joyful occasions/ cosas gozosos

I just flew to Omaha Nebraska this weekend for my uncle's wedding. He's 53 and has never been married before. My new Aunt Jerri and he had dated in college but had separated, she got married and then divorced a few years later. They've both been single for a long time and waiting on God to bring them their soul mate. So this weekend we met at the American Baptist camp in Omaha (yes, my family is baptist) to celebrate God's perfect timing.
As I sat there, listening to "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you" sobbing (of course) there were a few thoughts running through my head:

1) I can't wait to get married.
God has continually been confirming my vocation to marriage over the last few weeks and months. Getting to the point (where I'm still at I believe) of loving religious life and feeling called to serve God with all I have...the point of really not caring one way or the other. Once I reached this point...He keeps confirming in my heart, my prayers, and my discernment- my vocation to marriage.
That being said, this weekend was also about understanding and waiting for God's perfect time. Now is NOT the time for me to get married. I'm about to start med school for crying out loud. That being said, it is the time to continue to allow God to mold me into the woman HE wants me to be so I can be the best wife, and mother possible. Please continue to pray for me and my vocational discernment...and my future spouse whoever he may be.

2) I love being Catholic.
My Aunt Sandi is a Baptist minister and she did a wonderful job with the ceremony...but to me it almost feels like they're not really married because there was no mass...no sacrament...no Eucharist. But it was still beautiful...but I still LOVE BEING CATHOLIC...
in fact..my aunt even talked about the sacrament of marriage and gave a shout out to me and my parents (the only catholics there) saying something along the lines of "we protestants don't believe in sacraments, but if we were going to marriage would be it..."

3) I'm going to be a doctor!!
That thought was very clear to me all weekend, and really over this past week. I know (as do most of you) that this year has not been easy for me. This is the crappy part that's hard...but I DO love medicine. I shadowed a friend of mine who is a doctor last weekend and loved it. I love medicine and other than being a wife and a mother, there is nothing I want to do more.
It was also really exciting this weekend to visit University of Nebraska medical school (my mom's alumni) and Creighton University (my second choice med school). To see that in truth, God willing, I will be a medical student someday soon. I just have to survive the next 5 months.

4) My life is full of small sacrifices that I need to learn to offer up (this was a weekend revelation not just a wedding one)
I realized (esp when talking with my mother) that I need to learn to keep offering up small things for the salvation of souls. Instead of complaining about my stress or my grades I need to offer it up. For me, not being married right now is a sacrifice, OFFER IT UP! Not being in Honduras is a HUGE sacrifice...Offer it UP!! I think there's nothing good that I can be doing these days but there is...I can be growing in holiness and offering up my small sufferings for the people I love most.


So here goes nothing....I begin this semester rejuvenated and still daunted at the size of the task but reminded by God that it is HIS battle and not mine. Please continue to pray that I can be successful in my studies and can continue to offer up my daily sufferings (however small they may be) I ask for your prayers for my sister and my family as we continue to grow closer to God in this new year!!

ALSO, MARK YOUR CALENDERS...MCAT EXAM IS MAY 31ST PLEASE FAST AND PRAY!!!

PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST...NOW AND FOREVER!!

revelations

A good friend of mine just informed me that I sound depressed in my blogs. Forgive me for that! I should be able to find joy in all things, and I do. The truth is that I usually blog when I've hit the point of not having anywhere else to put my emotions. I'm doing well. I'm struggling and working hard, and somedays I don't know if I can do this. Honestly, I know I can't do this...but GOD can.
I spent this last weekend shadowing a friend of mine, and confirming my vocation again, not only to marriage and family, but also to medicine. I do love medicine and the practice of it. The only thing that concerns me is if it will hinder my vocation to marriage, but seeing as how God has not given me a spouse yet, I shouldn't concern myself with it. But be assured, I still love what I'm doing, and remind me of that please when I'm discouraged. This is God's calling for my life and I will continue in Joy to complete it. Please continue to pray for me as I do for all of you! God be with you all!

fitting quote

so I came across this quote from Grey's anatomy the other day...it seems especially fitting right now with 2 exams down and one to go.

''At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.''

- Grey's Anatomy

New names...

