the woman at the well

today's gospel...the woman at the well. A few thoughts on this. The first is that I'm always comforted by how clueless the disciples were. They got back from buying food and offer Jesus some and He tells them he doesn't need any...that He has been fed. and they all wonder if he brought something with him. That's totally something I would do. They are totally clueless for the longest time as to what he's talking about. That he's not talking about rice and beans food. It's kind of like during the transfiguration when Peter says "it's a good thing we're here...we'll set up the tents, one for you, one for elijah, and one for moses" and we read it and think... "yup, I'd be saying that too." I felt like this was another one of those moments and for some reason, that really comforted me today. Maybe because I'm so clueless myself right now...I can practically feel Jesus chastising me some days for my lack of understanding and belief. Aside from that...and more importantly than that what struck me most about today was the homily and the message preached by my pastor (and spiritual director).

The homily today (as well as the magnificat reading) was all about her thirst...what struck me most powerfully was the question fr. Brian posed to the congregation....his whole homily was about her response to the Lord. He spoke of her quest for love and affection, and he asked us "What if she had ignored his request for water? what if she had simply turned around and run home? Where would she be now? More importantly for us...Where would we be now had we not responded to his request to satiate our thirst?"


And I began to cry...thinking



"Where would I be now, WHO would I be now if it wasn't for the Lord? If a little more than 3 years ago I hadn't met Him at the well in Honduras? If I hadn't listened to Him call my name...and if I hadn't responded? "


and I know so clearly (and it has been on my heart so much) that I would be a completely different person.

The samaritan woman had been searching for fulfillment, searching for someone to fill her, that's why she had 5 husbands and was with another man. They continued to move in and out of her life, hurting her and wounding her, but she kept seaching one after the other. Wanting something that was real and that would fill her....and then she met Jesus. "He has told me everything I've done!" She wasn't ashamed...she was in awe...she was joyful. She was filled...and LOVED!!! I am so much like that samaritan woman (except for the 5 husbands)...I too was searching for so long for someone to love me (and to an extent I still am admittedly)...I was searching in the world for something to fill me. And as many of you know I was searching in all the wrong places.

I know, that were it not for the Lord, were it not for Honduras and the amazing conversion that HE moved in me there...I would be a very different person today. I would still be searching, hooking up with random men in bars, drinking, doing everything possible to "have fun" and like before, I would still be crying at the end of the night...alone and ashamed of who I was and what I had done. I am SO grateful that I am not there...that I am not that person. Although I still stumble and fall daily...I am in His grace now and confident in HIs mercy and His love. PRAISE GOD FOR HIS MERCY!!!

Although things are extremely hard right now (and I do beg your prayers for some difficult decisions i have coming up - I'm considering changing my MCAT date and so much more) I know that I am so much happier now than I ever was before. I am filled by HIM...when I am sad or alone I have HIM and HIS blessed mother to run to!! I will never be thirsty again as long as I turn to HIM!! I am so grateful that I was at the well that day...that He spoke to me, and called me to Him. I shudder to think about the darkness that I would be living in right now...and I am compelled even more to pray for all those who have not yet been to the welll...or who are too frightened or ashamed to speak to the one who is waiting there.

During this lenten season let us continue to visit the well daily...let Him tell us all that we have done...and let Him love us and give us water that will forever satiate our thirst...the water of mercy and love flowing from His sacred heart!!


PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST...NOW AND FOREVER!!!



lo siento...no tengo tiempo de traducir ahortia...son las 12:30 en la mananita ahorita y tengo que dormir...una dia bien larga manana. Cuando tengo tiempo voy a traducilo! Gracias y que Dios les bendiga!!

Lent

And so it begins...the holy and dirty time of lent. Holy because hopefully during this season we will draw closer to the Lord. Dirty because it is in realizing what grave sinners and facing our humanity that we are able to draw closer to the Lord. I am realizing my humanity in my doubts and sorrows, and lack of trust in the Lord.

I started Lent with great plans, and continue to try and fulfill my lenten promises...but have realized more and more...my greatest gift to offer is my suffering. It is not suffering as many people know it, not physical suffering like cancer or paralysis. But a spiritual and emotional suffering that some days feels so great. It is the suffering of lonliness, of uncertainty, of drowning. Again, I realize why it is that so many doctors wind up workaholics. There will be no simple life for me...it's impossible. The things that I desire are not in His plan for me right now...so I suffer in expectant anticipation...and trust...and offer it up.

I struggle to trust in Him, to trust His will and plan for my life...but I know I must. If there is one thing I am learning from the blessed mother it is that...complete abandon and trust in the Lord. He knows what He is doing and I must continue even when the waves and the wind are so high that I feel like I am going to drown. So my scripture lately has been from matthew.

"But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and beginning to sink he cried out 'LORD, SAVE ME!' Immediately, Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him and said to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" - Matthew 13:30-31

I am Peter (arent' we all). I do fine until I start looking at the mounds of Kaplan material, the physics, all the things I have to do, and I realize that there just aren't enough hours in the day; and I get frightened by how strong the wind is...and I cry out to be saved...and like Peter, the Lord chastizes me..."oh you of little faith...why did you doubt?" In this time of preparation I challenge myself to not doubt but to trust. I ask the Lord for the grace of trust, and accepting Mercy and Love wherever He chooses to give it.

So this lent, I will offer up all those moments of feeling along...all the moments when I realize that it will be years until I have a real life again...years until I have time for friends or a family. I offer it up...and rejoice at the same time. Because I'm alone I am able to do the will of God more fully...I'm able to be the student and God willing the doctor that He wants me to be. I am able to go to daily mass or adoration at 3am because I don't have a family to worry about. There are blessings in all things....So my goal for lent is to offer up the burdens ("take up my cross daily") and to rejoice in the blessings (however muddled and abstract they may be.