Suffering and Mother Teresa...sufrimento y madre teresa

I was reading my magnificat the other day and there was a wonderful reflection by mother teresa about suffering. (I'm going to include it here). Now as many of you know I'm a big fan of Mother Teresa because in this time of my dark night of the soul (whether self imposed or from God we have still to find out) it does comfort me a little to know that she experienced this darkness for the last 50 years of her life. So I searched the web to find more reflexions about suffering by her...and was surprised to find pages of websites AGAINST mother teresa. Apparently there is a new book that is a compilation of her writings to spiritual directors relaying this darkness that she experienced. People are just saying the worst things about her, that she was a fraud (HUH???) and that she didn't really care for the poor. Basically it's trash...and slander. I was really struggling with this last night and the phrase "you shall know a tree by it's fruits" just kept going in my head...whatever people want to say about mother teresa...let's look at the fruits...poor are dying with a roof over thier heads, the order is growing EXPONENTIALLY, and people have grown in love and charity because of her life and witness. Those look like good fruits to me...so whatever other people want to say about Mother Teresa...I still love her. To continue in faith after such times of darkness...to experience so much suffering and not show it to all the world...well isn't that the witness. I struggle with that greatly at what point hiding my suffering so that it is between just God and I becomes being a hypocrite and a fake...but apparently Mother Teresa struggles with it as well...now I'm not comparing myself to mother teresa...I'm just saying well...I don't really know.
Here's the reflexion I read in Magnificat...

" Suffering has to come because if you look at the cross, he has got his head bending down- he wants to kiss you- and he has both hands open wide- he wants to embrace you. He has his heart opened wide to recieve you. Then when you feel miserable inside, look at the cross and you will know what is happening. Suffering, pain, sorrow, humiliation, feelings of loneliness, are nothing but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close that he can kiss you. Do you understand, brothers, sisters, or whoever you may be? Suffering, pain, humiliation- this ist he kiss of Jesus. At times you come so close to Jesus on the corss that he can kiss you. I once told this to a lady who was suffering very much. She answered, "Tell Jesus not to kiss me- to stop kissing me." That suffering has to come that came in the life of Our Lady, that came in the life of Jesus- it has to come in our life also. Only never put on a long face. Suffering is a gift from God. It is between you and Jesus alone inside...Our total surrender will come today by surrendering even our sins so that we will be poor. "Unless you become a child you cannot come to me." You are too big, too heavy; you cannot be lifted up. We need humility to acknowledge our sin. The knowledge of our sin helps us to rise. "I will get up and go to my Father." " - Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

Blessed Mother Teresa...PRAY FOR US!!!


Bueno el otro dia yo lei un reflexion de madre teresa sobre sufrimiento. Fue excelente. Como la majoria saben me gusta mucho madre teresa, especialmente ahorita. Ahora estoy en mi noche oscura del alma...y me da animo de saber que esta santa experimento esta oscuridad (estoy segura mas profundamente que yo) por mas que 50 anos...y ella fue SANTA! bueno, todavia no estoy segura si esta oscuridad para mi es de Dios o es de mi propio problema pero vamos a ver. Entonces yo fui de buscar mas palabras de madre en el internet...y de mi sorpresa hay paginas de sitios CONTRA madre teresa. Personas estan diciendo cosas feos sobre ella, que ella no hizo nada, que los condiciones en las asylos son horribles...y parece que ya salio un libro de cartas de madre a sus directores espirituales confiando sobre la oscuridad. Personas estan diciendo que ella sabia que fue hypocrita, bueno no voy a decir todo...pero fueron feos. Me di COURAJE!! de golpearlos...pero si las cartas son de ella...que podemos hacer...si ella pensaba que fue hypocrita...y estaba bien preocupada anoche y con frequencia la escritura "vas a saber un arbol de sus frutos" pasaba en mi mente. Y yo pense...no importa que dicen otros personas el diablo siempre va a encontrar maneras de luchar contra Dios, tenemos que ver los frutos de la vida de madre. Cuales son estos frutos, un mundo mas consiente de la responsibilidad a amor y los pobres, alguons pobres han muerto con un techo sobre sus cuerpos, y con amor...y la orden de los misioneros de caridad ha crecido MUCHO!! entonces, sabiamos que ella estaba en la oscuridad espiritualmente, no fue un secreto...no podemos juzgar que Dios ha hecho...nosotros SAbemos que ella fue santa...tenemos que luchar contra los mentiras del diablo en todos formas...y rezar por las personas que son tan perdidos que quieren buscar culpa y cosas malas en todos.

aqui es la reflexion que yo leyi de sufrimiento...