I've decided temporarily to change the name of my blog...Beloved...is the new name. This has been a most powerful word for me for about four years now. February 7, 2003 one of my closest friends from childhood was killed by a drunk driver. She was an amazing woman of faith, someone who radiated God's love like no one I've ever met. She challenged me, and loved me...so well.. She was a woman after the heart of the blessed mother...with a gentle and quiet spirit. As you can see she is still impacting my life. Not long before her death, she wrote to some of her friends

" I have learned that the Christian life is not meant to be a life of rules and discouragement, a life of giving up things we hope for but tell ourselves we cannot have because they are "bad¨ or 'wrong'. Jesus died so that we would not be burdened! He took all of our burdens and all that he asks for is our love! If we seek Him and seek Him purely and truly, we will see that Christianity is about freedom. It is about embracing life, living each day to the full. Life is not about being good and bad; it's about loving God and feeling that passion and living out our dreams and being made whole."- Laura Treppendahl

At her funeral her mentor gave a eulogy. She talked about how during their Bible study the year before they were studying the names of the Bible. For their last class she had asked each of the girls to pray about what name God had given them. My friend Laura went up to her after class and said "Beloved...that's the name He has given me. I'm His beloved." There was rejoicing the day she entered into heaven...she was ready...she was His beloved. I realized that I am His beloved as well...no matter what happens...I am His beloved.

Christ YEARNS for us...that is why He came in the flesh...because we are His beloved. May the Lord, the God of creation, who loves us so extravagantly, this advent season, give us the grace to embrace and accept that we are His beloved! Come quickly Lord Jesus, enter our Hearts!!!

Seven Sorrows of Mary

The Blessed Virgin Mary grants seven graces ot the souls who honor her daily by saying seven Hail Mary's and meditating on her tears and dolors. The devotion was passed on by St. Brigid.

The Seven Graces

1) I will grant peace to their families.

2) They will be enlightened about the divine mysteries.

3) I will console them in their pains and I will accompany them in their work.

4) I will give them as much as they ask for as long as it does not oppose the adorable will of my divine Son or the sanctification of their souls.

5) I will defend them in their spiritual battles with the infernal enemy and I will protect them at every instant of their lives.

6) I will visibly help them at the moment of their death, they will see hte face fo their Mother.

7) I have obtained (this grace) from mjy divine Son, that those who propagate this devotion to my tears and dolors, will be taken directly from this earthly life to eternal happiness since all their sins will be forgiven and my Son and I will be theri eternal consolation and joy.

Seven Sorrows of Mary

1) The prophecy of Simeon (Luke 2: 34,35)

2) The flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:13-14)

3) The loss of the child Jesus in the temple (Luke 2: 43-45)

4) the meeting of Jesus and Mary on the way of the cross.

5) the Crucifixion.

6) The taking down of the Body of Jesus from the cross.

7) the burial of Jesus.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. AMEN

Our Lady of Sorrows...pray for Us.

drowning

I've been having bad dreams lately....I don't know if it's the stress or what. But dreams where I explode with anger. Last night I dreamt that I was at dinner with my best friend and my parents and I just exploded screaming all the things I've thought but haven't said...I was slamming a chair into the ground (like I did with my physics book one day when I was uber frustrated) and I was crying..."can't you see I'm drowning...I can't do this". I know what freud would say...
It's weird...i alternate with good and bad days. Today was a bad day. A day when i realized just how alone I am here. I don't have family here. My family in Honduras has forgotten I exist, my family (blood- other than my parents) think I'm a radical nut, my virginia beach family is far away and still getting to know me, and the people here in charlottesville are amazing, but they're not my sisters who know my soul so well. I just feel so alone today. Being Catholic is hard...it means I have to quit volunteering at this hispanic clinic becasue they're in partnership with planned parenthood...it means when we go out I'm not wasted hooking up with someone because it's not what I do and it's not what God is asking of me (okay...that one's not very hard to give up)....it means that in almost every discussion about medicine or ethics I'M ALONE!!
Today was a bad day...maybe tomorrow will be better...

