John Paul giving me kisses!! 
My God-daughter Gianna!! Monday, May 25, 2009
Delight in the Lord
So I have been struggling a lot lately ( big surprise). 2 more of my friends are getting married this year, and almost all of my friends are in serious relationships. I know I've talked about this before. This (as joyful as it is for me) is still a struggle...I rejoice in their vocations and weep at the changes that all this will bring for my friendships.
Compound this with work and I have found myself becoming more "of the world". Found myself being more lax in my standards, and more materialistic. When I'm honest with myself...it's easier to be "just like everyone else"...to desire intimacy and love and when I'm not careful I still find myself looking for it in the wrong places. By the grace of God I'm too much HIS to seek love the way I used to...but still not enough HIS to not have that yearning.
SO...this is where prayer comes in. I was reading my Bible the other night and I came across this passage from Psalm 37
"Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this."
-Psalm 37: 1-5
God really spoke to my heart with this...especially the part about DELIGHT YOURSELF IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!!
The more I read on this and feasted on it's beauty the more I realized that God is my delight. He is all that will fill me and like ST. Theresa said "God alone is enough". The more I delight in HIM and HIS will the more MY heart will be transformed to match with His will. It's not about God giving me whatever I want but more about how when I spend time with Him and delight in His will MY heart is transformed...and changed. God will gladly give me the desires of my heart when my hearts desires match HIS desires.
Really this is a win/win situation. The more I love God the more I am conformed to His will and the more joy I get out of every moment. So as I prayed on this, God reassured me...that if I continue to fix my eyes on HIM and continue to trust in Him and delight myself in HIS love then he will satisfy the desires of my heart for love and intimacy. I need to be patient and trusting and loving. I need to stop looking at the world in it's ease and stop being envious of all those co workers with boyfriends...and just enjoy the love of my God and savior and TRUST IN HIM!!
So today...(and every day) I vow to delight myself in the Lord...to trust in His will and conform myself to His plans because I know that is where real joy comes from.
I pray you my friends may also Delight yourselves in the Lord.
Compound this with work and I have found myself becoming more "of the world". Found myself being more lax in my standards, and more materialistic. When I'm honest with myself...it's easier to be "just like everyone else"...to desire intimacy and love and when I'm not careful I still find myself looking for it in the wrong places. By the grace of God I'm too much HIS to seek love the way I used to...but still not enough HIS to not have that yearning.
SO...this is where prayer comes in. I was reading my Bible the other night and I came across this passage from Psalm 37
"Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this."
-Psalm 37: 1-5
God really spoke to my heart with this...especially the part about DELIGHT YOURSELF IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!!
The more I read on this and feasted on it's beauty the more I realized that God is my delight. He is all that will fill me and like ST. Theresa said "God alone is enough". The more I delight in HIM and HIS will the more MY heart will be transformed to match with His will. It's not about God giving me whatever I want but more about how when I spend time with Him and delight in His will MY heart is transformed...and changed. God will gladly give me the desires of my heart when my hearts desires match HIS desires.
Really this is a win/win situation. The more I love God the more I am conformed to His will and the more joy I get out of every moment. So as I prayed on this, God reassured me...that if I continue to fix my eyes on HIM and continue to trust in Him and delight myself in HIS love then he will satisfy the desires of my heart for love and intimacy. I need to be patient and trusting and loving. I need to stop looking at the world in it's ease and stop being envious of all those co workers with boyfriends...and just enjoy the love of my God and savior and TRUST IN HIM!!
So today...(and every day) I vow to delight myself in the Lord...to trust in His will and conform myself to His plans because I know that is where real joy comes from.
I pray you my friends may also Delight yourselves in the Lord.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Long Time Coming
Well it's hard to believe that it's been so many months since I've written...life has continued to pass me by in a blur of work and business. God has been SO good as to get me into 6 medical schools. I have decided to start next year at The Ohio State University (Go BUCKEYES!!). My father (as an alum of the medical school) is THRILLED beyond belief!! I too am extremely excited. As much as doubt does creep in, God has made it SO abundantly clear that this is His will for me.
That being said, now that a decision has been made...the devil starts in. I have been second guessing my decision constantly. I have finally made friends here in Louisiana, my parents are here, my Goddaughter is here...it just seems SO hard to leave. Yet I know I must. Along with doubt has come a flurry of other fears. What about going to daily mass there? what if I can't? How will I survive without receiving Jesus every day? How will I ever find a church I like as much as the one I had last year in Virginia?
Then Jesus reminds me that He has provided for me thus far...I need to continue to trust in HIM!! and HIM ALONE!
All of this is compounded by another great sadness in my heart. I'm turning 26 this June, and I have 9 weddings this year. All of my friends have serious boyfriends or are getting married. There is still this twinge of sadness as I realize the changes that are occurring and that in many ways I am being left behind as they move on to lives that I cannot identify with. I (as a perpetually single person) cannot commiserate over relationship issues, or discuss diapering methods or pregnancy. I can help with wedding plans but there is still some great cavernous space between single life and non-single life. The worst part is that I am on one side..and my friends are on the other. I know this is just part of life and I accept it...that does not make it less hard. I KNOW I am not ready for marriage right now, and that great things will happen in medical school BUT that being said it's hard to be moving in such different directions with the people that used to be so close. I seem to be in a perpetual transition!