"Sufrimiento tiene que llegar porque si mira la cruz, el tiene su cabeza inclinado- el quiere besarle- el tiene los dos manos abiertos- el quiere abrazarle. El tiene su corazon abierto de recibirle. Entonces cuando siente desesperado adentro, mira la cruz y va a saber que esta pasando. Sufrimiento, dolor, tristeza, humiliacion, sentidos de ser solo, estos son nada menos el bezo de Jesus, un signal que has llegado tan cerca a el que el puede bezarle. Entienden hermanos, hermanas, o cualquier personas son? Sufrimiento, dolor, humiliacion- esto es el bezo de Jesus. Algunos veces pueden llegar tan cerca a Jesus en la cruz que el puede bezarles. Una vez yo dije esto a una mujer que fue sufriendo mucho. Ella me contesto "Diga a Jesus de no bezarme- para besandome!" El sufrimiento tiene que llegar que llego el la vida de Nuestra Senora, que llego en la vida de Jesus- tiene que llegar en nuestros vidas tambien. Solomente, nunca ponga una cara triste. Sufrimiento es un regalo de Dios. Esta entre ud y Jesus solamente adentro...Nuestra abilidad de entregar totalmente a Dios va a llegar hoy atravez de entregar tambien nuestros pecados para que podemos ser pobres. "A menos que seas como un nino no puedes llegar a mi" Ud es tan grande, tan pesado; no puede ser levantado. Necesicitamos humildad para reconocer nuesto pecado. Esta conocimiento de nuestos pecados nos ayuda de levantarnos. "Voy a levantarme y ir a mi Padre." " - Madre Teresa

BEATA MADRE TERSA...RUEGA POR NOSOTROS!!!!

update...resumen

I should start at the beginning...I went to Honduras over break...it was weird but wonderful. I arrived and it was almost like I had never left, like the last three months had been some weird awful dream. I passed 9 days there...blissful with the Lord Jesus every day, and new community members, and my dear sister Etel. But I knew I had to leave, and there was peace. It was a very weird experience to be in "my" house and "my" neighborhood and feel like I wasn't supposed to be there. Not because people didn't want me there...but because it's not where God is calling me to be. So I have peace about being in the US...it's where the Lord has asked me to be. And I had the opportunity to talk with Fr. John Anthony and recieve wonderful direction. I'm so grateful for him and the wisdom that the Lord gives him.

Basically, what I realized (and already knew but it sounds so much better coming from Fr. John) was that I can't expect the same life here that I had in Honduras. I'm in a new place and my faith and it's application will change. I can't pray for 5 hours a day here...it's not logical. There was crying (of course) but in the end...I felt well. Like I was centered. I'm doing the best I can, and if the Lord is farther from me...well then that's where He's put me for right now. I told Fr. John I'm just so tired...that I don't feel like I love the Lord anymore. I just want SO desperately to love the Lord. He reminded me that this is the challenge...it's easy to be faithful when we feel God so close to us...but this is when it's real love...when it's a choice. So I continue to choose Christ!! in the midst of the dryness of the desert I chooose the Lord.

After that trip I went straight to Michigan to be Godmother to my cousin Katie's sons Aiden and Grayson. They're my first God babies and I'm so excited...their existance and baptism is a HUGE blessing, miracle, and wonder for my whole family. PRAISE THE LORD!! I must say it was wonderful to see my cousin, to see how much she's grown and what a wonderful wife and mother she is. I'm SO proud of her!!! and also to see my aunt and uncle, cousins, and of course my parents!! what blessings!!!!

