de medicina- ie Medical College Admissions Test). Sigo estudiando dura, relajando a vezes, y mendigar por sus oraciones. Por el momento tengo paz...no se si es porque estoy tratando de no pensar en el examen o si es porque Dios esta dandome una gracia gigante...no me importa. Que es lo mas importante para mi ahora es que puedo guardar la paz en mi corazon. Sus oraciones son importante y estoy bien agradecida a uds por ofrecerles. Tengo que creer que he hecho todo que puedo hacer, y que lo demas esta en el poder y los manos de Dios.

He entregado y consagrado mi MCAT (y mi vida) a la Santisimia Virgin Maria. Desde mi cosagracion a ella hace mas que un ano, mucho ha pasado y cambiado en mi vida. Se que ella esta guiandome y se que ella esta ayudandome de acercar mas a su hijo. Se que la voluntad de ella esta (porsupuesto) lo mismo que la voluntad de su Hijo. Es como mi director espiritual siempre esta diciendome, "jenny, recurda esta equation, La voluntad de Dios= la buena verdadera para mi vida" Entonces, sigo recordando mi misma que todo esta en los manos de Dios. Y he empezado una novena a la Virgin para mi examen. Les pido que rezan para mi a ella, o a San Antonio, Santa Rita, Santa Gianna, San Lucas, o San Raphael para mi examen (o a todos si quieren) Si pueden recordarme en sus oraciones y ayunas mi examen es la proxima Vierenes

Vierenes, 13 de Junio desde la 8 en la manana tiempo central hace la 1 en la tarde.

Tambien, ayer cumple 25 anos. Es estrando de estar 25 y de pasar todo el dia en la bibloteca...pero creo es como mi vida de este punto mas seria...y si esto es la cruz que Dios me ha dado...le acepto con humildad (y quejando de vez en cuando tambien). Entonces, menos estudiando y andando en la misa, esto es mi vida. Por favor, rezand para mi...y uds quedan siempre en mi corazon y mis oraciones. Que Dios les bendiga!!

PRAISE GOD!! final grade count

2008-05-15T09:36:00.003-04:00

well for anyone who is keeping track...I must share on my blog because this is just the fulfillment of all that I have prayed for this year (well almost all...kicking butt on the MCAT will be all). Anyway, my final grades for the semester are in and God's faithfullness is clearly seen!!

Organic Chemistry : A+ (quimica organica)
Biology : A (biologia)
Biology Lab : A (laboratorio de biologia)
Physics: A (fisica)
Physics Lab : A- (laboratorio de fisica)

My GPA for this semester is 3.977!!! I promise I'm not saying any of this to gloat...I just really need to rejoice that all my hard work has paid off!! PRAISE GOD!!!! Now off to study for the MCAT!!

solo estaba diciendo mis notas finales...y alabando a Dios!! No estoy tratando de parecer llena de gloria para mi misma...solo estoy contandoles porque estoy TAN agradedcida a Dios! Todo mi trabajo vale la pena ya!! Bueno tengo que irme y estudiar!

oh...and here are some pics...mothers day with the fam and the cutest baby in the world.

(aqui son algunas fotos...dia del madre con mi familia...y el bebe mas lindo en todo el mundo!!)

end of the semester= el fin de semestre

2008-05-13T11:50:00.005-04:00

well the semester is over...and God is faithful (big surprise). The biggest and best surprise of all was my 97.5 on my physics final!! I only missed one question!! PRAISE GOD!!! He has been so faithful to me this semester. It looks as though my final grades will be A- (physics lab), A (physics), A+ (organic chemistry), A (Biology), and hopefully an A- in Bio lab. The hard work has paid off!!

My parents were in town for "graduation" this past weekend. It was basically just a dinner but it was great for them to be able to meet all my friends and teachers. I continue studying though as the MCAT is fast approaching (June 13th!!!!). Please continue to keep me in your prayers as you are all in mine.

bueno, el semestre ya esta terminado. y Dios es FIEL!! (que sorpresa) La sorpresa mas grande y incredible es mi 97.5 en mi final de fisica (yo solo perdi una pregunta!!). ALABALO!!! Dios estaba tan fiel este semestre...parece que mis notas finales serian A- (laboratorio de fisica), A (fisica), A+ (quimica organica), A (biologia), y ojala A- en mi laboratorio de biologia. Mi trabajo ya tiene fruta!!

Mis padres estaban aqui el fin de semana pasado para mi "graduacion". NO fue un graduacion verdadero porque no voy a ganar una degree. Pero fue una cena bien linda con mis amigos y profesores. Fue bueno para mis padres de tener la oportunidad de conocer mis amigos y todos. Sigo estudiando porque mi MCAT esta acercando rapido (13 de Junio!!!). Por favor sigen rezando para mi...como yo para uds!

quote for my life right now...cita para mi vida

2008-04-22T12:02:00.002-04:00

"One thing Jesus asks of me: that I lean on him; that in him and only in him I put complete trust; that I surrender myself to him unreservedly. Even when all goes wrong and I feel as if I am a ship without a compass, I must give myself completely to him. I must not attempt to control God's action; I must not count the stages in the journey he would have me make. I must not desire a clear perception of my advance upon the road, must not know precisely where I am upon the way of holiness. I ask him to make a saint of me, yet I must leave to him the choice of the saintliness itself and still more the means which leads to it."
-Bl. Teresa of Calcutta

I remind myself of this daily...I beg for holiness but must allow Him to do as He wills. Jesus...I trust in YOU!!

"Una cosa Jesus pregunta de mi: que enclino en El; que el El y solo en El pongo todo mi confianza; que entrego mi misma a El sin reservaciones. Incluso cuando va todo mal y siento como soy barca sin compas, tengo que dar mi misma completamente a El. No puedo intentar controllar los acciones de Dios; yo puedo contar los nieveles de jornada El hizo que tomara. Yo no puedo desear una percepcion claro de mi avance en el camino, no puedo saber precisamente donde estoy en el camino de la santidad. Yo lo pregunto de hacerme una santa, pero tengo que dejarLo de elegir el typo de santidad y ademas, lo camino que me guia a la santidad." - Beata Madre Teresa

no se si la traduccion es correcto pero trato!!

meme

2008-04-15T11:57:00.002-04:00

I was tagged by Michelle for this meme...and it's a happy one...so here goes..

Fun Meme

Rules of the meme:
1. Post these rules of the game first.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names. Then the tagger goes to the blogs of those who have been tagged & leaves a comment letting new players know they’ve been tagged. The tagger asks them to find the meme and instructions back at his/her blog.

What I was doing 10 years ago:
10 years ago I was 14, almost fifteen...I would have been finishing my freshmen year in highschool. Right about this time I had just been chosen to be on the dance team and was preparing to finish classes and spending all day preparing for UDA camp over the summer. Other than that I really have no idea!! oh, and I was preparing to go to the Catholic Leadership Institute at Notre Dame over the summer. That's how I got involved with Diocesan Youth Board...I traveled a lot that summer I just don't remember what all I did.

Five things on my To Do List today:
1) read physics chapter on realtivity to prepare for the quiz I have in 2 hours
2) read physics chapter on atomic spectra to prepare for lab tonight
3) say the rosary/ pray
4) study for my organic chemistry exam
5) read about dissecting sheep hearts for lab tomorrow

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1) finish builidng the missioners house in Honduras
2) tithe a lot of money to the church
3) invest
4) buy a house and some land and help daniel and michelle with the catholic couples community
5) support catholic missionaries, and the work of the church everywhere (ie. donate to homeless shelters, schools, etc) Whatever would help the poor the most...

sorry that's not a very good answer but I'm not a billionaire so it's hard for me to say

Three of my bad habits:
1) procrastinating
2) impatience and sarcasm
3) lack of prayer

Five places I have lived:
1) Honolulu, HI- II was born there and lived there for 3 years
2) Baton Rouge, LA- grew up there
3) Boston, MA- went to college there (wooohoo Go EAGLES)
4) Comayagua, Honduras- Catholic missionary there for 2 years
5) Charlottesville, VA- grad school here right now...

Five jobs I’ve had:
so technically I've never had a job because I never get paid for the things I do...but I'll put down some volunteer stuff
1). Catholic missionary in Honduras with Missioners of Christ
2) Children's Special Health Services- worked with the medicare clinic and help do intakes with patients, followed doctors around, pretended to be a med student
3) Assistant at my mom's office in high school- did weighing and measuring, and blood pressures on patients, filed charts, etc
4) Campus School Volunteers, Special Events chair- organized parties for special needs kids...I must say I did a rockin' good job too!!
5) babysitter...still do it...actually get paid for this one...and I LOVE IT!! :)

okay...I don't really have anyone to tag b/c I don't know anyone who michelle didn't already tag...so sorry the meme stops here!

thanks...Gracias!

2008-04-15T11:32:00.003-04:00

thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers for this past weekend. It was difficult but joyful time for my family. I got to see my God children and the priest who did the service and my grandmother's last rights, is the same priest who did my grandfather's funeral, AND is good friends with my spiritual director. All in all, it was exhausting but good. It's a very weird experience to realize that that whole generation of my family is now gone. That aspect of my life, my home in Columbus, OH, is now over. I stood in the funeral home looking at my grandmother and it hit me when I touched her. How hard and cold she was. I'll never forget the first time I watched someone die...and this experience was much like that...it just hits you how quickly our lives are over...how little so many other things matter. I don't know...it's difficult to explain. I am extremely grateful however for the time I spent with my grandmother. She was a wonderful woman. As I said in the eulogy I gave, she knew about service to her family. I never heard her complain about anything. She took care of her family well, and loved us extremely well. All that being said, I think she's left quite a legacy...and I will miss her terribly.
The weekend (and I use that term loosely b/c I was there less than 48 hours) was still a blessing. It was wonderful to see my family, and there was much rejoicing over the life that my grandmother (and grandfather) lived. It was really saying goodbye to both of them because my grandfather was cremated and we hadn't buried him yet. So he was placed in the coffin with grandma and we buried them together. I still don't know if I've really processed it yet...it's all very surreal. The cool thing is that because there was a race in town and the streets were blocked off on our procession from the funeral home to the church and then from the church to the cemetary we had to take back roads. It was really appropriate that these back roads miraculously (God incidence) took us by all the places my grandparents loved. We drove by where my grandpa used to work, where grandma worked, their old house (which I had never seen), and the church where they were married 65 years ago. It really was a fitting goodbye for my father and for all of us. Bittersweet if you may.
I do believe however, that my continual encounters with death are part of God's plan. I've lost so many people I love in such a short time (not as compared to some...but more people than I would have liked) that I do believe God uses this to prepare me to accept death espeically with my patients, but also to make me a better doctor. Sorry this post was a little random and not well thought out...it's hard to put my thoughts into words right now.
anyway...please continue to pray for me..I have an organic chemistry exam this week and the semester is nearing to a close...which means the MCAT is closer (AHHH!!). And please continue to pray for the souls of my grandparents, and the conversion of my family.

May we do all for the Glory of God and HIS holy name!! Amen!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gracias a todos por sus oraciones este fin de semana pasado. Fue bien la funeral. Yo llegue en la manana viernes y fue bueno de ver mi familia. Claro fue duro, pero hay bendiciones y paz que llega de la misa, de los sacramentos. Estoy agradecida a Dios de nuevo por ser catolio en estos momentos. El sacerdote quieno hizo la misa y bendicione de ataul fue lo mismo quien hizo la funeral de mi abuelo en noviembre, y tambien el es amigo de mi director espiritual (los dos son dominicanos). Esto fue un bendicion GIGANTE!! Todo fue bien...todavia no se si se realmente que ella esta muerte...estoy agradacedia a Dios que yo tenia tanto tiempo con ella. Yo hize la eulogy (no se como se dice...es cuando alguien durante la misa dice algo en memoria de la vida de la persona quien se murio) y estaba pensando mucho en la vida de mi abuela. Ella sabia como servier su familia y ella sabia como amar. Ella es un buen ejemplo para mi vida...mis abuelos fueron casados por 65 anos...es mucho tiempo...me hace falta ellos...y este fin de semana tenia que despidirme de los dos.
Habia una evento en la ciudad entonces para llega a la iglesia de la lugar de funerales, y al cimitero de la iglesia tuvimos que ir en otros calles. Fue planeado de Dios...pasamos en camino todos los lugares de la ninez de mi papa, y los lugares de las vidas de mis abuelos. El edificio donde trabajaba mi abuelo, la casa viejo de ellos (yo nunca he visto antes), la iglesia donde fueron casados...todos estos lugares. Fue bien...bien...como una manera correcto de despidirnos de mis abuelos y de la ciudad. Los cenizas de mi abuelo fueron puestos en al atul de mi abuela...entonces tuvimos que despidirnos de los dos...y no se si he acceptado todo todavia...pero tengo poco de paz. Me hace falta...y es extrano de pensar que todo esto generacion de mi familia y esta muerte. Y cuando estaba con mi abuela en su atul...me di cuenta que corto esta nuestras vidas. Fue como la pimera vez que yo mire alguien morir....es raro...ver tan rapido cambia. Un momento estan vivos ye el otro estan muertos. Que tan corto son nuestras vidas...
Pero creo que Dios esta usando la muerte de tantos personas quien amo para preparme por mi vocacion. Se que no he perdido tanto como algunas personas pero he perdido mas amigos y personas in mi vida tan corta que muchas personas. Y creo nunca voy a ajustar a esto sentimiento pero creo que Dios esta dandome la gracia de acceptar la muerte y tener esperanza en la media de la muerte...no se. Vamos a ver.
entonces, si pueden seguir rezando para las almas de mis abuelos, y la conversion de mi familia. Y si pueden rezar para mi tambien...tengo examen este semana...y mi ano ya esta casi terminado...y esto significa que la MCAT es mas cerca. Por favor, rezan....
Les quiero y rezo para uds. siempre!!

Que podemos hacer todo por la gloria de Dios y por su santo nombre!!

Grandma...mi abuela

2008-04-10T07:30:00.001-04:00

Thank you all for your prayers...my granmother passed away peacefully last night at 1:30am. Please continue to keep her and my family in your prayers.

Gracias por sus oraciones...my abuela se murio anoche a las 1:30 en la manana. Por favor, siguen rezando por la alma de ella y para mi familia. Gracias!!

PLEASE PRAY!! ...REZA POR FAVOR!!

2008-04-06T22:12:00.002-04:00

For anyone who reads this I ask your prayers please...my parents called me today to let me know that my grandmother (the wife of my grandfather who passed away in November) who hasn't been doing well, had a massive stoke yesterday morning and is in the hospital. she will probably die within the next few days...and honestly that's what we're hoping for. That she will die peacefully. However, if she doesn't go she will never be able to use the right side of her body again and we will have to find a nursing home to put her in...and a whole lot of other things.
So I ask that you please keep my father in your prayers at this difficult time, and please pray for my grandmother. She has been catholic her whole life but has struggled in the last few years with the idea of dying. She doesn't have peace about death and doesn't believe that there's life after death...it's hard to explain. I fear that her faith has never really reached the profundity of her soul, that it has stayed in the obligatory realm and now when death and eternity are very real and approaching she is afraid. Please pray that God will be merciful and that she will have peace and that the blessed mother will be there to greet her when the time comes. Please pray for God's will in this situation that whenever it is her time He will take her.
My grandmother's name is Mary Ann. Thank you all so much!!