Don't' get me wrong...they are still my friends...it's just all different now. And truth be told...I'm about to leave them behind as well. I'm about to travel into the world of medicine...and that cavern between me and my friends just got bigger. I don't want to lose my friends...and as always I don't want to be perpetually alone. But I know I MUST follow Jesus wherever He leads me. and right now He is leading me to Ohio and if He wills it He will lead me to a career in Medicine and I must entrust all of my relationships to Him because He will never leave me behind.
Sorry if none of this made sense...I tend to ramble.
That being said, now that a decision has been made...the devil starts in. I have been second guessing my decision constantly. I have finally made friends here in Louisiana, my parents are here, my Goddaughter is here...it just seems SO hard to leave. Yet I know I must. Along with doubt has come a flurry of other fears. What about going to daily mass there? what if I can't? How will I survive without receiving Jesus every day? How will I ever find a church I like as much as the one I had last year in Virginia?
Then Jesus reminds me that He has provided for me thus far...I need to continue to trust in HIM!! and HIM ALONE!
All of this is compounded by another great sadness in my heart. I'm turning 26 this June, and I have 9 weddings this year. All of my friends have serious boyfriends or are getting married. There is still this twinge of sadness as I realize the changes that are occurring and that in many ways I am being left behind as they move on to lives that I cannot identify with. I (as a perpetually single person) cannot commiserate over relationship issues, or discuss diapering methods or pregnancy. I can help with wedding plans but there is still some great cavernous space between single life and non-single life. The worst part is that I am on one side..and my friends are on the other. I know this is just part of life and I accept it...that does not make it less hard. I KNOW I am not ready for marriage right now, and that great things will happen in medical school BUT that being said it's hard to be moving in such different directions with the people that used to be so close. I seem to be in a perpetual transition!
Don't' get me wrong...they are still my friends...it's just all different now. And truth be told...I'm about to leave them behind as well. I'm about to travel into the world of medicine...and that cavern between me and my friends just got bigger. I don't want to lose my friends...and as always I don't want to be perpetually alone. But I know I MUST follow Jesus wherever He leads me. and right now He is leading me to Ohio and if He wills it He will lead me to a career in Medicine and I must entrust all of my relationships to Him because He will never leave me behind.
Sorry if none of this made sense...I tend to ramble.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Well it's hard to believe that it's Christmas already. I must confess this year more than ever I feel completely unprepared. Advent has flown by in a flurry of working and preparing for Alyson and Jesse's wedding. Monday at the hospital where I work we had Christmas mass (yes weird I know) and I had this horrible sense of fear. I kept saying in my head..."NO...YOU CAN'T CELEBRATE CHRISMAS MASS YET...I'M NOT READY!!! " This got me thinking...I'm not ready. Are any of us really ready? What do I need to do to get ready? How do I know if I'm ready??
I'm overwhelmed by this world so often. I sit here in my office listening to my coworkers and their anger and pain overwhelms me. Last night at work we lost a baby. A 2 year old girl was hit by a car and she died in our ER. I told my coworkers about it today and proceeded to tell them about Steven Curtis Chapmans family. One of my coworkers proceeded to tell me that she would die if one of her children died. I know I don't have children yet and I can't understand that kind of love...but I pray that God would give me hope and joy even in the midst of that kind of suffering. During this Christmas season I think of Mary, I think of her hardships and and that she endured to bring to life the son of God. She suffered...and she suffered greatly. Yet she never complained and never spoke against the Lord. I don't really know where I'm going with this except that recently I've been given the grace to understand and see my nothingness even more. The Lord is God...He created all things and who are we to question His will or His plan. Sometimes things suck...but like the Blessed Mother our souls should magnify the Lord. What greater witness of love is there than to Love the Lord and serve Him even in the midst of things that in the worlds eyes would crush you.
Isnt' that why Christ came? to give us HOPE!!! So I guess that's what I'm praying for this Christmas season...that all those without Hope or joy may find it in the birth of God made Man. If we believe that Jesus is God then His birth should fill us with wonder...God chose to come to us...God CARES FOR US!!! HE WILL NOT LET ANYTHING HARM US...HE WILL WITHHOLD NOTHING GOOD FROM US...NOT EVEN HIS OWN SON!! THEREFORE...LET NOTHING DISTURB YOU AND NOTHING DISTRESS YOU!!
I still don't know if I'm ready for Christmas but I pray that the Lord may have mercy on me and see the desire of my heart to love Him and know Him more closely and intimately!