(Me, Doug-the God father, Grayson, Katie, Aiden, Samantha (my other cousin who was also baptised that day), Brandon (katie's husband), Rudy and Rylee (the other God parents))

And now I'm back here in Virginia, studying...struggling but recieving Grace in ABUNDANCE!!! I can't wait to start medical school and God has been placing the most wonderful people in my life. I'm going to be shadowing a wonderful female catholic doctor, and have met two other wondeful catholic doctors...so in short...as always the Lord is providing.

I continue to pray for you all!!!

bueno, en espanol ya! Como saben, fui a Honduras por un descanso. Fue extrano, excelente pero extrano. De estar en "mi" casa, y "mi" barrio y no sentir como fue mio!! No porque la gente no quisen para me de estar...pero mas porque yo se no es donde Dios esta llamandome. Ahora mi vida es como media vida...no estoy VIVIENDO como yo vivia en Honduras. Pero, yo se tambien que mi lugar ahorita no esta en Honduras. Ojala un dia de nuevo, pero cuando yo fui de Honduras yo tenia paz en mi corazon.

Mi tiempo alla fue incredible, de ver mis amigos, mi familia, y hablar con padre juan antonio y padre juan diego especialmente...fue excelente. Yo sentia como fue mas paz y balance en mi vida. Estoy luchando de guardar esto...

Yo llegue para el baptismo de mis hijados...los hijos Aiden y Grayson, de mi prima Katie. Fue excelente de verla como madre y esposa. Soy bien orgullosa de ella!! Fue un ceremonio excelente. (a la derecha: yo y mi prima Katie)

Y ya estoy aqui trabajando y luchando con biologia, quimica organica, y fisica. Dios ha puesto muchos personas en mi vida en estos semanas pasados. Voy a trabajar con una doctora catolica y tengo dos doctores mas con quien tal vez voy a trabajar. Dios es fiel como siempre. Es una lucha pero como siempre yo se esto es donde El me ha llamado...so aqui sigue...trabajando y luchando hasta que El me dices parar!!

Estoy rezando para uds. como siempre!! Les quiero MUCHISIMO!!!

aqui estoy...

well I started school again last week...organic chem, bio, physics, and the labs in one semester. Returned from a 11 day journey to Honduras to regain my soul...and reconnect with God. It seems like forever ago...but I'm at peace with that decision. I'm supposed to be here...no matter how hard it is. God will give me grace and strength...but I must confess i'm already overwhelmed!!! Only God can get me through this...
on a positive note I'm now the proud God mother of my cousin's 2 sons...YAY!! I'll write more and post pictures later...Organic chemistry calls....

finished

Well the year is over...the summer school year at least...finished out my summer with A- in Lab and A- in lecture first semester and a B+ in lab and an A in lecture second semester. Seriously struggling in my faith and my closeness (or lack thereof) with God but am going to Honduras Monday to recharge my batteries...Pray for me as I do for all of you!

Growing in Grace...creciendo en Gracia...and I don't mean in a good way!

well the year is winding down...had my second exam today...my last one next monday and my final on Wednesday. I'm ready to go to Honduras...I need to recharge my batteries and remember why I'm here in the first place...
on a scary note...
while in Honduras I learned about a group called "growing in grace" (creciendo en gracia) They're a frightening group that follows a wealthy man from Puerto Rico who claims to be the anti-christ. I don't know too much but they do things like tatoo 666 on their hands and forheads in green...they are growing sadly enough...they believe many things but from what I've heard...that the letters from St. paul ARE their bible...(negating EVERYTHING else) and that what we do on earth doesn't impact our soul (ie. you can kill anyone you want and it doesn't matter). We met with these people a few times in Honduras and I was always a little scared...
SO the other day I'm on the trolley in Cville with 2 friends and we're talking and a sketchy looking man starts trying to talk with us. He then proceeds to try and give my friend Ashley a cross necklace...she really doesn't want to take it but finally gives in...at this point is when I notice the 666 tattooed on his hand in green...he was part of creciendo en gracia...growing in grace. Which would explain the freaky vibe I got from him...I at this point grabbed my rosary (which thank God is always in my pocket) and started to pray for protection for us and conversion for him. He got off the trolley before us...needless to say Ashley discarded the necklace. I was very startled to see someone from creciendo en gracia in charlottesville...just goes to show how much more we need to pray for the conversion of sinners.

