MARY

“She is the one whom every man loves when he loves a woman - whether he knows it or not. She is what every woman wants to be when she looks at herself. She is the woman who every man marries in ideal when he takes a spouse; she is hidden as an ideal in the discontent of every woman with the carnal aggressiveness of man; she is the secret desire every woman has to be honored and fostered; she is the way every woman wants to command respect and love because of the beauty of her goodness of body and soul. And this blueprint love, whom God loved before the world was made, this Dream woman before women were, is the one whom every heart can say in its depth of depths: ‘She is the woman I love!’”
~Archbishop Fulton Sheen

I'm Ashamed

I just received an email from a friend of mine talking about the Haiti earthquake. I like most people have been following the news online. I've cried and prayed and cried some more. I know without a doubt that our dear Father's heart is breaking with those of His children. That He mourns with them and that His Blessed Mother stands beside all those who weep giving them courage and comfort. I take some comfort in that. Yet I am ashamed. Why you ask?
The email that my friend sent me was talking about this girl, Molly Hightower. She was 22years old and from Portland. She was volunteering in Haiti and was found dead on Jan 15th in the wreckage of the orphanage where she was working. I am ashamed because as I read her blog and read about her life I realize that I am nothing but selfishness and mediocrity. Those who knew her talk about her passion and love for the poor and those with special needs. I realize how inadequate and incompetent I am at loving. I am selfish and caught up in my own life. I am judgemental, even when it comes to other Catholics. I realized today that I've been judging other Catholics in my class b/c I didn't think they were as devout as me...that's Pride if I've ever heard of it. And quite misplaced too I might add, these women are probably closer to God than I am because of their authentic desire to serve Him.
So I am ashamed because reading about Molly reminds me of all that I want to be. I want to be joyful and loving and full of life. I want to give myself completely to others and love them with reckless abandon. What makes me sad is that I think I used to be better at it. When I lived in Honduras I think I was better. I miss who I was there. I don't want to romanticize it, I know I had issues loving there as well (I remember always comparing myself to Brittany who loves so freely and so well) but I do think I was better. I was more authentically who God intended me to be. I am just so tired of mediocrity. I'm so tired of not living a life of extremes and of passion. I know that this is where God has called me but now I have to figure out how to be who He wants me to be here in this place. I have become so caught up with myself.
Lord have mercy on me. Give me Your grace to love with reckless abandon and to see You in every person I meet. Lord, help me to be a witness to everyone I come in contact with, that You are the center of my life. Empty me so completely of myself that nothing remains of me.
Let us pray for all those in Haiti, so many people who dedicated their lives to serving others were lost in this disaster, including a Brazilian doctor who had dedicated her life to improving health care for children, the Archbishop of Haiti, countless priests and seminarians...and of course Molly Hightower. May they rest in peace, and intercede for those of us left here on earth.

To read Molly's blog go to http://mollyinhaiti.blogspot.com

Epiphany

It only seems appropriate that today was the Epiphany. Not because the epiphany is on January 6th every year (yes I know it is) but because today we talked about abortion. Today as my class discussed "pregnancy termination" I reveled and rejoiced in the birth of a savior; in the recognition by 3 wise men that the messiah had been born and was found wrapped in a manger- and I needed that today.

Today in class we had an "ethics" session. Right off the bat in my class of 100 people the professor took an anonymous poll "Abortion is wrong regardless of the circumstances. Agree or Disagree". I was one of 8% that disagreed. Part of me wants to know am I the only one...if there were 100 of us in the class there are at least 7 other people who are with me...who are they and how can we find each other?

So why is it so appropriate that today was epiphany? Because today we celebrate Christ coming to ALL of us. coming to every single person and all of humanity...including those that reject Him and mock Him. I sat there in class with my rosary in my hand praying...Hail Mary's crossing my lips. Watching as the percentage agreeing with abortions in different scenarios changed. It's okay to abort a child because of risk to the mothers' life but not because of mental retardation, etc. Of course there is no "right" answer according to the teacher. But in my heart, as always, there is a right answer. That answer is life is sacred from conception to natural death. That answer means my life is going to be very difficult for the next 20 years.

My professor laid out the responsibilities of a physician regarding "termination of pregnancy":
- Entitled to hold strong personal views either for or against
- Patients are entitled to have all available information about legal treatment and management options
- Practitioners are required to provide the information (informed consent)
- Practitioners should neither block access nor attempt to coerce patients into a choice of more personal preference for the practitioner
- Practitioners are NOT required to participate in the actual pregnancy termination

this doesn't sound as scary as it feels. I don't want to give a woman a referral for having an abortion and I don't want to feel like a bad person if I choose not to...or a bad doctor. I know that I will be criticized for my views because they are so radically different, but they're the truth and any woman who has carried a child in her womb will tell you that. I also know that Christ was ridiculed. He was crowned with thorns, mocked, beaten, and betrayed. What are my sufferings as compared to His?

Christ has brought me here and He will sustain me. I need only to rely on Him and the Holy Spirit to guide me in my interactions and decisions regarding my medical career. That was my epiphany today...that this world is sad and lost and confused. That this world and all those in it desperately need Christ. That we need to approach the manger with the wise men and look in awe and wonder at the beautiful gift of God to all of mankind...a BABY!! It's appropriate that today is epiphany because as I talk about "pregnancy termination" I celebrate in the profundity of my heart, the birth of a baby...the Christ child! Let us continue to pray that our world will return to a culture of life that embraces all life regardless of the hardships or difficulties that it brings!