Por los que lean este...por favor rezan para mi abuela. Mi abuela (la esposa de mi abuelo que murio en noviembre) no estaba bien por alguans meses ya, y mis padres me llamaron hoy para decire me que ella teina un movimiento de su cerebro (no se que es la palabra...cuando parte de su cerebro ya no funciona y tiene paralisis de un lado de su cuerpo). Entonces mis padres estan en camino a Ohio de nuevo. La verdad es que probablemente ella va a morir en estos dias...y realmente esperamos que se muere. Ella estaba bien desperado por meses ya despues de la muerte de mi abouelo. Ella esta cansada y no siente que tiene proposito para vivir. Tiene 93 anos...pero...si viviria vamos a necesicitar a encontrar un lugar donde puede vivir porque no va a tener uso de su lado derecho.
Entonces, pido que rezan para mi papi porque de nuevo tiene muchas decisiones de hacer. Y tambien, especialmente rezan para mi abuela. Ha sido catolico todo su vida pero ha luchado en estos anos pasado de acceptar la realidad de la muerte. Su fe no es firme, es debil y no llega de la profundidad de su alma. Por favor, como mi abuelo, rezan que Dios la da la paz. Que ella puede saber, creer, y abrazar la misericordia y amor de Dios. Que ella puede morir en paz y gracia. Tambien, si pueden rezar que ella muere cuando es tiempo. Y que cuando es tiempo que la Virgin sea alla al lado de mi abuela. Gracias....
Mi abuela se llama Maria Anna! Gracias hermanos y hermanas!!

tambien, les prometo que voy a tratar de nuevo de traducir mis posts....es duro de traducir los largos (como estaba escribiendo) pero voy a tratar por lo menos...tambien no sabia si los que lean espanol estaba leyendo mi blog. lo siento diana!! :)

Easter./ Pascua

2008-03-27T19:49:00.009-04:00

here are a few photos from easter...God has been so wonderful to bless me with friends here!! :)

(apparently blue was the color of the evening too...I promise we didn't plan that!!)

aqui son algunas fotos de pascua....gracias a Dios para mis amigos aqui!!

the evil of our age...

2008-03-20T11:35:00.010-04:00

It seems only appropriate during this most holy time of the year that so many evil things should be happening. I feel as though God is revealing to me more and more the evils and desperation of our society. Yesterday, I had a medical "ethics" class for my program. We began by discussing the rules and regulations regarding what are the requirements for consent and informed consent. For example, in the eyes of the law any person under 18 is not considered capable of making informed medical decisions in any area except one...guess what that is...YUP reproductive rights. I sat in class sickened and perturbed as my professor lauded the confidentiality of children and that it's good they feel safe to be treated for reproductive issues without worrying about their parents. Basically, a 14 year old is not considered capable of deciding whether or not she wants a flu shot (that procedure requires parental consent) but she can be treated for an STD or recieve an abortion without her parents knowledge. DOES THIS STIKE ANYONE ELSE AS COMPLETELY STUPID??? How dare we say that someone who we do not deem capable of medical decisions such as flu shots is capable of making decisions about their sex life. I don't even have the words to express how frustrating and saddening this whole issue is for me.
To top it off there is great controversy right now because the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists issued a statement from their ethics board saying that it was essentially unethical for physicians to refuse to refer patients to another doctor for a procedure they do not morally agree with. Basically, if they were king, all doctors would either have to perform abortions and prescribe birth control, etc. or refer their pts to someone else, or risk losing certification.Therefore, we are responsible for helping others in their autonomous decisions, regardless of whether or not helping them goes agains our moral and ethical code.
This is a particularly interesting part of the NPR article,( I have the actual statement from the ACOG but wont' bore you by posting it here ).

"At issue is an opinion released in November by the ACOG ethics committee. Among other things, it says physicians "have the duty to refer patients in a timely manner to other providers if they do not feel they can in conscience provide the standard reproductive services that patients
request."
Ob/Gyn Wendy Chavkin of Columbia University welcomes the new AGOG ethics statement. She's the immediate past chairwoman of Physicians for Reproductive Choice and Health.
"It says that if a physician has a personal belief that deviates from evidence-based standards of care they have to tell the patient that, and that they do have a duty to refer patients in a timely fashion if they do not feel comfortable providing a given service," Chavkin says.
She says it isn't just about abortion, but also about things like emergency contraception — high doses of regular birth control pills that can prevent pregnancy in most cases if taken within 72 hours. She points to a scenario in which a woman has been raped and shows up at the only health care facility in her area.
"And she comes upon some doctor who thinks that emergency contraception is the equivalent of abortion, which is incorrect, but nonetheless what this individual believes," Chavin says. "What this ACOG statement is saying is she should not be deprived of something that's needed right away to take care of her emergency situation."
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=88552296

It appears that this will not be a part of board certification (which is good) but is still the perspective of the ethics committe of the OBGYNs. Here's what the head said

"We do not restrict access to our exams for anyone applying for initial certification, or maintenance of certification, based on whether they do or do not perform an abortion," Gant
said. "We do not base this upon whether they do or do not refer patients to an abortion provider if they do not choose to do abortions."
Gant said he dictated a letter back to Leavitt to that effect Wednesday. He added that the
board has long respected the fact that its members disagree on the abortion issue — more than a decade ago it removed abortion from the list of cases to be used in oral exams.
On the other hand, Gant, himself an Ob/Gyn, said he personally had no problem with the November ethics statement, particularly the idea that Ob/Gyns should be ethically bound
to provide contraception. " http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=88650797

My professor, by the way, agrees with this decision. He thinks that no one has the right to keep someone else from their "clinically proven good". By the way, there is NO proof that abortions are good for people. convenient perhaps...but NOT good. I think all of us can safely say that a lot of evidence is showing that abortions are in face BAD for women!! (big surprise) and if you wont' go that far...they are to say the least...not considered a medical necessity, right, nor benefical. (eg. it's not like using a respirator for someone who can't breathe). In very few circumstances, is an abortion actually a life or death decision,...more often than not it is convenience.

And then there's this woman in France who was suffering from a horrible disease that disfigured her face and caused her great pain. She petitioned the french government for the right to have her doctor help her die. She didn't want to die slowly in a forced coma and suffer. The slowly part, means it would have taken her 2 weeks to die (not really that long of time) and in a coma because that is what we do to patients with horrible suffering. We drug them up so that they're not really there and they die peacefully. I personally, do not have a problem with this method, patients die without expediting the process. Basically, this woman wanted to have someone help her take her life because she didn't want to suffer. The courts rejected her appeal and petition, and she died last night. They are investigating the causes right now.

This is my problem, and this is why I think it's appropriate that I'm experiencing this during lent...we've forgotten the value of suffering. Admittedly, I am not in that woman's position, but the joy of believing and the joy of catholicism is that there is purpose in the suffering. Jesus suffered horribly, but there was a reason. We are so eager to kill our unborn children so that we don't suffer the inconvenience of being pregnant or raising a child we're not ready for. We help people to die because we dont' want them to suffer. Pope John Paul the great was a perfect witness of how suffering should be seen, he suffered greatly from his parkinsons but did not falter in his belief that he would die when it was his time to die. We are trying to play God, trying to live lives of convenience and without suffering. But that is not what life is about...God has not promised us that we wouldn't suffer...he promised us that we would suffer with a purpose of purification. What if that woman in France had decided, "you know what...this is going to suck but I'm going to offer up all this suffering I'm enduring for the salvation or souls and for my children". WOW>..wouldn't that have been a powerful intercession for her children...for the world. Moreover, who are we as humans to decide who the Lord, the God of all creation, wants to die and when He wants them to die?? that's not OUR decision!!
I am just so baffled by what we value as a society...by what we permit in the name of "good" and "justice". We take birth control and allow our 14 year olds to seek medical treatment for reproductive issues independently because we believe in every one's autonomy...such a world of relativism. WE don't want to suffer or inconvenience anyone. But the truth is, that as Christians, as catholics we have a responsibility to speak out as Jesus himself did, against the relativism and sins of our day and age. I am seeing so clearly the depravity of our society...we have kicked God and truth out of every corner and angle...That is why our society is falling apart...husbands and wives are no longer inviting God to unite them, and marriages are crumbling in divorce. Parent's aren't watching their children, and we as a society are helping their children to escape accountability on so many actions by protecting their "rights". Doctors, lawyers, politicians, we have all fallen into the Devils' trap of individualism and "freedom". The irony is that all this "freedom" has made us slaves of evil and sin. The more I realize all this the more I am saddened, sickened, and frustrated...Our society is blind to the truth...It makes me think of the scripture from 1Timothy 4:1-5

"I charge thee in the sight of God, and of Christ Jesus, who shall judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: 2 preach the word; be urgent in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with all long suffering and teaching. 3 For the time will come when they will not endure the sound doctrine; but, having itching ears, will heap to themselves teachers after their own lusts; 4 and will turn away their ears from the truth, and turn aside unto fables. 5 But be thou sober in all things, suffer hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfil thy ministry." - 1 Timothy 4:1-5

That time is upon us...we have left behind sound doctrine and have embraced our own desires...pray that we all may have the courage to remain strong in the truth and may learn to offer our sufferings for the salvation of souls!! The good news is that the resurrection is Real!! and that after the suffering and tribulations of Good Friday will come the resurrection of Easter Sunday. Pray we may remain strong and fight the good fight to the end!

please forgive the diatribe...I needed to get that off my chest.

Praise be Jesus Christ...Now and Forever!!!

something for Holy week

2008-03-17T09:33:00.004-04:00

"We are not required to sacrifice young bulls or rams, beasts with horns, and hoofs that are more dead than alive and devoid of felling; but instead, let us join the choirs of angels in offering God upon his heavenly altar a sacrifice of praise. We must now pass through the first veil and approach the second, turning our eyes toward the Holy of Holies. I will say more: we must sacrifice ourselves to God, each day and in everything we do, accepting all that happens to us for the sake of the Word, imitating his passion by our sufferings, and honoring his blood by shedding our own. We must be ready to be crucified.

If you are a Simon of Cyrene, take up your cross and follow Christ. If you are crucified beside him like one of the thieves, now, like the good thief, acknowledge your God. For your sake, and because of your sin, Christ himself was regarded as a sinner; for his sake, therefore, you must cease to sin. Worship him who was hung on the cross because of you, even if you are hanging there yourself. Derive some benefit from the very shame; purchase salvation with your death. Enter paradise with Jesus, and discover how far you have fallen. Contemplate the glories there, and leave the other scoffing thief to die outside in his blasphemy.

If you are a Joseph of Arimathea, go to the one who ordered his crucifixion, and ask for Christ's body. Make your own expiation for the sins of the whole world. If you are a Nicodemus, like the man who worshiped God by night, bring spices and prepare Christ's body for burial. If you are one of the Marys, or Salome, or Joanna, weep in the early morning. Be the first to see the stone rolled back , and even the angels perhaps, and Jesus himself."
- St. Gregory Nazianzen

this just stuck me the other day...I hope you enjoy it as well. Happy holy week...may this last week draw all of you even closer to the wounded hearts of Jesus and Mary, and may this upcoming Easter season bring you all renewal and joy!

MCAT date change/ Cambia de mi fecha de MCAT

2008-03-11T11:15:00.002-04:00

it's official...this morning I changed my MCAT date to June 13th. I've spent a lot of time thinking and praying about this and I know that God and the blessed Mother will still bless me even if I don't take the MCAT on May 31st. I just don't feel ready and decreasing my anxiety right now is a top priority. So, on Friday June 13th (yes I know it's friday the 13th) at 8am CST I'll be taking the MCAT. I ask please for your prayers as I continue to prepare for this, and especially on the 13th of June. I'll be taking it in Baton Rouge so I'll get to stay in my own bed the night before and have my parents and friends with me when it's over. I'll be posting and sending a novena right before the exam that I invite all of you who wish to pray with me. (I need all the grace and assistance possible) Please continue to pray for me, as I do for all of you! God bless!

es oficial...este manana yo cambie la fecha para mi examen de entrada el MCAT. Yo pense y reze mucho sobre este decision y no estoy lista ahora, quiero los 2 semanas mas de preparame. Entonces, my fecha nueva es 13 de Junio. Por favor, si pueden rezar MUCHISIMO para este examen...tengo mucho anxiedad sobre esto y se que necesicito subir esto antes que puedo tomar el examen. Voy a tomarlo en Baton Rouge para que puedo estar con mis padres y amigos despues del examen...creo es un poco menos estress...todavia...porfavor rezan para mi. voy a poner aqui en mi blog, y enviar de correo electronico una novena para mi MCAT si uds quieren rezar la novena con migo seria excelente. Y yo sigo rezando para uds.! Les Quiero mucho! Que Dios les bendiga!!

Renewed- Renovada

2008-03-06T20:33:00.008-05:00

I was blessed enough to spend the last 6 days in New York on my spring Break. I arrived saturday morning and etel picked me up from the airport. We were able to hang out at St. Elizabeth's (the volunteer house where she lives) before taking some of their youth to the catholic underground. Then Sunday we slept in before going with Fr. Christopher to the staten Island ferry. Monday morning I met the Hickleys at the Natural History Museum (my biology classes finally came in handy...and I was able to explain to Juan Pablo who eat's what and how) followed by First Vows for some of the friars (and getting to see my two favorite sisters Sister Maria Teresa Hellberg and Sr. Theresa Magdalene Wallyn). And a bunch of other people...then Tuesday and Wednesday were just hanging out with Michelle and the kids. Each morning a little voice and a little hand attached to head would pop it's way into my room and invitably someone would be in my bed to cuddle with me. It was a wonderful week!!

All in all, I had a wonderful break, spiritually and emotionally I feel renewed. For the first time in a long time there were people who SAW me...really saw me for who I am. It was a week full of spiritual conversations and spiritual direction (even if it wasn't intended to be). I am SO grateful to God for having given me such amazing friends!! I feel so renewed and ready to keep going in my studies!! There aren't even words to explain just how much I needed this week and just how much God did through so many people...PRAISE HIM!!

Entonces, fui a Nueva York para mi break. Llegue Sabado y Etel me recogio del aerpuerto. Descansemos por un rato y despues fuimos con algunos de los jovenes con quien trabajan los voluntarios, a catholic underground. Fue excelente!!! Domingo descansemos y despues fuimos con padre cristobol a staten island ferry. Lunes yo fui con los hinckleys al museo y despues al primeros votos de los frailes. Martes, Miercoles, y hoy solo paseando con Michelle y sus hijos. Fue excelentisimo!!

Por la primera vez en meses tenia personas con quien pudira hablar y compartir...personas quien me vean verdaderamente....de pasear con amigos y hablar con los frailes....me renovo...siento como puedo seguir y terminar....Gracias a Dios por este tiempo!! ALABENLO!!

the woman at the well

2008-02-25T00:11:00.006-05:00

today's gospel...the woman at the well. A few thoughts on this. The first is that I'm always comforted by how clueless the disciples were. They got back from buying food and offer Jesus some and He tells them he doesn't need any...that He has been fed. and they all wonder if he brought something with him. That's totally something I would do. They are totally clueless for the longest time as to what he's talking about. That he's not talking about rice and beans food. It's kind of like during the transfiguration when Peter says "it's a good thing we're here...we'll set up the tents, one for you, one for elijah, and one for moses" and we read it and think... "yup, I'd be saying that too." I felt like this was another one of those moments and for some reason, that really comforted me today. Maybe because I'm so clueless myself right now...I can practically feel Jesus chastising me some days for my lack of understanding and belief. Aside from that...and more importantly than that what struck me most about today was the homily and the message preached by my pastor (and spiritual director).