bueno..rusemen...en el bus el otro dia con mis amigas...un hombre empezo hablar con nosotras y intento dar una cadena a mi amiga...en este momento yo vi en su mano en verde un tatuaje de 666!! creciendo en gracia...en este momento yo aggare mi rosaro en mi bolsa y empeze rezar para nosotras y para el tambien. Mi amiga boto la cadena y no habia problemas...nada...pero me asuste de verlo...y recorde de la necesicidad en oracion. Bueno...casi estoy termindada con mis estudios del verano...gracias a dios...vamos a ver que va a pasar!

Tony and Mandy's Wedding

Here's one more picture that was just sent to me by Pat's girlfriend Rebecca...All the previous Honduras long term volunteers that were there. (L to R) Clare Jester, Tony Lashon (the groom), Patrick Gallic, and ME!! If anyone else doesn't recognize Pat Gallic that's okay...I didn't either.

Aqui es una foto mas de la boda...los voluntarios de largo tiempo de Honduras...clara, tony, patricio, y Yo.

went to Tony and mandy's wedding yesterday...all I can say is BEAUTIFUL!! It was a wonderful wedding...their love is tangible. Many missioners were there (including Pat and Clare from 1st generation long term volunteers), Tom and kelli, Marylee, Charice, Mario, Josh, Gidget and Terry, Stefano and Laurie, Bob and Diane, Dave, and many more. It was just a great opportunity to celebrate their love with them and have a good time. I've attached a few pictures of the happy couple...I'll add more when I get a chance.

Fue a la boda de tony ayer...fue bien linda. El amor entre ellos es incridible...gracias a dios! Tambien fue excelente de hablar con patricio y clara y muchos otros misioneros.

voy a poner mas fotos cuando tengo.

Paz...mas o menos...Peace, more or less

well...I went on a personal retreat with the trappist nuns in Crozet Tuesday and wednesday. it's amazing how GOD is SO good all the time. After not doing so well on my exam Monday I really needed the time to figure out why I was so upset...I didn't fail...so why did I feel like a failure. God really showed me my tendency to compare myself to others and to start counting on the world's opinion of me...,instead of trusting in HIS plan. It's amazing because there was a cancelation at the monastery (they only have 2 guest cabins) right before I called for the same night I wanted!!! God is SO good and is always preparing the way for me. So I had a few days of quiet and REST (I slept for 15 hours!!!) and more or less prayerful contemplation...and I finally arrived at peace...whatever my final grade was.

today we started Chem 142...YAY!! and I got my final grade for chem 141 and the lab. A- in both!!!!! Praise God...even when I perform poorly HE is faithful!!! But the best part was that I was prepared for worse and I had peace...knowing that His will is perfect.!!

Our lady of Peace...pray for US!!!!


Bueno...fue a las monjas trappistas en Crozet por un retiro personal. Dios me monstro como estoy cayendo en los metas y retos del mundo...teniendo mas confianza en sus tamanos y ideas de exito que en los de EL. Yo tenia muchos cosas sobre que necesicitaba rezar. Despues de hacer menos que perfecto en mi examen final yo necesicite un descanso. Es otro ejemplo de como Dios esta haciendo el camino enfrente de mi...habia un cancelacion con las monjas dias antes por el mismo dia que yo quise ir. Dios sabia (claro) que yo voy a necesicitar el tiempo en silencio. Entonces yo fue...yo dormi MUCHISIMO (15 horas) y reze...yo llegue con paz en mi corazon no importa las resultados de mis notas.

hoy empezamos Quimica 142...y yo recibi mis notas por quimica 141 y el laboratorio...A- en los dos!!! ALABENLO!!! Cuando yo estoy hacindo bien mal...EL es fiel!! El parte mejor fue que yo estaba lista con paz no importa los resultados...sabiendo que el voluntad de EL es perfecto!

Nuestra Senora de la Paz...Ruega por nosotros!!