I used to be wise...

so the other night I was avoiding studying (much like I"m doing now) and I started reading some emails that I have saved from my communications with my friends. I realized that I used to be much wiser...much more centered on God. There I was receiving encouragement and inspiration from myself...from the words I sent to my dear friend. I pray you will be encouraged by them as well...and I pray that someday I may become fully God's someday.

my dear friend...it is hard to keep going in a world that is constantly telling us we're not good enough but there is one thing that gives us hope and strength...God and the truth of His love. You are perfect in HIS eyes...and it is HIS love and HIS promises. It is this truth and this consolation which makes even the darkest day bright. Your Joy in all circumstances can come from the truth that He will never leave you...that HE has great plans for your life...and that HE loves you unconditionally. He is waiting for you my friend...waiting in the tabernacle at your nearest catholic church. Waiting for you to come and let Him love you. I encourage you, especially in this time of uncertainty, to let yourself rest in the arms and the bosom of Christ. In HIm all things are made new...He loves you so much Nick and I truly pray that this can be your constant hope and inspiration. I am praying for you my friend and my brother. Take care and know that God loves you! He has plans for your life...read Jeremiah 11:39.

Jenny

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I know God is there. I'm just so deprogrammed in seeing Him. In your mission have you been able to capture that love? What are the things you look at in life that help affirm that he is there? I see HIM on occasion, but I would love to get past the negativity and always know what to look for. You know what I mean?

I do appreciate your words. I guess the things that give me hope are those who have life experience. and that can bring humanity to God's Grace. At least be able to tell me what it means to them. Please share that with me. I need an other's own struggle to overcome to be positive. It's so easy to say that everything will be okay, but it's another to have seen and be fulfilling what God has sent them to do.

God Bless,

Nick

P.S I guess I just want to hear in your own words that you think of God and the challenges you are faced.

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my dear friend...I have seen Him everywhere...even in my emptiness..even when I didn't realize I was seeing him (hindsight is 20/20). God has shown me how deeply faulted I am. My selfishness, and inability to love He has made crystal clear to me. This could be damaging except I see how this is making me a better person, a better servant. I see Him in the poor. IN their unwavering belief...we go to save them but it is them who teach us what it means to give, what it means to love. It is easy to get caught up in all that I am incompetent at doing (and believe me at times I do...I compare myself to others in the community and hate myself) but then I go before Jesus in the blessed sacrament and he reminds me how much he loves me. I am surrounded by people who are constantly reaching to become the men and women of God that He wants...not only that but I see Him and His love in my kids. in their hope...look for Him in the poor...but most importantly Nick look for Him in the blessed sacrament. There is Grace that comes from that and with each visit to confession, communion, and adoration His GRACE AND LOVE BECOME MORE APPARENT! I am not to the level of a saint where I can find good in everything but I am finally getting to where I am trusting HIm and HIS plan for my life. WE have these delusions that we can fix things, or that our strength is enough to do everything...it's NOT!! only HE is strong enough and once you give up your own will and your own strength it's easy to realize that He is in control.

God's grace is the ability to keep breathing after losing a child. It is the ability to look forward with the knowledge that one day you will be reunited. I have seen it most clearly in the hope...the people I work for who have absolutely nothing but their faith in God and a smile on their face. It is seen in forgiveness...the father who forgives his son's killer...the mother who keeps believing long after her child has been buried...and it is seen in the new life. The first time you smile...realizing that life will never been the same but that it's not supposed to. To see new life and new hope (different hopes yes...but hope nonetheless). As long as there is new life there is always hope...and as long as there is hope there is light...and the darkness can never put out that light.
It can be hard to believe in Love and hope and grace when you are always faced with more pain, more people that I can't help...but he's finally helping me understand that my strength, my resources are not enough but HE IS. That's all I can tell you...run to him in the blessed sacrament....believe even when you don't feel...and know that HE is always there waiting for you (but you don't have all the time in the world to show up). Christ in the blessed sacrament, the mass, and confession are my strength...they are what give me the grace to see the beauty everywhere.
I know these thoughts are scattered but they're the truth from my heart. I used to want to be like Mother Teresa...then I realized I need to be me. If Mother Teresa had been just like St. Teresa of Liseux then there wouldn't have been a mother Teresa. Now the question is praying and figuring out who God is calling YOU, Nick, to be...I am praying for you as always my brother! God bless !

Jenny