The homily today (as well as the magnificat reading) was all about her thirst...what struck me most powerfully was the question fr. Brian posed to the congregation....his whole homily was about her response to the Lord. He spoke of her quest for love and affection, and he asked us "What if she had ignored his request for water? what if she had simply turned around and run home? Where would she be now? More importantly for us...Where would we be now had we not responded to his request to satiate our thirst?"

And I began to cry...thinking

"Where would I be now, WHO would I be now if it wasn't for the Lord? If a little more than 3 years ago I hadn't met Him at the well in Honduras? If I hadn't listened to Him call my name...and if I hadn't responded? "

and I know so clearly (and it has been on my heart so much) that I would be a completely different person.

The samaritan woman had been searching for fulfillment, searching for someone to fill her, that's why she had 5 husbands and was with another man. They continued to move in and out of her life, hurting her and wounding her, but she kept seaching one after the other. Wanting something that was real and that would fill her....and then she met Jesus. "He has told me everything I've done!" She wasn't ashamed...she was in awe...she was joyful. She was filled...and LOVED!!! I am so much like that samaritan woman (except for the 5 husbands)...I too was searching for so long for someone to love me (and to an extent I still am admittedly)...I was searching in the world for something to fill me. And as many of you know I was searching in all the wrong places.

I know, that were it not for the Lord, were it not for Honduras and the amazing conversion that HE moved in me there...I would be a very different person today. I would still be searching, hooking up with random men in bars, drinking, doing everything possible to "have fun" and like before, I would still be crying at the end of the night...alone and ashamed of who I was and what I had done. I am SO grateful that I am not there...that I am not that person. Although I still stumble and fall daily...I am in His grace now and confident in HIs mercy and His love. PRAISE GOD FOR HIS MERCY!!!

Although things are extremely hard right now (and I do beg your prayers for some difficult decisions i have coming up - I'm considering changing my MCAT date and so much more) I know that I am so much happier now than I ever was before. I am filled by HIM...when I am sad or alone I have HIM and HIS blessed mother to run to!! I will never be thirsty again as long as I turn to HIM!! I am so grateful that I was at the well that day...that He spoke to me, and called me to Him. I shudder to think about the darkness that I would be living in right now...and I am compelled even more to pray for all those who have not yet been to the welll...or who are too frightened or ashamed to speak to the one who is waiting there.

During this lenten season let us continue to visit the well daily...let Him tell us all that we have done...and let Him love us and give us water that will forever satiate our thirst...the water of mercy and love flowing from His sacred heart!!

PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST...NOW AND FOREVER!!!

lo siento...no tengo tiempo de traducir ahortia...son las 12:30 en la mananita ahorita y tengo que dormir...una dia bien larga manana. Cuando tengo tiempo voy a traducilo! Gracias y que Dios les bendiga!!

Lent

2008-02-09T10:37:00.000-05:00

And so it begins...the holy and dirty time of lent. Holy because hopefully during this season we will draw closer to the Lord. Dirty because it is in realizing what grave sinners and facing our humanity that we are able to draw closer to the Lord. I am realizing my humanity in my doubts and sorrows, and lack of trust in the Lord.

I started Lent with great plans, and continue to try and fulfill my lenten promises...but have realized more and more...my greatest gift to offer is my suffering. It is not suffering as many people know it, not physical suffering like cancer or paralysis. But a spiritual and emotional suffering that some days feels so great. It is the suffering of lonliness, of uncertainty, of drowning. Again, I realize why it is that so many doctors wind up workaholics. There will be no simple life for me...it's impossible. The things that I desire are not in His plan for me right now...so I suffer in expectant anticipation...and trust...and offer it up.

I struggle to trust in Him, to trust His will and plan for my life...but I know I must. If there is one thing I am learning from the blessed mother it is that...complete abandon and trust in the Lord. He knows what He is doing and I must continue even when the waves and the wind are so high that I feel like I am going to drown. So my scripture lately has been from matthew.

"But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and beginning to sink he cried out 'LORD, SAVE ME!' Immediately, Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him and said to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" - Matthew 13:30-31

I am Peter (arent' we all). I do fine until I start looking at the mounds of Kaplan material, the physics, all the things I have to do, and I realize that there just aren't enough hours in the day; and I get frightened by how strong the wind is...and I cry out to be saved...and like Peter, the Lord chastizes me..."oh you of little faith...why did you doubt?" In this time of preparation I challenge myself to not doubt but to trust. I ask the Lord for the grace of trust, and accepting Mercy and Love wherever He chooses to give it.

So this lent, I will offer up all those moments of feeling along...all the moments when I realize that it will be years until I have a real life again...years until I have time for friends or a family. I offer it up...and rejoice at the same time. Because I'm alone I am able to do the will of God more fully...I'm able to be the student and God willing the doctor that He wants me to be. I am able to go to daily mass or adoration at 3am because I don't have a family to worry about. There are blessings in all things....So my goal for lent is to offer up the burdens ("take up my cross daily") and to rejoice in the blessings (however muddled and abstract they may be.

emptying purgatory for lent

2008-01-30T14:13:00.000-05:00

so I got this great idea from facebook about one of the things to do during lent. Here's that the facebook group founder has said about it:

The main prayer said in the chaplet (said 50 times) was given to Saint Gertrude by our Lord with the promise that every time it was recited 1000 souls would be released from Purgatory. So praying the chaplet will release 50,000 souls! And if you prayed this chaplet for the 40 days of lent (Sundays will be optional but encouraged) then you will release TWO MILLION souls from Purgatory!!! Imagine if just a few of use got together to do this how many souls we could release into Heaven!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Reasons to do this:

1. Our Lady has asked us to pray for the poor souls in purgatory many times. This was especially clear in her message at Fatima.

2. All of the souls that are released through our prayers or by having Masses said for them are then Saints in Heaven who are immediately extremely powerful advocates for us now and especially at the hour of our death.

3. Our Lord commanded us to love one another. We can do no less charitable thing than to pray for those poor souls in purgatory who can do nothing for themselves.

4. It is more efficacious to pray for the poor souls in purgatory than even to pray for the lowliest sinners here on earth.

5. This chaplet was championed by many great Saints including a Doctor of the Church: Saint Alphonsus Liguouri.

so here's the chaplet if anyone is interested!!

SAINT GERTRUDE THE GREAT CHAPLET

Our Lord told St. Gertrude the Great that the following prayer would release 1,000 Souls from Purgatory each time it is said. The prayer was later extended to includeliving sinners as well.

"ETERNAL FATHER, I OFFER THEE THE MOST PRECIOUS BLOOD OF THY DIVINE SON, JESUS, IN UNION WITH THE MASSES SAID THROUGHOUT THE WORLD TODAY, FOR ALL THE HOLY SOULS IN PURGATORY, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the universal Church, those in my own home and within my family. Amen."

[In one Rosary or chaplet this prayer is said 50 times!]Say this chaplet using regular Rosary beads. Begin with the Apostles' Creed, one Our Father, three Hail Marys and a Glory Be to the Father just as with Our Lady's Rosary.

On the five decades, say the above Prayer for the Holy souls on each Hail Mary bead and the Our Father on each separator bead between the decades.

--------------------------------------

Optional Prayers to add to the recitation of the Chaplet-

To be said after each decade...

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, open the hearts and minds of sinners to the truth and light of God, the Father.Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for the conversion of sinners and the world."

Glory be...

"To be said at the end of each Chaplet...

THANKSGIVING FOR GRACES BESTOWED ON ST. GERTRUDEO most sweet Lord Jesus Christ, I praise, extol and bless Thee, in union with that Heavenly praise which the Divine Persons of the Most Holy trinity mutually render to Each other, and which thence flows down upon Thy Sacred Humanity, upon the Blessed Virgin Mary and upon all the Angels and Saints. And I give Thee thanks for all the graces Thou didst lavish upon Thy beloved spouse, St. Gertrude. I thank Thee especially for that ineffable love wherewith Thou didst pre-elect her from all eternity, didst enrich her so highly, didst draw her so sweetly to Thyself by the strongest bonds of love, didst unite her so blissfully to Thyself, dwell with such delight in her heart, and crown her life with so blessed an end. I recall to Thee now, O most compassionate Jesus, the promise Thou didst make to Thy beloved spouse, that Thou wouldst most assuredly grant the prayers of all who come to Thee through her merits and intercession, in all matters concerning their salvation. I beseech Thee, by Thy most tender love, grant me the grace . . . [mention it] which I confidently expect. Amen.

let's empty purgatory!!! Seamos santos!!

"If it were but known how great is the power of the good souls in Purgatory with the Heart of God, and if we knew all the graces we can obtain through their intercession, they would not be so much forgotten. We must, therefore, pray much for them, that they may pray much for us." --- St. John Vianney

Just a few thoughts...algunas pensiamentos

2008-01-26T10:07:00.000-05:00

So I know I've been posting a lot lately...school hasn't really picked up yet so I still have the time. I was reading one of the missioners in Honduras blogs' this morning...and it hurt. There is still such a large part of my soul that misses and yearns for that life again. That yearns for the simple life with the simple, beautiful people of Honduras. Don't get me wrong...as those of you who spoke to and lived with me in Honduras know, things were hard there and I was challenged in SO many ways. But man, was there JOY!! There were so many graces, and every day was a new adventure. I felt like I was DOING something with my life. And I think that's the problem right now....I"m not giving to anyone...I'm not really DOING anything but studying right now. I know that's my vocation and I know it's what I'm supposed to be doing. But it's hard...I miss feeling productive and like I'm giving something back. It was really easy to see at the end of the day in Honduras that you had done something...even if it was just clean the house, or visit the elderly. God was SO clear in the work that we were doing. Here...well here He's much more abstract. It takes effort to see Him in Physics or O-chem. But I'm trying.
I'm still in love with my work...I spent all afternoon yesterday again shadowing the amazing Catholic doctor here in town. I'm most happy when I'm there. To know how weird I am...as I was driving home at 6pm I wanted to stop by the hospital for more shadowing...and the sad part is...it was because I didn't have anything else to do. I see now how doctors become work -a holics. You study so hard that medicine and the hospital become your life...and then when the studying is over you don't have anything else because you've given it all up to become a doctor...so then being a doctor is your life. I wanted to stay at the hospital last night because I didn't have anywhere else to go but home to my empty apartment. That's why I miss Honduras...there was always someone around...always Jesus or something else...But...I still love hospitals...and I know now more than ever that this is my vocation. I just have to continue to trust in the Lord that He will bring me back to Honduras when it is time...and until it is time I have to continue to offer up my sadness at not being there and pray that He will give me the grace to find a balance between work and life.
May the Lord bless us and give us strength today and may we remember always to pray for the missions...the people who are doing what the rest of us can only dream about doing!

bueno...se que estoy escribiendo mucho en mi blog estos dias...mis estudios son pocos ahorita y tengo el tiempo. Estaba leyendo el blog de uno de los misioneros en Honduras este manana ...y duele en mi corazon. Hay un parte gigante todavia que quiere estar en Honduras. Mi alma hace falta esta vida...esta trabajo. Que queire estar de nuevo con la gente de Honduras. Entienden bien...los quien estaba con migo en Honduras saben...habian muchos dificultades para mi alla y yo fue cambiado en muchas maneras. Pero habia GOZO en abundancia!! Habia gracia y cada dia fue un adventura nueva. Senti como estaba HACIENDO algo. Y creo es el problema ahora...no siento que estoy haciendo nada menos estudiando...no estoy dando mi misma a nadie. Y se que es mi vocacion ahora de estudiar pero duele y es duro. Me hace falta sentir como hize algo durante el dia. En Honduras fue facil de ver que hize durante el dia, muchas vezes fue algo bien facil como limpiar la casa o visita los viejos. Dios fue CLARO en el trabajo que tuvimos. Es tan mas duro de verlo en quimica organica o fisica. Pero estoy tratando.
Todavia estoy enamorado con mi trabajo. Fue de nuevo ayer para seguir con la doctora catolica aqui y encanto el trabajo y mis companeros de trabajo alla. Son bendiciones de Dios! (y ayer yo traduje para un pareja de Mexico...malisimo...van a reir uds. cuando regresara a Honduras porque casi no puedo hablar ya! lo siento) Estoy lo mas feliz cuando estoy en la clinica o el hospital es como tengo una vida real. Estoy es que extrano soy yo...cuando estaba manejando a mi casa anoche como a las 6 pase por el hospital y quise entrara y seguir trabajando alla (no puedo...no tengo un trabajo alla). El parte triste es que yo quise hacer esto porque no tenia nada mejor de hacer anoche! Ya entiendo como los doctores cayen en el rythmo de trabajar demasiado...durante de sus estudios medicina y el hospital son su vida...y despues cuando son doctores se dan cuenta que han dejado todo para ser doctor que ya no tengan nada menos el hosptial y el trabajo. Y ser doctor ya es su vida. Yo no quise salir del hospital anoche porque trabajar parecia mejor de regresar a mi apartamento sola sin nadie. Esto es porque me hace falta Honduras...siempre habian alguien alla en la casa. Pero encanto mi trabajo todavia...encanto los hospitales...y se mas que nunca que ser doctora es mi vocacion. Solo tengo que rezar para un balancia en mi vida. Y tengo que confiar en Dios que cuando es el tiempo El va a llevarme de nuevo a Honduras. Y hasta esta momento tengo que seguir ofreciendolo para arriba mi tristeza de no estar en Honduras con uds.!
Que Dios nos bendiga y nos da la fuerza de seguir hoy. Y que podemos recordar de rezar para los misiones...para la gente que estan haciendo lo que los demas de nosotros solo podemos sonar de hacer!!

photos of my Uncles Wedding/ fotos de la boda de mi tio

2008-01-25T19:27:00.000-05:00

my uncle, his wife Jerri, and her son

mi tio, su esposa nueva Jerri, y su hijo (mi primo nuevo)

my cousins and I with our grandfather

mis primas y yo con nuestra abuelo

my uncle, his wife Jerri, and my aunt (the pastor)

mi tio, su esposa Jerri, my mi tia (el pastor que hizo la boda)

Prayer Request....Les Pido por Oraciones

2008-01-21T14:34:00.000-05:00

My dear friends...I took an MCAT diagnostic test last week and just got my score back. I completely bombed it!! So I have spent the last few days freaking out. The good news is, thinking about not getting a good enough score to get into medical school has helped me realize just how much I want to go to medical school. I feel like this desire is again confirming my vocation to medicine. That being said...wanting it so badly is freaking me out even more. To get a decent score I need to at least DOUBLE my diagnostic score. So I come before you begging for your prayers. I take the MCAT on May 31st and I beg that you help me storm the gates of heaven with prayers. I know this might seem foolish to most of you...it's not like I'm dying or anything...but this is the only thing (other than serve God) that I want to do with my life. Please, please, please pray that I can be disciplined in my studies this semster and do well on the MCAT in May.
Praise God in ALL things!!

solo...recibi los resultados de mi diagnostica para mi examen de entrada a la Universidad de Medicina...y completamente fracaso. Para entrar necesicito ganar mas que doble lo que gane en mi practica. Les escribo de POR FAVOR rezan que puedo ganar mucho en el MCAT. Atravez de mi miedo sobre mis notas me di cuenta de mi deseo todavia de ser doctora. Por favor, ayudame y rezar que puedo tener exito en mi examen es le 31 de mayo. Se que no es como vida y muerte...pero sus oraciones son importantes...es mi vocacion de ser doctora...ayudame de pedir a Dios. por favor, rezan que puedo tener disciplina en mis estudios este semestre y salir con exito en el MCAT en mayo.

