drowning

I've been having bad dreams lately....I don't know if it's the stress or what. But dreams where I explode with anger. Last night I dreamt that I was at dinner with my best friend and my parents and I just exploded screaming all the things I've thought but haven't said...I was slamming a chair into the ground (like I did with my physics book one day when I was uber frustrated) and I was crying..."can't you see I'm drowning...I can't do this". I know what freud would say...
It's weird...i alternate with good and bad days. Today was a bad day. A day when i realized just how alone I am here. I don't have family here. My family in Honduras has forgotten I exist, my family (blood- other than my parents) think I'm a radical nut, my virginia beach family is far away and still getting to know me, and the people here in charlottesville are amazing, but they're not my sisters who know my soul so well. I just feel so alone today. Being Catholic is hard...it means I have to quit volunteering at this hispanic clinic becasue they're in partnership with planned parenthood...it means when we go out I'm not wasted hooking up with someone because it's not what I do and it's not what God is asking of me (okay...that one's not very hard to give up)....it means that in almost every discussion about medicine or ethics I'M ALONE!!
Today was a bad day...maybe tomorrow will be better...