Well it's hard to believe that it's been so many months since I've written...life has continued to pass me by in a blur of work and business. God has been SO good as to get me into 6 medical schools. I have decided to start next year at The Ohio State University (Go BUCKEYES!!). My father (as an alum of the medical school) is THRILLED beyond belief!! I too am extremely excited. As much as doubt does creep in, God has made it SO abundantly clear that this is His will for me.
That being said, now that a decision has been made...the devil starts in. I have been second guessing my decision constantly. I have finally made friends here in Louisiana, my parents are here, my Goddaughter is here...it just seems SO hard to leave. Yet I know I must. Along with doubt has come a flurry of other fears. What about going to daily mass there? what if I can't? How will I survive without receiving Jesus every day? How will I ever find a church I like as much as the one I had last year in Virginia?
Then Jesus reminds me that He has provided for me thus far...I need to continue to trust in HIM!! and HIM ALONE!
All of this is compounded by another great sadness in my heart. I'm turning 26 this June, and I have 9 weddings this year. All of my friends have serious boyfriends or are getting married. There is still this twinge of sadness as I realize the changes that are occurring and that in many ways I am being left behind as they move on to lives that I cannot identify with. I (as a perpetually single person) cannot commiserate over relationship issues, or discuss diapering methods or pregnancy. I can help with wedding plans but there is still some great cavernous space between single life and non-single life. The worst part is that I am on one side..and my friends are on the other. I know this is just part of life and I accept it...that does not make it less hard. I KNOW I am not ready for marriage right now, and that great things will happen in medical school BUT that being said it's hard to be moving in such different directions with the people that used to be so close. I seem to be in a perpetual transition!
Don't' get me wrong...they are still my friends...it's just all different now. And truth be told...I'm about to leave them behind as well. I'm about to travel into the world of medicine...and that cavern between me and my friends just got bigger. I don't want to lose my friends...and as always I don't want to be perpetually alone. But I know I MUST follow Jesus wherever He leads me. and right now He is leading me to Ohio and if He wills it He will lead me to a career in Medicine and I must entrust all of my relationships to Him because He will never leave me behind.
Sorry if none of this made sense...I tend to ramble.