Alabemos a Dios en TODAS las cosas!

babies...

2008-01-16T19:53:00.000-05:00

today was a new day...and the first day of classes. As always I am already overwhelmed by the amount of work that I will have before me this semester. But as my therapist suggested I made a schedule and realized that if I utilize my time wisely there will be time for all things. Please pray that I will utilize my time wisely.
Instead of getting freaked out I started back up today with my wednesday babysitting of the most adorable 10month old baby ever (other than the Hinckley kids of course...) John Paul. Today JP and I went for a walk and he was great for the first 10 minutes and proceeded to scream for the next 15 minutes. I held him in his snuggley close to my chest and just let him cry because it was time for his nap and he was exhausted. Then a miraculous thing happened...he fell asleep. I continued to walk with him, just enjoying the feeling of having a baby in my arms. We went to the stations of the cross outside church where I prayed my rosary...all the while him sleeping quietly in my arms. then when he was still asleep after 3o minutes we went to adoration. There I sat completely blissful...Jesus in front of me and a sleeping baby. Every once in a while he would make the cutest baby noises (sighs...snoring...sucking on his pacifier, etc). And I continue to be astonished by the beauty in small things...I recieved SO much joy from just holding him for a few hours (and yet still rejoiced when I got to give him back to his mother;) ). Praise God for babies and the eucharist...my source of strength!!

solo dije que hoy fue mi primer dia de clases...estoy un poco estressado ya pero se que si uso mi tiempo bueno puedo hacer todo. Rezan por favor que puedo usar mi tiempo bien. Tambien hoy fui a seguir con mi actividad de los miercoles...cuidando un bebe de 10 meses quien se llama Juan Pablo (no es Juan Pablo Hinckley porsupuesto). Hoy fuimos a caminar, chinandolo en mis brazos. El fue excelente por los primeros 1o minutos, lloro y grito por los proximos 15 minutos (de sueno- fue tiempo para su descanso), y despues...un milagro...el dormio en mis brazos. Siguemos caminando por un rato y despues fuimos a los estaciones de la cruz afuera de mi iglesia. Yo sente alla por como 20 minutos con el dormido en mis brazos. Que paz y tranquilidad. Despues fuimos a adoracion. Yo estaba pensando hoy en adoracion que perfecto fue el momento. Jesus en frente de me, un bebe en mis brazos (quien estaba haciendo ruidos tan preciosos en sus suenos) y todo en paz. Yo sigo ser asustado de la belleza en las cosas chiquitos. Yo recibi tanto alegria solo de chiniarlo por algunas horas...(y tambien de regresarlo a su madre en el fin de dia ;) ) Alabemos a Dios por las cosas chiquitas como bebe's y sonrisas...y las cosas grandes...como Jesus en la eucaristia!!!

joyful occasions/cosas gozosos EN ESPANOL!!

2008-01-14T09:58:00.000-05:00

bueno...un amigo me corrigio para no escribir mi blog en espanol (lo siento raul yo pense que nadie estaba leyendolo)

Bueno...fui a Nebraska para la boda de mi tio este fin de semana pasado. El tiene 53 anos y nunca estababa casado antes. Mi tia nueva (jerri) fue la novia de el en universidad. Ella se caso con otro hombre pero de repente divorciaron. Los dos fueron solteros por muchos anos esperando a Dios de llevar su match de alma (no se como se dice "soul mate"). Entonces, este fin de semana reunimos en el campamiento de iglesia Baptista (si mi familia son protestantes) para celebrar el tiempo perfecto de Dios. Durante del ceremonio yo estaba pensando muchas cosas aqui son algunos:

1. Yo no puedo esperar de casarme (bueno...puedo y voy a hacerlo)
Dios esta confirmando en muchas maneras durante estos semanas, meses, y anos pasados mi vocacion al matromonio. Yo estoy en un lugar donde puedo ver la belleza y tengo el deseo de ser completamente de Dios. Puedo ver una vida religiosa y tambien puedo ver la vida soltera como misionera, y tambien puedo ver una vida familiar. Y ya solo quiero hacer que Dios quiere....y creo es casarme.
Pero, tambien, este fin de semana fue sobre entiendo el tiempo perfecto de Dios. Se que ahora no es el tiempo para mi de casarme. Voy a entrar universidad de medicina, ahora no es el tiempo para entrar en el matromonio. Pero, es el tiempo de permitir a Dios de formarme como mujer, futura esposa y madre que EL quiere para me de ser. Hoy es el momento de preparacion para mi vocacion. Por favor, siguen rezando para mi, mi vocacion, y mi esposo futuro quienquieria el puede ser.

2. Encanto ser Catolica!
Mi tia Sandi es un pastor baptista...y ella hizo un buen trabajo en el servicio pero para mi...es como no son casados porque no habia una misa, no habia JESUS en la eucaristia!! Sigo rezando para la conversion de mi familia a la fe catolico!!

3. Voy a ser doctora!!
Esta piensamiento fue claro para mi todo este fin de semana...se (y probablemente uds. tambien) que este semestre no fue facile para mi. Pero la verdad es que estes cosas que estoy estudiando ...no es el parte gozozo. Nadie le gusta este parte...es duro con mucho estress. Pero, menos el estress y el sentido que todo mi futuro esta en los manos de mis notas de este ano...a mi me gusta que estoy estudiando. Me encanta medicina, y hospitales, y ser doctora. Es facile de querer una vida mas simple y facile, que no es llena de luchas...pero Dios no me ha llamado a una vida como esto. Todos luchamos, solo en maneras diferentes. La unica profesion (menos esposa y madre) que quiero es de ser doctora. Y si Dios permite...va a pasar en estos anos. Solo tengo que sobrevivr los proximos 5 meses.

4. Mi vida esta llena de sacrificios pequenos que debo ofrecer.
me di cuenta en estes semanas pasados que tengo mucho de ofrecer a Dios. No son grandes como enfermedades, etc. son pequenos pero creo poderosos por la salvacion de almas. En vez de quejarme sobre mi estress o mis examenes, debo ofrecerles para mi familia, las rosas de maria, los misioneros, etc. Para mi, de no entrar en mi vocacion al matromonio ahora es un sacrificio...ofrezcalo para arriba (no se como se dice "offer it up"). De no vivir en Honduras es un sacrificio...ofrezcalo para arriba!!!! Como santa teresita creo que mi camino hacia la santidad seria una de sacrificios pequenos...

Bueno...entonces, empiezo este semestre renovado en mi animo...con miedo cuando veo tamano de los problemas y projectos pero con la piensamiento en mi mente y alma que la lucha no es mio...Dios esta conmigo y EL va a luchar para mi. Solo tengo que tratar mi mejor y confiar en El. Por favor, rezan para mi y mis estudios. Y Ustedes estan en mis oraciones...ten paciencia con mi espanol se que estoy perdiendo mucho pero estoy tratando. Ojala voy a tomar un clase de espanol este semestre tambien. Rezan para que puedo ofrecer mis sufrimientos y sacrificios pequenos cada dia por la salvacion del almas. Rezan para mi hermana...el diablo esta luchando fuerte para ella...y por todo de mi familia. Les quiero!!!

UNA COSA MAS...MI EXAMEN DE ENTRADA A LA U DE MEDICINA ES 31 DE MAYO!! POR FAVOR AYUNAR Y REZAR ESTE DIA!! Este examen determinara todo mi futuro!!

ALABADO SEA JESU CRISTO....AHORA Y POR SIEMPRE!!!

joyful occasions/ cosas gozosos

2008-01-13T16:15:00.000-05:00

I just flew to Omaha Nebraska this weekend for my uncle's wedding. He's 53 and has never been married before. My new Aunt Jerri and he had dated in college but had separated, she got married and then divorced a few years later. They've both been single for a long time and waiting on God to bring them their soul mate. So this weekend we met at the American Baptist camp in Omaha (yes, my family is baptist) to celebrate God's perfect timing.
As I sat there, listening to "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you" sobbing (of course) there were a few thoughts running through my head:

1) I can't wait to get married.
God has continually been confirming my vocation to marriage over the last few weeks and months. Getting to the point (where I'm still at I believe) of loving religious life and feeling called to serve God with all I have...the point of really not caring one way or the other. Once I reached this point...He keeps confirming in my heart, my prayers, and my discernment- my vocation to marriage.
That being said, this weekend was also about understanding and waiting for God's perfect time. Now is NOT the time for me to get married. I'm about to start med school for crying out loud. That being said, it is the time to continue to allow God to mold me into the woman HE wants me to be so I can be the best wife, and mother possible. Please continue to pray for me and my vocational discernment...and my future spouse whoever he may be.

2) I love being Catholic.
My Aunt Sandi is a Baptist minister and she did a wonderful job with the ceremony...but to me it almost feels like they're not really married because there was no mass...no sacrament...no Eucharist. But it was still beautiful...but I still LOVE BEING CATHOLIC...
in fact..my aunt even talked about the sacrament of marriage and gave a shout out to me and my parents (the only catholics there) saying something along the lines of "we protestants don't believe in sacraments, but if we were going to marriage would be it..."

3) I'm going to be a doctor!!
That thought was very clear to me all weekend, and really over this past week. I know (as do most of you) that this year has not been easy for me. This is the crappy part that's hard...but I DO love medicine. I shadowed a friend of mine who is a doctor last weekend and loved it. I love medicine and other than being a wife and a mother, there is nothing I want to do more.
It was also really exciting this weekend to visit University of Nebraska medical school (my mom's alumni) and Creighton University (my second choice med school). To see that in truth, God willing, I will be a medical student someday soon. I just have to survive the next 5 months.

4) My life is full of small sacrifices that I need to learn to offer up (this was a weekend revelation not just a wedding one)
I realized (esp when talking with my mother) that I need to learn to keep offering up small things for the salvation of souls. Instead of complaining about my stress or my grades I need to offer it up. For me, not being married right now is a sacrifice, OFFER IT UP! Not being in Honduras is a HUGE sacrifice...Offer it UP!! I think there's nothing good that I can be doing these days but there is...I can be growing in holiness and offering up my small sufferings for the people I love most.

So here goes nothing....I begin this semester rejuvenated and still daunted at the size of the task but reminded by God that it is HIS battle and not mine. Please continue to pray that I can be successful in my studies and can continue to offer up my daily sufferings (however small they may be) I ask for your prayers for my sister and my family as we continue to grow closer to God in this new year!!

ALSO, MARK YOUR CALENDERS...MCAT EXAM IS MAY 31ST PLEASE FAST AND PRAY!!!

PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST...NOW AND FOREVER!!

revelations

2008-01-07T20:53:00.000-05:00

A good friend of mine just informed me that I sound depressed in my blogs. Forgive me for that! I should be able to find joy in all things, and I do. The truth is that I usually blog when I've hit the point of not having anywhere else to put my emotions. I'm doing well. I'm struggling and working hard, and somedays I don't know if I can do this. Honestly, I know I can't do this...but GOD can.
I spent this last weekend shadowing a friend of mine, and confirming my vocation again, not only to marriage and family, but also to medicine. I do love medicine and the practice of it. The only thing that concerns me is if it will hinder my vocation to marriage, but seeing as how God has not given me a spouse yet, I shouldn't concern myself with it. But be assured, I still love what I'm doing, and remind me of that please when I'm discouraged. This is God's calling for my life and I will continue in Joy to complete it. Please continue to pray for me as I do for all of you! God be with you all!

fitting quote

2007-12-17T19:02:00.001-05:00

so I came across this quote from Grey's anatomy the other day...it seems especially fitting right now with 2 exams down and one to go.

''At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.''
- Grey's Anatomy

New names...

2007-12-02T11:32:00.001-05:00

I've decided temporarily to change the name of my blog...Beloved...is the new name. This has been a most powerful word for me for about four years now. February 7, 2003 one of my closest friends from childhood was killed by a drunk driver. She was an amazing woman of faith, someone who radiated God's love like no one I've ever met. She challenged me, and loved me...so well.. She was a woman after the heart of the blessed mother...with a gentle and quiet spirit. As you can see she is still impacting my life. Not long before her death, she wrote to some of her friends

" I have learned that the Christian life is not meant to be a life of rules and discouragement, a life of giving up things we hope for but tell ourselves we cannot have because they are "bad¨ or 'wrong'. Jesus died so that we would not be burdened! He took all of our burdens and all that he asks for is our love! If we seek Him and seek Him purely and truly, we will see that Christianity is about freedom. It is about embracing life, living each day to the full. Life is not about being good and bad; it's about loving God and feeling that passion and living out our dreams and being made whole."- Laura Treppendahl

At her funeral her mentor gave a eulogy. She talked about how during their Bible study the year before they were studying the names of the Bible. For their last class she had asked each of the girls to pray about what name God had given them. My friend Laura went up to her after class and said "Beloved...that's the name He has given me. I'm His beloved." There was rejoicing the day she entered into heaven...she was ready...she was His beloved. I realized that I am His beloved as well...no matter what happens...I am His beloved.

Christ YEARNS for us...that is why He came in the flesh...because we are His beloved. May the Lord, the God of creation, who loves us so extravagantly, this advent season, give us the grace to embrace and accept that we are His beloved! Come quickly Lord Jesus, enter our Hearts!!!

Seven Sorrows of Mary

2007-12-02T00:33:00.000-05:00

The Blessed Virgin Mary grants seven graces ot the souls who honor her daily by saying seven Hail Mary's and meditating on her tears and dolors. The devotion was passed on by St. Brigid.

The Seven Graces

1) I will grant peace to their families.

2) They will be enlightened about the divine mysteries.

3) I will console them in their pains and I will accompany them in their work.

4) I will give them as much as they ask for as long as it does not oppose the adorable will of my divine Son or the sanctification of their souls.

5) I will defend them in their spiritual battles with the infernal enemy and I will protect them at every instant of their lives.

6) I will visibly help them at the moment of their death, they will see hte face fo their Mother.

7) I have obtained (this grace) from mjy divine Son, that those who propagate this devotion to my tears and dolors, will be taken directly from this earthly life to eternal happiness since all their sins will be forgiven and my Son and I will be theri eternal consolation and joy.

Seven Sorrows of Mary

1) The prophecy of Simeon (Luke 2: 34,35)

2) The flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:13-14)

3) The loss of the child Jesus in the temple (Luke 2: 43-45)

4) the meeting of Jesus and Mary on the way of the cross.

5) the Crucifixion.

6) The taking down of the Body of Jesus from the cross.