So I pray for all of you this Christmas season...HOPE and JOY in abundance and in all circumstances!! That God's love may inundate your hearts and fill you with all grace and Joy!! Practice the art of being in God's presence....then when He comes may He find us ready and waiting in HOPEFUL anticipation!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The End of the World
well Obama has won...now my coworkers are talking about the end of the world. This conversation seems to come up a lot these days. There are apparently numerous prophecies that the world will end December 2012. I shouldn't be afraid but I think we are always afraid about what we cannot see. I shouldn't be attached to this world but in part I am. I like life, I want to get married and have children, but I also recognize that to live with God in eternal joy is even better. I need to keep it all in perspective I know.
so back to Obama. There is much to fear yes, but we cannot let this ruin our faith. What the devil wants more than anything is for us to turn away from God and think "what's the point in praying if it all turns out for nothing?" Well God has answered our prayers- He just said no. So last night I got off of work and I was upset and I went home and prayed and the response I got when I opened my Bible was Psalm 4.
Psalm 4
1 Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
2 How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame [a] ?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods [b] ?
3 Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD will hear when I call to him.
4 In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
5 Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the LORD.
6 Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
7 You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.
8 I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
Basically our hope and our lives lie in God. Regardless of what happens we need to cling to Him. God is in control and we need to continue to fast and pray and trust in God's providence. If the Lord asks it we shall give up our lives for the truth. So I say...PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST NOW AND FOREVER!!
AMDG
so back to Obama. There is much to fear yes, but we cannot let this ruin our faith. What the devil wants more than anything is for us to turn away from God and think "what's the point in praying if it all turns out for nothing?" Well God has answered our prayers- He just said no. So last night I got off of work and I was upset and I went home and prayed and the response I got when I opened my Bible was Psalm 4.
Psalm 4
1 Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
2 How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame [a] ?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods [b] ?
3 Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD will hear when I call to him.
4 In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
5 Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the LORD.
6 Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
7 You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.
8 I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
Basically our hope and our lives lie in God. Regardless of what happens we need to cling to Him. God is in control and we need to continue to fast and pray and trust in God's providence. If the Lord asks it we shall give up our lives for the truth. So I say...PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST NOW AND FOREVER!!
AMDG
Friday, October 17, 2008
I'M GOING TO BE A DOCTOR!!! VOY A SER DOCTORA!!
Well I have GREAT news!! God is faithful (big surprise)!!! I received my first medical school admission yesterday. This is really remarkable because Wednesday was the first day that they could send out acceptances and mine was postmarked before that. So they actually want me to go to school there!! PRAISE JESUS!!! So, as of right now I have been accepted to Louisiana State University -New Orleans!!
I really liked LSU-NO when I visited. As of now I have interviewed at LSU-NO, Tulane, and Loyola Chicago. I'm going to interview at Georgetown, New York Medical College, and Eastern Virginia Medical School. The most exciting thing is that the burden has been lifted!!! I'm GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ayer recibi mi entrada a la Universidad de medicina!!! Tengo algunas intervistas todavia pero lo mas importante es que ya se que voy a ser doctora!!! GRACIAS A DIOS!! GLORIA A DIOS!!!
y gracias por sus oraciones!!!
I really liked LSU-NO when I visited. As of now I have interviewed at LSU-NO, Tulane, and Loyola Chicago. I'm going to interview at Georgetown, New York Medical College, and Eastern Virginia Medical School. The most exciting thing is that the burden has been lifted!!! I'm GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ayer recibi mi entrada a la Universidad de medicina!!! Tengo algunas intervistas todavia pero lo mas importante es que ya se que voy a ser doctora!!! GRACIAS A DIOS!! GLORIA A DIOS!!!
y gracias por sus oraciones!!!
Monday, October 6, 2008
i miss Honduras
I miss Honduras. I miss Honduras so much it hurts sometimes. Last week I was picking out pictures to put in my office. As I began to go through my pictures of Honduras a wave of sadness flowed over me. I sat in my closet flipping through 2 years of my life feeling like it was a lifetime ago. As I flipped I saw friends, family, and joy greater than I had ever known....and I began to cry. I sat in my closet for close to 45 minutes crying and praying. Some days I wonder what I'm doing here...some days I just want to run back to Honduras where life had joy, and purpose...where I was close to God. Yet I know that I'm supposed to be here. But it's hard...I feel like I'm losing myself and worse yet..>I'm losing God!! I miss Honduras so much it hurts!! I miss who I was when I was there and I miss the joy I had.
Things here are so complicated...so difficult and so depressing. With this new economic crisis and the upcoming election for president in the US I fear that it really is the end of the world. As much as I fear all of that I look forward to it at the same time. I see the world around me and I pray "maranatha" or "come quickly Lord Jesus". I know things were complicated in Honduras...but they were complicated in such a different way. I don't know...maybe I'm just discouraged...all I know is that I miss Honduras.
Pray for me...as I do for you. Together may we arrive in heaven!!
Things here are so complicated...so difficult and so depressing. With this new economic crisis and the upcoming election for president in the US I fear that it really is the end of the world. As much as I fear all of that I look forward to it at the same time. I see the world around me and I pray "maranatha" or "come quickly Lord Jesus". I know things were complicated in Honduras...but they were complicated in such a different way. I don't know...maybe I'm just discouraged...all I know is that I miss Honduras.
Pray for me...as I do for you. Together may we arrive in heaven!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)