7) the burial of Jesus.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. AMEN

Our Lady of Sorrows...pray for Us.

drowning

2007-12-02T00:28:00.000-05:00

I've been having bad dreams lately....I don't know if it's the stress or what. But dreams where I explode with anger. Last night I dreamt that I was at dinner with my best friend and my parents and I just exploded screaming all the things I've thought but haven't said...I was slamming a chair into the ground (like I did with my physics book one day when I was uber frustrated) and I was crying..."can't you see I'm drowning...I can't do this". I know what freud would say...
It's weird...i alternate with good and bad days. Today was a bad day. A day when i realized just how alone I am here. I don't have family here. My family in Honduras has forgotten I exist, my family (blood- other than my parents) think I'm a radical nut, my virginia beach family is far away and still getting to know me, and the people here in charlottesville are amazing, but they're not my sisters who know my soul so well. I just feel so alone today. Being Catholic is hard...it means I have to quit volunteering at this hispanic clinic becasue they're in partnership with planned parenthood...it means when we go out I'm not wasted hooking up with someone because it's not what I do and it's not what God is asking of me (okay...that one's not very hard to give up)....it means that in almost every discussion about medicine or ethics I'M ALONE!!
Today was a bad day...maybe tomorrow will be better...

many reasons to be thankful...muchas razones de ser agradacedia

2007-11-25T15:38:00.000-05:00

thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, or texted me. This past weekened was difficult but full of grace nonetheless. I left early Saturday morning and arrived in Columbus, Ohio by 10am. My parents were there to meet me at the airport and we went to the retirement community where my grandparents were living. My father has been through so much, but is the perfect person to do it. It was hard to see him hurting so much, but reassuring to see the peace that he had about his father's passing.
Everyone at the nursing home was so wonderful to us. You could see just how much they loved my grandfather. He was always a sweet man, and I'm glad to know that they loved him as their own. He had taken to doing jigsaw puzzles, the other little old ladies there loved it. My aunt actually heard them once "did you see, tom's doing another puzzle?" "Oh, I just love his puzzles, lets go help!"....hahahaha... He's been doing the puzzles and framing them. The people at Feridean (where he lived) had been encouraging him to take the bus that they provide to Mejier's (like a walmart) nearby and buy his own frames but he never wanted to...until 3 weeks ago. He got on the bus and went and bought a frame for his puzzle. He was so proud when he got back and said "that's easy. i can do that." I rejoice knowing he was still finding pleasure in the last weeks. He told Beverly (one of the women that works there) that he wanted her to make sure that each of his three kids got one of the three puzzles he had just completed for christmas. He knew he was going to die. And he was okay with it.
My grandfather's passing was peaceful. I don't know if I said this the last time, but his nurse was catholic, and was there when he passed. As was my father. He had my dad's hand in one hand, and his rosary in the other. He died in the arms of the blessed mother.
So, sunday was the wake, so difficult to see my grandfather in a casket, but good for closure. All of my family was there, all the cousins, aunts, uncles, everyone. A bad reason for a reunion but a joy nonetheless. Monday was the funeral. I was asked 10 minutes before the mass to do the eulogy. Talk about nerve racking!!! But it all went well. It was yet another moment I was so grateful to be catholic. To see the insense with our prayers, rising up to heaven, to hear the blessings, and recieve Jesus, knowing I was being united with my grandfather in that moment of consumption. It was all so peaceful! And the priest (a dominican-who is actually really close friends with my spiritual director-small God world) gave a wonderful homily about preparing ourselves. And so, at the end of it all, I was okay. Death is not something to be feared if we have lived our lives for God. If we have strived to follow Him in all that we do, and if we are like my grandfather, who lived his live full of Love and Joy!! There is nothing to fear.
The next few days were just me and my parents with my grandmother. I stayed with her in her room, and reiceved the great grace of talking with her. She's a little demented now but has moments of clarity that astonish me. We talked for over an hour one night about how she met my grandfather, and their love, and marriage. She kept saying "I never thought he would be the first to go. you know everyone dies, but it doesn't seem real that it can happen so fast." So my days were full of sorrow and joy. Much like the cross.
I then flew to DC for a few days with my best childhood friend, her family, and my sister (and my parents). Arriving back in Cville yesterday to spend the day with my parents, my brother, his fiancee, and half of hokie nation to watch the UVA Vtech game. It was joyful as well.
In short, this last week has been a blur. I miss my grandfather terribly, but I must rejoice in his peace. My mother told me that all my prayers from my former blog were answered. he died in peace, and knowledge of God's love. What else can I be thankful for...I saw my family, I spent quality time with my grandmother, and I have been loved so abundantly by many. I am so grateful!! and now...now it's time to start working again. I love you all and am constantly lifting you up in prayer!! God bless!

Primeramente, gracias a todos que me han llamando y escrito para ofrecer sus oraciones para mi familia. Me ayudo mucho. Okay...algo breve. Fui a columbus, Ohio la sabado pasado. mis padres reunieron con migo en el aeropuerto. Fue tan bueno de verles, pero pobresito mi papi. Ha experimentado mucho en la semana pasado, de cuidar por todo de la funeral de mi abuelo y todo. Pero fue bueno tambien, de ver la paz en los ojos de el...el sabia que mi abuelo esta en un lugar mejor. Bueno, fuimos a ver mi abuela donde vive ella (y vivia mi abuelo). Vive ella en un asylo para los ancianos. pero uno excelente. La gente alla aman los ancianos como sus propios padres. Todos estaban contandonos historias sobre mi abuelo. El estaba haciendo rompecabezas y todos los ancianas estaban encantadas de ver lo. El los puso en marcos, y fue a una tienda en el bus de casa de ancianos hace 3 semanas por la primera vez de comprar su marco solo. Beverly (una de las mujeres que trabaja alla) nos dijo que el dijo cuando regreso "ah, esto fue facile, yo puedo hacer esto." El fue tan orgulloso de hacer para si mismo. Tambien, le dijo de estar segura que cada uno de sus 3 hijos (mi papi, y dos tias) recibien uno de sus rompecabezas para navidad. Pensamos que el sabia que va a morir. Esto me da paz...que el sabia pero no tenia miedo. No se se les dijo esto en mi ultima blog pero mi abuelo se murio con su rosario en un mano, y el mano de mi papa en su otro. El se murio en los brazos de la virgen. Esto me da paz.
Domingo fue la vista del cuerpo y visitacion de la familia. Fue duro de verlo pero bueno tambien. Todo mi familia fue alla, tios, tias, vecinos, sobrinos, todos. Es un mal excuso para tener un reunion de la familia, pero me dio un poco de comodidad. Lunes, fue la funeral. Me dijeron 10 minutos (mas o menos) antes de la misa que quisieron para mi de hacer la eulogoia (no se como se dice...es cuando alguien va a decier cosas sobre la persona que esta muerte). Fue un miedo para mi de estar enfrente de todos tratando de decir sobre la vida de mi abuelo, pero como siempre fue gracia de Dios. Tambien, la misa fue excelente para mi. De ver el incienso levantando a los cielos con nuestros oraciones, de ver el sacerdote (un dominicana ...y bueno amigo de mi director espiritual...que chiquito este mundo) rezando y bendiciendo el ataul, y de recibir a jesus en la eucaristia, y saber en esto momento fue unido con mi abuelo en los cielos. No se, fue otro momento llena de gracia y agradcimiento a Dios por dar me este iglesia, este fe. Ya se (como siempre sabia en la profundidad) que no debemos tener miedo de la muerte. Si vivimos nuestras vidas para Dios, y llena de amor y gozo, podemos morir en paz con el conocimiento que vamos a ver nuestro Dios y creador!
Los siguientos dias fue yo, y mis padres con mi abuela. Yo dormi en el cuarto con ella. Nunca ha vivido sola en 93 anos. Nunca estaba sola. Esto va a ser un cambio grande para ella. Fue duro (porque ella es un poco loca y dificile) pero un gracia tambien. Placticamos por mas que una hora una noche. Sobre so matrimonio, como conocio a mi abuelo, su vida. Todo...se que voy a ser bien feliz que pase este tiempo con ella. Ella me dijo "yo no pense que el va a ir primero. Se que todos mueren, pero no pensamos que va a pasar tan rapido." Rezan por paz en el corazon de ella...creo que esta bien.
Despues fui a Washington DC para celebrar accion de gracia con mis padres, mi hermana, su novio, mi mejor amiga de mi ninez y su familia. Fue bueno. Y llegue con mis padres a charlottesville ayer de pasar el dia con mi hermano y su prometida de ver un partido de futbol americana.
Y hoy...tengo que empezar de estudiar de nuevo. Mi vacacion esta terminado, y esto acercando a mis examenes. Pero mi semana, auque duro, fue llena de gracia, gozo, y amor. entonces auque cosas son duros algunos vezes, este semana me enseno de tener agadecimiento en todos momentos. Estoy en buen salud, con muchas personas que me aman. Que mas puedo querer?? Les queiro a todos, y sigo rezando para uds diaria!! Dios les bendiga!

Thomas Alfred Perone

2007-11-16T10:01:00.000-05:00

Just to update everyone, my gradfather passed away last night. with my father at his side and his rosary in his hand. My mother told me that my prayers were answered, that he died in peace. I'm flying to Ohio tomorrow for the funeral on Monday. Please continue to keep my family and the soul of my grandfather in your prayers. His name was Thomas Alfred Perone....Thanks!

Para que sepan, mi abuelo se murio anoche. Mi padre estuvo con el, y el se murio con su rosario en su mano. Mi mama me dijo que mis oraciones fueron contestado, que el se murio en paz. Voy por ohio manana y el eternamiento es Lunes. Por favor, siguen rezando para mi familia y el alma de mi abuelo, se llamaba Thomas Alfred Perone. Gracias!

PLEASE PRAY!! ...REZA POR FAVOR!!

2007-11-13T19:53:00.000-05:00

Just recieved news from my mother that my parents got an emergent call last night. my grandfather has fallen and broken his hip. he went into surgery today, he also has metastatic bone cancer...it has spread even farther. Things are very uncertain as for his recovery and where he will have to go depending on what happens. please pray!! My father has flown to Ohio today and will be facing many difficult decisions in the next few days as my grandfathers medical proxy...he will also have to tell my grandmother about my grandfather's cancer because my grandpa never wanted her to know.
Please, please, please pray. My grandparents are wonderful people but so unsure of the truth. They have practiced the catholic faith for 90something years now but aren't sure of Jesus as the living truth. Pray for them to recieve the peace they need, the peace from the blessed mother, and the peace from Christ. To KNOW with all that is in them, that He is real, that HE exists, and that death is nothing to fear. I will do my best to keep you all updated. Thanks!

Porfavor, reza!! Mis padres recibieron una llamada anoche diciendo que mi abuelo se cayo y se rompio su cadera (?)- la parte de su pierna. Bueno, tambien el tiene cancer y ha extendido a otros partes de su cuerpo. Mi abuelo entro cirguia hoy y mi papa volo a Ohio este manana. Por favor, reza. mi padre tiene muchos decisiones de hacer en estos dias, como lo abagado o encargado de mis abuelos. Reza que el puede tener la sabiduria que necesicita. Tambien, el tiene que decir a mi abuela sobre el cancer de mi abuelo, porque mi abuelo no quiso para ella saber. No sabemos que va a pasar...reza por favor!!
Mis abuelos son buena gente. Han practicado la fe catolica para mas que 90 anos. Pero no conocen Jesus como una persona real. En estos anos mas cerca a la muerte mis abuelos han tendido dudas sobre la realidad de los cielos, sobre Jesus. Reza que ellos pueded SABER y CONOCER el amor y realidad de Jesus, y su santa Madre. Que pueden creer el la misericordia de Dios, que El existe, y no hay nada de tener miedo de la muerte. Voy a tratar de darles mas informacion cuando tengo. Gracias!!

pictures from the last few weekends

2007-11-12T18:15:00.001-05:00

desumo weekend

St. Greg's Dinner/dance

diving in...

2007-11-12T15:23:00.000-05:00

well so much has been going on since my last post. Classes are going well...for the most part. It looks like I'm only going to get 2 A's which kinda sucks but God's in charge. I'm continuing to plod along. I've been out of town almost every weekend for the last month. In Virginia Beach all 3 times. First for Kelli Esposito's baby shower, then the missioners desumo weekend, and this past weekend for the St.Greg's anniversary dinner dance (this picture is from that dinner).

This morning I was up at 6:15am to head into surgery. I watched cardio-thoracic surgery for the last 8 hours and it was INCREDIBLE!! I really enjoyed myself. Everyone was extremely friendly and I know now more than ever that I'm supposed to go into medicine. Please continue to pray for my perseverance. I'm pretty burned out with school and finding it hard to make myself study. But this morning/afternoon was PHENOMENAL!!

On the other list of miracles...I'll update on what St.Gianna is continuing to do in my life. As most of you know I have a devotion to St. Gianna, she picked me 2 years ago when I first entered the missioners chapel in Honduras (although I didn't even know she was there). Well I started shadowing this amazing catholic doctor here in Charlottesville, who I found through the parish bulletin. She (surprise surprise) also has a huge devotion to ST. Gianna. She has been an amazing mentor and Friday afternoons are my favorite time of the week. This being said, I went to work last Friday and she told me she had a surprise for me. A friend of hers had just gone to Rome, she had told her about me and my devotion to St. Gianna. and this friend brought me a RELIC OF ST> GIANNA!!! yes, I'm serious. To get even weirder, this friend of hers (who I have never met) is actually someone I should have met. In August, when I felw to michigan for my Godbaby's baptism, I met this woman on a plane and we began talking. It turns out her daughter is a parishoner at my parish. She gave me her name and told me to contact her (which i never did). This woman's daugher is the same person who brought me my relic!!! I KNOW>>>GOD IS SO GOOD!! Anyway, I have to run. I have to read organic chemistry now. I love you all and am praying for you!! God bless!

Etel's here!! - Etel esta!

2007-10-14T21:57:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone...thanks for your prayers. Praise God Etel arrived safely in Louisiana last weekend. Although she didn't know it at the time I had a break from school monday and tuesday and was able to fly down and surprise her at the airport. Alyson, my parents, and I drove to New Orleans and met her. It was wonderful to see her. Sunday my parents and I went to mass with Etel and we went to go visit Mike the tiger at LSU (GO TIGERS)! Monday, Etel and I went to the convent where my father works and the nursing home where she's going to be volunteering. I had to leave for virginia tuesday, but Praise God we had a great visit!! It was such a blessing to see and spend time with Aly and Etel. I continue to thank God for their presence in my life.

Well I'm back here in Charlottesville, studying, and preparing for more exams. God's grace continues to be prevalent...I'm shadowing a wonderful Catholic doctor who is a great example for me. She is a wife, mother, and a doctor, and big surprise she has a devotion to St. Gianna!! God is good...I met with fr. brian (the priest at my parish) on Friday to talk about spiritual direction and we're going to meet again in a few weeks. Please pray for our discernment about God's will! I have to run and study...but I'm praying for you all.

Suffering and Mother Teresa...sufrimento y madre teresa

2007-09-09T10:56:00.000-04:00

I was reading my magnificat the other day and there was a wonderful reflection by mother teresa about suffering. (I'm going to include it here). Now as many of you know I'm a big fan of Mother Teresa because in this time of my dark night of the soul (whether self imposed or from God we have still to find out) it does comfort me a little to know that she experienced this darkness for the last 50 years of her life. So I searched the web to find more reflexions about suffering by her...and was surprised to find pages of websites AGAINST mother teresa. Apparently there is a new book that is a compilation of her writings to spiritual directors relaying this darkness that she experienced. People are just saying the worst things about her, that she was a fraud (HUH???) and that she didn't really care for the poor. Basically it's trash...and slander. I was really struggling with this last night and the phrase "you shall know a tree by it's fruits" just kept going in my head...whatever people want to say about mother teresa...let's look at the fruits...poor are dying with a roof over thier heads, the order is growing EXPONENTIALLY, and people have grown in love and charity because of her life and witness. Those look like good fruits to me...so whatever other people want to say about Mother Teresa...I still love her. To continue in faith after such times of darkness...to experience so much suffering and not show it to all the world...well isn't that the witness. I struggle with that greatly at what point hiding my suffering so that it is between just God and I becomes being a hypocrite and a fake...but apparently Mother Teresa struggles with it as well...now I'm not comparing myself to mother teresa...I'm just saying well...I don't really know.
Here's the reflexion I read in Magnificat...

" Suffering has to come because if you look at the cross, he has got his head bending down- he wants to kiss you- and he has both hands open wide- he wants to embrace you. He has his heart opened wide to recieve you. Then when you feel miserable inside, look at the cross and you will know what is happening. Suffering, pain, sorrow, humiliation, feelings of loneliness, are nothing but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close that he can kiss you. Do you understand, brothers, sisters, or whoever you may be? Suffering, pain, humiliation- this ist he kiss of Jesus. At times you come so close to Jesus on the corss that he can kiss you. I once told this to a lady who was suffering very much. She answered, "Tell Jesus not to kiss me- to stop kissing me." That suffering has to come that came in the life of Our Lady, that came in the life of Jesus- it has to come in our life also. Only never put on a long face. Suffering is a gift from God. It is between you and Jesus alone inside...Our total surrender will come today by surrendering even our sins so that we will be poor. "Unless you become a child you cannot come to me." You are too big, too heavy; you cannot be lifted up. We need humility to acknowledge our sin. The knowledge of our sin helps us to rise. "I will get up and go to my Father." " - Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

Blessed Mother Teresa...PRAY FOR US!!!

Bueno el otro dia yo lei un reflexion de madre teresa sobre sufrimiento. Fue excelente. Como la majoria saben me gusta mucho madre teresa, especialmente ahorita. Ahora estoy en mi noche oscura del alma...y me da animo de saber que esta santa experimento esta oscuridad (estoy segura mas profundamente que yo) por mas que 50 anos...y ella fue SANTA! bueno, todavia no estoy segura si esta oscuridad para mi es de Dios o es de mi propio problema pero vamos a ver. Entonces yo fui de buscar mas palabras de madre en el internet...y de mi sorpresa hay paginas de sitios CONTRA madre teresa. Personas estan diciendo cosas feos sobre ella, que ella no hizo nada, que los condiciones en las asylos son horribles...y parece que ya salio un libro de cartas de madre a sus directores espirituales confiando sobre la oscuridad. Personas estan diciendo que ella sabia que fue hypocrita, bueno no voy a decir todo...pero fueron feos. Me di COURAJE!! de golpearlos...pero si las cartas son de ella...que podemos hacer...si ella pensaba que fue hypocrita...y estaba bien preocupada anoche y con frequencia la escritura "vas a saber un arbol de sus frutos" pasaba en mi mente. Y yo pense...no importa que dicen otros personas el diablo siempre va a encontrar maneras de luchar contra Dios, tenemos que ver los frutos de la vida de madre. Cuales son estos frutos, un mundo mas consiente de la responsibilidad a amor y los pobres, alguons pobres han muerto con un techo sobre sus cuerpos, y con amor...y la orden de los misioneros de caridad ha crecido MUCHO!! entonces, sabiamos que ella estaba en la oscuridad espiritualmente, no fue un secreto...no podemos juzgar que Dios ha hecho...nosotros SAbemos que ella fue santa...tenemos que luchar contra los mentiras del diablo en todos formas...y rezar por las personas que son tan perdidos que quieren buscar culpa y cosas malas en todos.

aqui es la reflexion que yo leyi de sufrimiento...

"Sufrimiento tiene que llegar porque si mira la cruz, el tiene su cabeza inclinado- el quiere besarle- el tiene los dos manos abiertos- el quiere abrazarle. El tiene su corazon abierto de recibirle. Entonces cuando siente desesperado adentro, mira la cruz y va a saber que esta pasando. Sufrimiento, dolor, tristeza, humiliacion, sentidos de ser solo, estos son nada menos el bezo de Jesus, un signal que has llegado tan cerca a el que el puede bezarle. Entienden hermanos, hermanas, o cualquier personas son? Sufrimiento, dolor, humiliacion- esto es el bezo de Jesus. Algunos veces pueden llegar tan cerca a Jesus en la cruz que el puede bezarles. Una vez yo dije esto a una mujer que fue sufriendo mucho. Ella me contesto "Diga a Jesus de no bezarme- para besandome!" El sufrimiento tiene que llegar que llego el la vida de Nuestra Senora, que llego en la vida de Jesus- tiene que llegar en nuestros vidas tambien. Solomente, nunca ponga una cara triste. Sufrimiento es un regalo de Dios. Esta entre ud y Jesus solamente adentro...Nuestra abilidad de entregar totalmente a Dios va a llegar hoy atravez de entregar tambien nuestros pecados para que podemos ser pobres. "A menos que seas como un nino no puedes llegar a mi" Ud es tan grande, tan pesado; no puede ser levantado. Necesicitamos humildad para reconocer nuesto pecado. Esta conocimiento de nuestos pecados nos ayuda de levantarnos. "Voy a levantarme y ir a mi Padre." " - Madre Teresa

BEATA MADRE TERSA...RUEGA POR NOSOTROS!!!!

update...resumen

2007-09-08T10:16:00.000-04:00

I should start at the beginning...I went to Honduras over break...it was weird but wonderful. I arrived and it was almost like I had never left, like the last three months had been some weird awful dream. I passed 9 days there...blissful with the Lord Jesus every day, and new community members, and my dear sister Etel. But I knew I had to leave, and there was peace. It was a very weird experience to be in "my" house and "my" neighborhood and feel like I wasn't supposed to be there. Not because people didn't want me there...but because it's not where God is calling me to be. So I have peace about being in the US...it's where the Lord has asked me to be. And I had the opportunity to talk with Fr. John Anthony and recieve wonderful direction. I'm so grateful for him and the wisdom that the Lord gives him.

Basically, what I realized (and already knew but it sounds so much better coming from Fr. John) was that I can't expect the same life here that I had in Honduras. I'm in a new place and my faith and it's application will change. I can't pray for 5 hours a day here...it's not logical. There was crying (of course) but in the end...I felt well. Like I was centered. I'm doing the best I can, and if the Lord is farther from me...well then that's where He's put me for right now. I told Fr. John I'm just so tired...that I don't feel like I love the Lord anymore. I just want SO desperately to love the Lord. He reminded me that this is the challenge...it's easy to be faithful when we feel God so close to us...but this is when it's real love...when it's a choice. So I continue to choose Christ!! in the midst of the dryness of the desert I chooose the Lord.

After that trip I went straight to Michigan to be Godmother to my cousin Katie's sons Aiden and Grayson. They're my first God babies and I'm so excited...their existance and baptism is a HUGE blessing, miracle, and wonder for my whole family. PRAISE THE LORD!! I must say it was wonderful to see my cousin, to see how much she's grown and what a wonderful wife and mother she is. I'm SO proud of her!!! and also to see my aunt and uncle, cousins, and of course my parents!! what blessings!!!!

(Me, Doug-the God father, Grayson, Katie, Aiden, Samantha (my other cousin who was also baptised that day), Brandon (katie's husband), Rudy and Rylee (the other God parents))

And now I'm back here in Virginia, studying...struggling but recieving Grace in ABUNDANCE!!! I can't wait to start medical school and God has been placing the most wonderful people in my life. I'm going to be shadowing a wonderful female catholic doctor, and have met two other wondeful catholic doctors...so in short...as always the Lord is providing.

I continue to pray for you all!!!

bueno, en espanol ya! Como saben, fui a Honduras por un descanso. Fue extrano, excelente pero extrano. De estar en "mi" casa, y "mi" barrio y no sentir como fue mio!! No porque la gente no quisen para me de estar...pero mas porque yo se no es donde Dios esta llamandome. Ahora mi vida es como media vida...no estoy VIVIENDO como yo vivia en Honduras. Pero, yo se tambien que mi lugar ahorita no esta en Honduras. Ojala un dia de nuevo, pero cuando yo fui de Honduras yo tenia paz en mi corazon.

Mi tiempo alla fue incredible, de ver mis amigos, mi familia, y hablar con padre juan antonio y padre juan diego especialmente...fue excelente. Yo sentia como fue mas paz y balance en mi vida. Estoy luchando de guardar esto...

Yo llegue para el baptismo de mis hijados...los hijos Aiden y Grayson, de mi prima Katie. Fue excelente de verla como madre y esposa. Soy bien orgullosa de ella!! Fue un ceremonio excelente. (a la derecha: yo y mi prima Katie)

Y ya estoy aqui trabajando y luchando con biologia, quimica organica, y fisica. Dios ha puesto muchos personas en mi vida en estos semanas pasados. Voy a trabajar con una doctora catolica y tengo dos doctores mas con quien tal vez voy a trabajar. Dios es fiel como siempre. Es una lucha pero como siempre yo se esto es donde El me ha llamado...so aqui sigue...trabajando y luchando hasta que El me dices parar!!

Estoy rezando para uds. como siempre!! Les quiero MUCHISIMO!!!

aqui estoy...

2007-09-03T19:05:00.000-04:00

well I started school again last week...organic chem, bio, physics, and the labs in one semester. Returned from a 11 day journey to Honduras to regain my soul...and reconnect with God. It seems like forever ago...but I'm at peace with that decision. I'm supposed to be here...no matter how hard it is. God will give me grace and strength...but I must confess i'm already overwhelmed!!! Only God can get me through this...
on a positive note I'm now the proud God mother of my cousin's 2 sons...YAY!! I'll write more and post pictures later...Organic chemistry calls....

finished

2007-08-10T19:43:00.000-04:00

Well the year is over...the summer school year at least...finished out my summer with A- in Lab and A- in lecture first semester and a B+ in lab and an A in lecture second semester. Seriously struggling in my faith and my closeness (or lack thereof) with God but am going to Honduras Monday to recharge my batteries...Pray for me as I do for all of you!

Growing in Grace...creciendo en Gracia...and I don't mean in a good way!

2007-07-30T14:27:00.001-04:00

well the year is winding down...had my second exam today...my last one next monday and my final on Wednesday. I'm ready to go to Honduras...I need to recharge my batteries and remember why I'm here in the first place...
on a scary note...
while in Honduras I learned about a group called "growing in grace" (creciendo en gracia) They're a frightening group that follows a wealthy man from Puerto Rico who claims to be the anti-christ. I don't know too much but they do things like tatoo 666 on their hands and forheads in green...they are growing sadly enough...they believe many things but from what I've heard...that the letters from St. paul ARE their bible...(negating EVERYTHING else) and that what we do on earth doesn't impact our soul (ie. you can kill anyone you want and it doesn't matter). We met with these people a few times in Honduras and I was always a little scared...
SO the other day I'm on the trolley in Cville with 2 friends and we're talking and a sketchy looking man starts trying to talk with us. He then proceeds to try and give my friend Ashley a cross necklace...she really doesn't want to take it but finally gives in...at this point is when I notice the 666 tattooed on his hand in green...he was part of creciendo en gracia...growing in grace. Which would explain the freaky vibe I got from him...I at this point grabbed my rosary (which thank God is always in my pocket) and started to pray for protection for us and conversion for him. He got off the trolley before us...needless to say Ashley discarded the necklace. I was very startled to see someone from creciendo en gracia in charlottesville...just goes to show how much more we need to pray for the conversion of sinners.

bueno..rusemen...en el bus el otro dia con mis amigas...un hombre empezo hablar con nosotras y intento dar una cadena a mi amiga...en este momento yo vi en su mano en verde un tatuaje de 666!! creciendo en gracia...en este momento yo aggare mi rosaro en mi bolsa y empeze rezar para nosotras y para el tambien. Mi amiga boto la cadena y no habia problemas...nada...pero me asuste de verlo...y recorde de la necesicidad en oracion. Bueno...casi estoy termindada con mis estudios del verano...gracias a dios...vamos a ver que va a pasar!

Tony and Mandy's Wedding

2007-07-15T14:33:00.000-04:00

Here's one more picture that was just sent to me by Pat's girlfriend Rebecca...All the previous Honduras long term volunteers that were there. (L to R) Clare Jester, Tony Lashon (the groom), Patrick Gallic, and ME!! If anyone else doesn't recognize Pat Gallic that's okay...I didn't either.

Aqui es una foto mas de la boda...los voluntarios de largo tiempo de Honduras...clara, tony, patricio, y Yo.

went to Tony and mandy's wedding yesterday...all I can say is BEAUTIFUL!! It was a wonderful wedding...their love is tangible. Many missioners were there (including Pat and Clare from 1st generation long term volunteers), Tom and kelli, Marylee, Charice, Mario, Josh, Gidget and Terry, Stefano and Laurie, Bob and Diane, Dave, and many more. It was just a great opportunity to celebrate their love with them and have a good time. I've attached a few pictures of the happy couple...I'll add more when I get a chance.

Fue a la boda de tony ayer...fue bien linda. El amor entre ellos es incridible...gracias a dios! Tambien fue excelente de hablar con patricio y clara y muchos otros misioneros.

voy a poner mas fotos cuando tengo.

Paz...mas o menos...Peace, more or less

2007-07-12T11:57:00.000-04:00

well...I went on a personal retreat with the trappist nuns in Crozet Tuesday and wednesday. it's amazing how GOD is SO good all the time. After not doing so well on my exam Monday I really needed the time to figure out why I was so upset...I didn't fail...so why did I feel like a failure. God really showed me my tendency to compare myself to others and to start counting on the world's opinion of me...,instead of trusting in HIS plan. It's amazing because there was a cancelation at the monastery (they only have 2 guest cabins) right before I called for the same night I wanted!!! God is SO good and is always preparing the way for me. So I had a few days of quiet and REST (I slept for 15 hours!!!) and more or less prayerful contemplation...and I finally arrived at peace...whatever my final grade was.

today we started Chem 142...YAY!! and I got my final grade for chem 141 and the lab. A- in both!!!!! Praise God...even when I perform poorly HE is faithful!!! But the best part was that I was prepared for worse and I had peace...knowing that His will is perfect.!!

Our lady of Peace...pray for US!!!!

Bueno...fue a las monjas trappistas en Crozet por un retiro personal. Dios me monstro como estoy cayendo en los metas y retos del mundo...teniendo mas confianza en sus tamanos y ideas de exito que en los de EL. Yo tenia muchos cosas sobre que necesicitaba rezar. Despues de hacer menos que perfecto en mi examen final yo necesicite un descanso. Es otro ejemplo de como Dios esta haciendo el camino enfrente de mi...habia un cancelacion con las monjas dias antes por el mismo dia que yo quise ir. Dios sabia (claro) que yo voy a necesicitar el tiempo en silencio. Entonces yo fue...yo dormi MUCHISIMO (15 horas) y reze...yo llegue con paz en mi corazon no importa las resultados de mis notas.

hoy empezamos Quimica 142...y yo recibi mis notas por quimica 141 y el laboratorio...A- en los dos!!! ALABENLO!!! Cuando yo estoy hacindo bien mal...EL es fiel!! El parte mejor fue que yo estaba lista con paz no importa los resultados...sabiendo que el voluntad de EL es perfecto!

Nuestra Senora de la Paz...Ruega por nosotros!!

Failure is an opportunity for growth...right???

2007-07-09T18:34:00.001-04:00

well I failed my final exam in Chemistry today...lowest grade of all of my exams and worth the most. Spent the last few hours crying and am struggling to remember why I'm here and seek God's grace and hand in all this. There is just such an atmosphere of competition...and failure. What am I doing here? why am I so stupid? Is this all just a cruel lesson in humility? I just want to go home... am going on a personal retreat with the trappists in Crozet for the next few days. Hopefully God will speak to me there...Pray for perseverance please...

St. Gianna pray for me...

bueno...fracase mi ultima examen de quimica hoy. My nota mas bajo de todos mis examenes y vale lo mas puntos de todos. Pase los ultimas horas llorando y luchando de recordar porque estoy aqui...y buscar la gracia de Dios y SU mano en todo de esto. Hay un ambiente de competicion tan fuerte...y yo no soy suficiente. Que estoy haciendo aqui? Porque soy tan tonta? Es posible todo esto es un lecion cruel en humildad? Solo quiero regresar a dias mas faciles...cuando me gusto mi misma mas. voy a un retiro personal con monjas por las proximas dias...tal vez Dios va a hablar con mi alla...Rezan para perseverancia porfavor.

Santa Gianna ruega por mi...

Santa Patrona Nueva (en Espanol)

2007-07-07T20:54:00.000-04:00

Bueno...por fin tengo un poquito de tiempo de traducir mi ultimo mensaje...tengo un examen lunes (mi ulitma de este clase) y estoy buscando otros cosas de hacer en lugar de estudiar...entonces esto debe ser corto.

La historia es esto...hace algunos semanas yo tenia miedo del tamano de este prueba y trabajo. Estaba hablando con Sally Sargent de mis preocupaciones sobre como voy a estudiar como asi Y casarme Y tener hijos (no importa que ni uno de estos va a pasar pronto). Mas como..no se se vale la pena de seguir en esto si no puedo ser esposa y madre. Y ella me conto sobre una santa...este mujer fue esposa, madre, santa, Y DOCTORA!!! Ella me dijo que no pudria recordar como se llama esta santa pero que buscaria. LA MISMA NOCHE...mi amiga y hermana Jiza me envio una text de telefono "Jenny, estoy rezando para ti a Santa Gianna. Santa, Doctora, Esposa, y Madre". Recuerdan que yo no habia dicho NADA a ella de mi conversacion con Sally. Fue un segnal GIGANTE!! Entonces...Santa Gianna es mi patrona nueva. Fue hacer santa (cannonized??- canonizacion??) de Papa Juan Pablo II.

Estes partes son de un sitio de web http://www.gesuiti.it/moscati/Espanol/Esp~Molla.html
Ella tenia tres hijos y al segundo mes de embarazo con su cuarto hijo le descubren un fibroma que crece cerca del útero y que amenaza su salud y la misma vida del niño. Enseguida se da cuenta, sobre todo por su condición de médico, que delante a ella se pone una dramática alternativa: salvarse o salvar la criatura que está por llegar.Todos, familiares y médicos, han testimoniado unanimemente, su reacción fue la de privilegiar la vida que llevaba en su seno.
El médico al que se dirigió, dice su hermano sacerdote, le dijo claramene: "Si queremos salvar su vida tenemos que interrumpir el embarazo", una respuesta rápida: "Profesor, ¡esto no lo permitiré nunca! ¡Es un pecado matar en el seno materno!»
Se podían preveer tres tipos de intervento, así testimonia su marido: "Una laparatomía total con extracción del fibroma y del útero, que le habría salvado la vida seguro; interupción del embarazo con un aborto y extracción del fibroma, que le habría permitido tener otros hijos; o extracción solo del fibroma sin interrumpir el embarazo.
Gianna escogió esta última solución, la más peligrosa para ella. En aquellos tiempos era prevedible que un parto, después de un intervento de este tipo, fuese muy peligroso para la madre. Y esto Gianna, como médico, lo sabía muy bien."

Ella se murio algunos dias despues del nacimento de su hija Gianna Emanuela.

santa Gianna con sus hijos
un poco mas de su vida...

"Coronando una existencia ejemplar de estudiante, de mujer enpeñada en la comunidad eclesial y de esposa y madre feliz, supo ofrecer en sacrificio su vida para que pudiese vivir la criatura que llevaba en su seno, y que hoy está aquí con nosotros. Ella como médico era consciente de lo que estaba haciendo, pero no se echó atrás ante el sacrificio."
Con estas palabras Juan Pablo II ha resumido la existencia de Gianna Beretta Molla durante la solemne Beatificación el 24 de abril de 1994, año dedicado a la Familia.
Gianna Beretta Molla
"Queremos honrar, dice el Papa, a todas las madres valientes que se dedican sin reservas a la propia familia, que sufren dando a luz a sus hijos, y que esán dispuestas a afrontar cualquier sacrificio para transmitirles los tesoros que tienen dentro de ellas".
Un gesto heroico no nace nunca de la improvisación, como en este caso, es fruto de una larga maduración personal. La familia en la que creció Gianna, profundamente cristiana, fue para todos los hijos el lugar adecuado para que se imprimiese en ellos y en su quehacer de cada día los valores de la fe. Y de este "árbol bueno" han crecido frutos excelentes.
Nació en Magenta, en provincia de Milán (Italia del norte), el 4 de octubre de 1922. Después del Liceo Classico empezó la carrera de Medicina y Cirugia en la Universidad de Pavia. Terminó sus estudios en 1949, se especializó en Ginecologia.
Trabajó siempre con empeño y entusiasmo para corresponder a la Gracia del Señor, apoyándose cada dia en la Eucaristia y en la Palabra de Dios, inserida activamente en Acción Católica, en concreto ayudaba en las actividades de la "san Vincenzo".
El hecho de que decidiese estudiar Medicina no fue una novedad en la familia, pero su decisión era en vista de un apostolado particular: las misiones en América latina colaborando con su hermano sacerdote. Desde mucho tiempo cultivaba el ideal misionario, pero poco a poco se dio cuenta de que otra era la voluntad del Señor para ella, y cuando vio claramente que Dios la llamaba al Matrimonio no vaciló, y el campo de su acción misionaria fue "el prójimo": en su caso los enfermos que cada día iban a su estudio.
Abrió un ambulatorio en Mesero, un pequeño pueblo cerca de Magenta, enseguida se ganó el afecto de la gente del lugar, que apreciaba cada vez más su espíritu de sacrificio y su desinterés.
Su hermana Virginia testimonia: "Necesitaba darse a los más pobres y necesitados, hasta el punto de rechazar la propuesta de su novio de renunciar a su trabajo profesional: la rechazó con decisión, sin miramientos, y después del matrimonio continuo a ir cada tarde al ambulatorio de Mesero".
Otras testimonianzas, como la de la enfermera Luigia Galli, nos dan una idea de "como" Gianna viviese su profesión: "Visitaba y enseñaba a los enfermos. Lo hizo hasta el último mes de embarazo, cuando la llamaban de noche acudía siempre... Continuó asistiendo a los enfermos hasta el día antes de entrar en la clínica para dar a luz su última hija. Si el cliente era pobre, Gianna, no solo hacía la visita médica gratis, sino que también le daba las medicinas o el dinero. Se iba del ambulatorio solo cuando había terminado la última visita. A veces eran ya las nueve y media de la noche."
"Gianna - dice una amiga suya, Mariuccia Parmigiani - con su sonrisa buena y alegre sabía conquistarse completamente las personas que se le acercaban, imprimiendo en ellas una gran confianza..." Y María Barni, de Mesero, confirma su enpeño generoso, que no se limitaba a curas físicas: "Cuando algún enfermo no podia continuar a hacer el mismo tipo de trabajo por motivos de salud, le buscaba otro adaptado a su situación, y en varias ocasiones lo consiguió, sistemó bastantes personas con este tipo de problema".
Gianna Beretta Molla
Los lectores de nuestra revista saben bien el empeño que ponemos en difundir el culto a San José Moscati, el médico santo de Nápoles, y así darlo a conocer, surge espontaneo poner en evidencia en la vida de Gianna Beretta Molla el ejercicio de su profesión, sobre todo porque, como para Moscati, no la veia sólo como un modo como otro cualquiera de trabajar, sino como una forma privilegiada de servicio al prójimo, viendo en ellos el Señor.
Un comportamieno para nada de moda: sabemos bien que hoy en día los enfermos son considerados sólo un "número", incluso a veces una fuente de riqueza. "Hacer bien nuestra parte. Estudia bien tu ciencia. Hay hoy una carrera al dinero - escribe Gianna al inicio de su profesión de médico - hay, desgraciadamente, superficialidad también en nuestro trabajo. Cuidamos los cuerpos pero, muchas veces, sin competencia." Gianna ponía en resalto todo esto en los años cincuenta. Ahora todavía son actuales en un médico estas faltas.
Estas palabras de Gianna nos recuerdan lo que San José Moscati escribía en 1923 a un amigo suyo médico: "Acordaos que no solo os teneis que ocupar del cuerpo, también de las almas que gimendo vienen a vosotros. ¡Cuantos sufrimientos aliviaréis más facilmente con un consejo, yendo al espíritu, mas que con frías recetas que tienen que llevar al farmacéutico! Estad contentos porque mucha será vuestra recompensa, pero tenéis que dar ejemplo a los que os rodean de vuestra cercanía a Dios".
Es la misma recomendación que hace Gianna Beretta al médico cristiano: "No te olvides del alma del enfermo. [...] Tenemos oportunidades que el sacerdote no tiene. Nuestra misión no termina cuando las medicinas no sirven, todavía queda el alma que hay que llevar a Dios. [...] Cada médico tiene que llevar almas a los sacerdotes. ¡Los médicos católicos son necesarios!» Y más adelante dice: "Que Jesús se pueda ver entre nosotros. Que encuentre muchos médicos que se entregen a Él».

bueno...entonces...ella es mi patrona nueva...y debo estudiar si voy a seguir como doctora...les quiero!!

New Patron Saint...nueva santa patrona

2007-06-26T11:59:00.000-04:00

So a few days ago I was overwhelmed with the size of the task in front of me, doubting my ability to be a wife, mother, AND doctor (not that I'm any of the three right now)...and Sally Sargent told me about a saint who was all three...but couldn't remember her name. THat SAME NIGHT my friend Jiza texted me and told me she was praying for me to St. Gianna . wife, mother, physician, and saint. God answered my prayers...so faithfully. I very much feel called to adopt this saint as my new patron of study and life. Here's a little more about her...

St. Gianna Molla

October 4, 1922 – April 28, 1962

“If you must choose between me and the baby, no hesitation; Choose—and I demand it—the baby,
Save him!”

Gianna Beretta Molla was an Italian doctor, wife, and mother who refused to have either an abortion or hysterectomy when she was pregnant with her fourth child. Doctors had discovered in the second month of her pregnancy a fibroma tumor in her uterus. As a doctor, Gianna knew the consequences of not fully treating the fibroma. She chose the life of her child over her own.

On the morning of April 21, 1962, a healthy baby girl was born, Gianna Emanuela. Her mother died of septic peritonitis a week after the birth. Gianna was beatified by Pope John Paul II on April 24, 1994, during the international year of the family and was canonized on May 16, 2004.

voy a traducir esto mas tarde...no hay tiempo ahortia...en breve...tengo una santa patrona nueva...santa, doctora, madre, y esposa!! Santa Gianna!

MEME: 8 Random Facts about Me

2007-06-22T12:58:00.001-04:00

well Michelle tagged me in her blog...familiahinckley.blogspot.com
so I decided since I finished my lab early and have a few hours to wait before lab lecture (yes Fridays are fun) I'd actually answer it. First the rules:

For this meme, each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog

Fact #1: I'm completely NEUROTIC!! I know this doesn't come as a surprise to most of you but I thought it was important. I worry about the stupidest things...and I spend WAY too much time on it. My therapist calls it ruminating...so yeah...i'm a ruminator. like the terminator but not.

Fact #2: I'm going to be a doctor...well someday. I'm in the post bac pre med program at UVA right now...meaning I'm completely insane. Taking Chemistry, Physics, Organic Chemistry, and Biology plus all their labs in one year...yeah...absolutely NUTS!! Between chemistry, chemistry lab, and chemistry lecture I have no life.

Fact #3: Science is not my forte. Sad to say...especially considering fact number 2. But it's a great opportunity for me to grow in humility and hopefully holiness. God created science...He can teach it to me right?

Fact #4: I'm really starting to like living alone and living in silence. When I first moved into my apartment I got a CD player b/c the silence freaked me out. I never turn it on now. Weird, but true. I don't actually spend a lot of time in my apartment but the time I Do spend there is done in silence.

Fact #5: I REALLY like HUGS!!! One of my favorite things...that and holding babies. All is right with the world when you see that person you really care about and get a nice big hug. I don't think we hug enough in the world...I'm not getting any hugs these days...so maybe I'm turning into an UN hugger. Which would be sad.

Fact #6: I first started doing mission work when I was 14. My first mission trip was to Jamaica my sophomore year of high school with my church. My parents went too...our whole team went to visit the Bob Marley Museum...and I had to ask what that funny smell in the air was (oh how naive). My first cold showers were there..and I was hooked.

Fact #7: I am in love with Honduras. My heart is there...and I wouldn't be the person that I am (albeit strange one that I am) without Honduras. It feels like Honduras was a lifetime ago...not just two months. But so much has happened...about a semester of chemistry actually.

Fact #8: I don't like wearing shoes. I have some cute shoes but my feet just feel so constricted in them now. I only wear flip-flops. Sad but true...I've pretty much changed my wardrobe since Honduras...jeans, tshirts, and flip-flops. I don't know what I'm going to do when winter comes...but I still have a few months.

Sorry if none of those were very deep. My brain is pretty fried from have a 2 hour summary of quantum chemistry physics stuff this morning...nothing better for humility than quantum physics...oh and I'm not tagging anyone because everyone I know who has a blog (all four people) has already done this. Sorry!

Pure Craziness- Pura locura!

2007-06-18T13:54:00.000-04:00

well...where do i start? I just started classes last tuesday...not even a week ago...and it feels like it was a month ago. I have had my moments...seriously doubting if I can do this. Covering a chapter of Chemistry a day, a quiz every day, plus 4-6 hrs. of homework a night...and my first exam is Wed. this week. My next exam is next week. What am I doing? It's good for humility to feel so incredibly stupid all the time. The people from my class are great...we've really bonded under the pressure...but they're still not my family yet...perhaps they will be by the end of the year.
So i was in mass last week...crying..praying for the strength to continue in this...doubting my abilities...and then I hear this passage in my heart "I am the LORD, the GOD of ALL creation. Is there anything too difficult for me?" (I don't remember where it's from off the top of my head but it's one of the ones my mom gave me when i went to Honduras). So I realized...God created chemistry...if anyone can teach it to me HE can. So I continue to plod along...struggling but growing daily in discipline and humility. I miss daily mass but there just isn't enough time in the day. I'm in the chemistry building from 7am to about 11pm. But I'm still praying...still trying to live my life how God has asked...and He is faithful. let me repeat...HE IS FAITHFUL!!!!
I still keep pictures of Honduras, people I respect and the reasons I want to be a physician in my books...dr. Carlos and Daysi have kept me going for many days now. I am constantly trying to keep in mind and in focus who i am and why I'm doing this.
Went to virginia beach again this past weekend...saw Graffiti gray with Jamie, Dani, Dan, Josh, and Gretchen. It was wonderful... The Sargents here in C.Ville have been INCREDIBLE...and God continues to open up doors and provide for me here. I know I'm in His will and HE IS FAITHFUL!!! So even in the craziness...I continue on. Please pray for me...as I do for all of you!!

Bueno...un resumen de nuevo. Yo empeze clases este martes pasado...incredible para creer fue hace menos una semana...siento como fue hace meses. Yo he tenido mis momentos...en serio dudando mi abilidad de hacer esto. Cubriendo una capitulo de quimica diaria, una prueba diaria, 4-6 horas de tarea cada noche, y mi primer examen Miercoles de este semana. La proxima en una semana...que estoy haciendo??? Viviendo quimica...y volviendo un poco loca. Es bueno para la humildad de sentir tan tonta (si saulito...abrelo tonta) todo el tiempo...GRACIAS A DIOS!! Pero la gente de mi programa son buenos...sentimos como hemos conocido los demas siempre...es extrano pero un donne de Dios. No son como mis amigos de Honduras...pero son mi salva vida ahorita.
Bueno...estaba en la misa la semana pasado. Llorando...dudando mi abilidad...y claro...rezando. Y escuche en mi corazon este escritura "Yo SOY el Senor. El Dios de TODO creacion. Hay algo que es demasiado dificle para mi?" (no se de donde es en este momento...tal vez de testamento viejo..pero no importa) Y en este momento yo recorde...Dios es el creador de Todo. El me ha puesto aqui...y si alguien puede ensanarme quimica es el persona que lo hizo. Entonces...sigo trabajando...intentando...luchando. Extrano misa diaria pero no hay tiempo. Vivo en la edificio de quimica desde 7am hasta 11pm. Pero estoy rezando...tal vez mas que antes. El es Fiel! puedo repitir DIOS ES FIEL!!! Se estoy donde El quiere...y el va a proveer para me. Estoy guardando fotos de los queridos y los para quien tengo respeto, mis inspiraciones para ser doctora. Tengo fotos en mis libros. Dr. Carlos y Daysi, y otros de las brigadas me han ayudado mucho en estos dias pasado. Estoy intentando siempre de recordar quien soy y porque estoy haciendo esto. Gracias a ellos por sus inspiraciones!!!
Fue a virginia Beach de nuevo este fin de semana...para ver un concierto con Jaime, Dani, Dan, Josh, y Gretchen. Fue bueno. La comunidad alla y aqui es un donne de Dios...estoy tan agradecida a El para darmelos. El esta proveendo para me una comunidad que puede levantarme cuando me caye. lo siento mi espanol es peor...pero estoy intentando de seguir usandolo. voy a empezar en el hospital pronto y ojala voy a tener un oportunidad de usarlo alla.
Entonces..."aun en la tormenta...aun en mi soledad...te alabo...te alabo en verdad.
Aun lejos de los mios...aun ....te alabo...te alabo en verdad!!!"

Les extrano MUCHISIMO todavia...estaba rezando para el pan de vida...ruegan para mi...como estoy rezando para uds. con todo mi ser!! Les quiero mas que puedo decir...

Mi cumple!!!

2007-06-10T15:58:00.000-04:00

bueno...GRACIAS A TODOS POR SUS MENSAJES POR MI CUMPLEANOS!! Fue bueno...pase el dia con marylee y meghan...almuerzo un pastel (y meghan puso pastel en mi cara) y cena en la noche con mi hermana...

Estoy en mi apartamento y todo esta cheque...me gusta y parece como un centro de Honduras...todos mis fotos son el la pared. Quiero guardarles en mi mente y corazon. Disculpame por no escribirles mucho...no tengo un compu ni internet todavia entonces es dificile de escribirles. Pero ojala pronto! mi cena de cumpleanos con mi gallo de cumpleanos Javier!

Tenia mi orientacion ayer y anteayer. La gente son buena gente. Pero va a ser un ano durisimo! Los del ano pasado nos dijeron que fue el ano mas duro de todo sus vidas. Tengo un poco de miedo pero estoy donde Dios me ha puesto. Entonces CONFIAR EN TI!!

EStaba rezando para uds. y el pan de vida...voy a escribir mas cuando puedo. Voy a empezar mis clases martes y mi primer examen en una semana. Por favor rezan para mi!!!

THANKS FOR MY BIRTHDAY WISHES! My birthday was good...lunch with friends and cake, and dinner with my sister. Long story short...I'm in my apartment now...adjusting to c.ville. I'll start classes Tuesday and my first test is in a week...I'm extremely nervous about my ability to do this but it's where God has called me so I must trust that He will give me the grace to do it. Please pray. AS for communication. I still don't have a comptuer or internet so please have patience with my communication. I LOVE YOU ALL!!

2007-05-29T14:13:00.001-04:00

hangin out at the plex...look at all these great people...they're weird but cool...Priase God for new friends!

Pentecost and the Gifts of God

2007-05-29T13:40:00.000-04:00

HAPPY PENTECOST!!!
On pentecost with the holy spirit filling their hearts the disciples left the upper room...and began to preach to all the nations. Full of God's grace and the holy spirit I now do the same. I leave my fears behind and begin to do His holy and gracious will. I can no longer fear why I'm here or if I will succeed. I now only trust that I am in God's will and all that I do will be blessed by HIm. In my first few weeks in Virginia He has made His blessings to me so apparent.
A quick recap. Moved to Virginia last friday. (over a week ago). Spent a week full of getting
the essentials...a car, bank account, and cell phone. Crazy things but unfortunately necessary. Went to my sisters graduation and was inspired looking at the medical students graduating...that will be me in a few years (God willing). I have definitely struggled in the last few weeks...there is such a desperation in the united states. I am constantly astonished while walking down the street to see the emptiness of the souls around me...desperately searching for something and looking in all the wrong places. But perhaps that is my mission here to be a light of truth and hope in what can be a hopeless world. All I know is that Imiss Honduras...but I am in God's will and HE is my strength and all I need.
I have already been in touch with some great people in C.Ville and am looking forward to seeing how Missioners can grow there in abundance. There is a thirst for the truth and God willing I can be a part of that. A part of the "I thirst..." movement to as my brother has said...to enter into the wounds...not just the woundedness of others but also the holes in my own heart and soul. To let God continue to challenge me and strengthen me in this new phase of my life. Sorry...getting a little abstract.
I have left Charlottesville for a few days and now am in Virginia Beach. God is so faithful and great to me. What a privledge and honor to be surrounded by such holy people and to be challenged here. As much as I miss Honduras and as hard as this is...I trust in God. He is already providing the support and friendship and fellowship that I need to survive. He is so faithful!! Praise HIM!!!
Not too much more to report...struggling but surviving by the Grace of God! Please continue to pray for and with me.

FeLIZ PENTECOSTES~~
Los discipulos salieron del sala arriba con la gracia y inspiracion del espiritu santo para predicar el evangelio. Ya con la gracia de Dios yo voy a hacer la misma cosa. Ya lleno del espiritu santo yo voy a dejar mis miedos para hacer la santa voluntad de Dios. NO mas puedo tener miedo de porque estoy aqui o que voy a fracasar...se que estoy en el voluntad de Dios y tengo que seguir en fe con lo que El esta preguntandome. En mis primeros semanas en Virginia El me ha monstrado sus bendiciones.
Bueno...un resumen. Yo llegue en Virginia hace mas que una semana...mis primeros dias eran llenos de cosas practicas. Comprando un carro, encontrando una cuenta de cheque, un cellular, apartamento...muchos cosas..pero necesicarios. Fue al graduacion de mi hermana y fue inspirado de ver los alumos de universidad de medicina...va a ser yo en algunos anos!!
Es bien cierto...yo he luchado MUcHO en los semanas pasado en EEUU. Hay un desperacion aqui que es tan claro. Un vacilidad de corazon y de alma que duele de ver. Personas tan solos y perdidos buscando la felicidad en cosas y personas y llegando vacio. Es posible de ver la oscuridad aqui...algunos veces me da miedo de ver que tanto control tiene el diablo aqui...pero me da un proposito. Tal vez parte de mi trabajo aqui es de ser una luz de verdad y esperanza en este mundo. Yo rezo que puedo tener la fuerza para hacerlo. Solo se que extrano a Honduras y todos uds. MUCHISIMO....pero se tambien que estoy donde Dios quiere y EL va a estrecharme en maneras nuevos este ano. El es mi fuerza...y El es suficiente para mi...
Ya es tiempo de entrar en los heridas de cristo...de permitirle de monstrarme mis heridas y ayudarme de estar presente por los demas.
Mas que todo Dios me ha monstrado que no estoy sola...El me ha dado comunidades en Cville, Richmond y Virginia Beach. Estoy en Virginia Beach ahorita...y gracias a Dios por los personas que me ha dado...Una comunidad para apollarme. NO es lo mismo...y es un transition bien duro todavia...les extrano...pero aqui estoy...con la fuerza de Dios y la inspiracion del Espiritu Santo. Aqui Dios esta fortalezandome por la viaje que viene. Voy a empezar clases 12 de Junio...por favor rezan para mi.. Va a ser un ano bien duro para mi de estudios...tengo la tentacion de miedo...pero me paro y rezo y confio en Dios.
Alabenlo!!! Dios es Fiel! Estoy rezando por cada uno de uds. Les extrano y les quiero!! Es una lucha pero Dios esta con migo...y nunca va a dejarme! Hay momentos de lagrimas por la transicion pero hay momentos de vez en cuando de gozo. Les quiero!

2007-05-17T13:18:00.000-04:00

today we leave for virginia...had a great talk with my spiritual director yesterday and a few wonderful times with Alyson. Will see Brittany tonight...really I am at peace. God is pouring His grace out on me in abundance. Please continue to pray that I will be challenged and be able to live IN the world without being OF the world.

Hoy salimos para Virginia...tuve un reunion buenisima con mi directora espiritual...y algunas noches excelentes con alyson. Voy a ver Brittany y su mama esta noche...y realmente estoy en paz. Dios esta dandome su Gracia en abundancia. Porfavor, ruegan que puedo vivir EN el mundo sino de SER del mundo. Estoy emocionada de empezar mi programa...con miedo pero tambien con paz en mi corazon. DIOS ES FIEL!! y estoy donde El quiere. Les quiero y extrano mucho! Esto es uno paso mas cerca de regresar a Honduras.

fears / miedos

2007-05-14T11:57:00.000-04:00

well I've been here for less than a week now...and haven't really ventured outside my comfort zone yet. This is easier than I thought it would be...I don't know if that's because I was here earlier this year or if God is giving me lots of grace...or if I'm reverting back to the materialistic person that I was before. I pray it's any one of the options except the third. I thought I would struggle more than this...I thought it would be harder...but maybe...I don't know. It's hard at moments...there are times I miss my community so much it hurts...but in part I think it still feels like a vacation and that I'm going to go back. I think the hard part is going to come when I start school again.
Yesterday we went to Beau Rivage for mothers day brunch (it's what my mom wanted to do) that was DEFINITELY overwhelming...and sad. All these people staring at machines trying to win more money...women in no clothing...ugh...definitely out of my element. I prayed a rosary in line and made it through. But such another example of extravagance and hopelessness in America. It was one of the saddest things I've seen in a long time...right up there with Houston International Airport.
But as always...God's grace is here...as long as I stay in the palms of his wounded hands I will be fine.

bueno...he estado aqui por menos que una semana ya...y estoy un poco disilusionada. Yo pense que va a ser mas duro que esto...tengo miedo que no es tan duro porque estoy convertiendo a ser la mujer que era antes...y no quiero esto. Ojala no es tan duro porque no estoy saliendo de mi casa mucho estos dias...quiero luchar...quiero ser extrema...quiero ser una luz para Jesus. Tengo miedo de tantos cosas pero estoy dandoles a Dios...visitandolo en la santisima diaria...Ruegan por mi que Dios puede seguir dandome luchas y cosas para que no soy commoda. no quiero ser commoda...No se...no se nada ahora...menos que extrano a Honduras mucho. Pero Dios me ha llamado aqui. La gracia de Dios esta aqui...y si quedo en las llagas de Jesus todo saldra bien...

todo saldra bien...
todo saldra bien...
en la paz del senor, saldra bien....saldra bien...

Les extrano MUCHISIMO!!! Son mi corazon todavia....

photos de mi despedida....going away party pictures...

2007-05-11T14:12:00.000-04:00

Me and my parents when they surprised me in Honduras!

Yo y mis padres cuando ellos me sorpriendieron alla en Honduras.

my wonderful community praying for me

mi comunidad incredible rezando por mi

2007-05-11T13:56:00.000-04:00

just to explain the title of the blog Jenny en este lugar...there's song in spanish that's called "llene este lugar" but when sung sounds like Jenny este lugar, and the song talks about asking God to fill this place. So I ask God to fill my heart and whatever place I'm at! Dios lleneme y este lugar!!

okay...voy a ententar a hacer esto en los dos idiomas. Llegamos aqui a las 10 en la noche despues de un despedida triste en el aerpuerto (gracias a Raul, Marissa, y Jimena por llegar) y un poco del Gozo del Senor entrando en seguridad. Tuvimos que esperar en el vuelo por 3 horas en Teguc porque habia un problema con el avion. jajajaja...es mi suerte con viajes.

Un resumen...estoy luchando. Era un shock de llegar en Houston. Todo la gente corriendo en todos partes, placticando en sus cellulares, enojados y en sus propios mundos. No se como voy a vivir en este mundo..y tengo miedo que voy a vivir tranquilo en este mundo. Quiero ser incomoda....debo ser incomoda.

Pero Dios esta dandome las personas que necesicito. Fui a misa Miercoles en la manana...y que paz...Jesus es lo mismo en todos partes del mundo!!! una cosa no cambio!!! Y durante la segnal de la paz yo mire detras..y alli estuvo mi directora espiritual!!! ALABENLO!!! Dios es fiel!!

Yo pase anoche con Alyson y estoy TAN agradecida a Dios por ponerla en mi vida.

Estoy luchando...pero estoy donde Dios quiere...lagrimas y todo, tengo que cumplir la voluntad de Dios. El tiene planes mejores que los mios. Les extrano mucho pero yo se que Dios va a estrecharme en estes anos!!

ten compasion con migo no tengo letras en espanol y no tengo que escribir en espanol mucho!!!

les extrano y les quiero!!

Aqui Estoy

2007-05-11T13:22:00.000-04:00

I've decided to start a blog to keep everyone updated on the craziness that is my life these days. So I'll start with my return to the states.
I arrived in Baton Rouge at 10pm Tuesday night after a sad goodbye with Carol, Roger, Raul, Marissa, and Jimena (but complete with El Gozo del Senor in the airport) and a three hour delay at the gate in Teguc because the engine wasn't working right. I don't think I'll ever get used to being in airports again. Landing in Houston made me cry. Everyone running around on computers and cell phones. Everyone in a rush and looking so unhappy. Is this what we've really become as a culture? I can't lie...I don't want to be a part of it.
I honestly am doing okay...not great but okay. My first instinct was to get back on the next flight to Teguc but I know I'm where God is asking me to be. This move to virginia will make me stretch in ways I haven't stretched before. I know God is going before me and that I will continue to grow in discipline and holiness becasue of this transition. But at the same time I'm scared...so I keep repeating to myself..."Jesus, I trust in you and what you are doing in my life..." He's in control my job is to say "Yes Lord".
God is good and has been providing me with the support I need. Wednesday morning at mass I was praying for help and turned around and there was my spiritual director!! Praise the Lord for those random gifts of grace. I'm so grateful for the presence of Alyson and Britt here I know I'd be volviendo loca without them.
I'm only in Baton Rouge for a week before heading out to Virginia where the real test begins to live in the world and not be OF the world. Pray for me that I can continue to be uncomfortable and grow in this environment. God is in control!!!