many reasons to be thankful...muchas razones de ser agradacedia

thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, or texted me. This past weekened was difficult but full of grace nonetheless. I left early Saturday morning and arrived in Columbus, Ohio by 10am. My parents were there to meet me at the airport and we went to the retirement community where my grandparents were living. My father has been through so much, but is the perfect person to do it. It was hard to see him hurting so much, but reassuring to see the peace that he had about his father's passing.
Everyone at the nursing home was so wonderful to us. You could see just how much they loved my grandfather. He was always a sweet man, and I'm glad to know that they loved him as their own. He had taken to doing jigsaw puzzles, the other little old ladies there loved it. My aunt actually heard them once "did you see, tom's doing another puzzle?" "Oh, I just love his puzzles, lets go help!"....hahahaha... He's been doing the puzzles and framing them. The people at Feridean (where he lived) had been encouraging him to take the bus that they provide to Mejier's (like a walmart) nearby and buy his own frames but he never wanted to...until 3 weeks ago. He got on the bus and went and bought a frame for his puzzle. He was so proud when he got back and said "that's easy. i can do that." I rejoice knowing he was still finding pleasure in the last weeks. He told Beverly (one of the women that works there) that he wanted her to make sure that each of his three kids got one of the three puzzles he had just completed for christmas. He knew he was going to die. And he was okay with it.
My grandfather's passing was peaceful. I don't know if I said this the last time, but his nurse was catholic, and was there when he passed. As was my father. He had my dad's hand in one hand, and his rosary in the other. He died in the arms of the blessed mother.
So, sunday was the wake, so difficult to see my grandfather in a casket, but good for closure. All of my family was there, all the cousins, aunts, uncles, everyone. A bad reason for a reunion but a joy nonetheless. Monday was the funeral. I was asked 10 minutes before the mass to do the eulogy. Talk about nerve racking!!! But it all went well. It was yet another moment I was so grateful to be catholic. To see the insense with our prayers, rising up to heaven, to hear the blessings, and recieve Jesus, knowing I was being united with my grandfather in that moment of consumption. It was all so peaceful! And the priest (a dominican-who is actually really close friends with my spiritual director-small God world) gave a wonderful homily about preparing ourselves. And so, at the end of it all, I was okay. Death is not something to be feared if we have lived our lives for God. If we have strived to follow Him in all that we do, and if we are like my grandfather, who lived his live full of Love and Joy!! There is nothing to fear.
The next few days were just me and my parents with my grandmother. I stayed with her in her room, and reiceved the great grace of talking with her. She's a little demented now but has moments of clarity that astonish me. We talked for over an hour one night about how she met my grandfather, and their love, and marriage. She kept saying "I never thought he would be the first to go. you know everyone dies, but it doesn't seem real that it can happen so fast." So my days were full of sorrow and joy. Much like the cross.
I then flew to DC for a few days with my best childhood friend, her family, and my sister (and my parents). Arriving back in Cville yesterday to spend the day with my parents, my brother, his fiancee, and half of hokie nation to watch the UVA Vtech game. It was joyful as well.
In short, this last week has been a blur. I miss my grandfather terribly, but I must rejoice in his peace. My mother told me that all my prayers from my former blog were answered. he died in peace, and knowledge of God's love. What else can I be thankful for...I saw my family, I spent quality time with my grandmother, and I have been loved so abundantly by many. I am so grateful!! and now...now it's time to start working again. I love you all and am constantly lifting you up in prayer!! God bless!


Primeramente, gracias a todos que me han llamando y escrito para ofrecer sus oraciones para mi familia. Me ayudo mucho. Okay...algo breve. Fui a columbus, Ohio la sabado pasado. mis padres reunieron con migo en el aeropuerto. Fue tan bueno de verles, pero pobresito mi papi. Ha experimentado mucho en la semana pasado, de cuidar por todo de la funeral de mi abuelo y todo. Pero fue bueno tambien, de ver la paz en los ojos de el...el sabia que mi abuelo esta en un lugar mejor. Bueno, fuimos a ver mi abuela donde vive ella (y vivia mi abuelo). Vive ella en un asylo para los ancianos. pero uno excelente. La gente alla aman los ancianos como sus propios padres. Todos estaban contandonos historias sobre mi abuelo. El estaba haciendo rompecabezas y todos los ancianas estaban encantadas de ver lo. El los puso en marcos, y fue a una tienda en el bus de casa de ancianos hace 3 semanas por la primera vez de comprar su marco solo. Beverly (una de las mujeres que trabaja alla) nos dijo que el dijo cuando regreso "ah, esto fue facile, yo puedo hacer esto." El fue tan orgulloso de hacer para si mismo. Tambien, le dijo de estar segura que cada uno de sus 3 hijos (mi papi, y dos tias) recibien uno de sus rompecabezas para navidad. Pensamos que el sabia que va a morir. Esto me da paz...que el sabia pero no tenia miedo. No se se les dijo esto en mi ultima blog pero mi abuelo se murio con su rosario en un mano, y el mano de mi papa en su otro. El se murio en los brazos de la virgen. Esto me da paz.
Domingo fue la vista del cuerpo y visitacion de la familia. Fue duro de verlo pero bueno tambien. Todo mi familia fue alla, tios, tias, vecinos, sobrinos, todos. Es un mal excuso para tener un reunion de la familia, pero me dio un poco de comodidad. Lunes, fue la funeral. Me dijeron 10 minutos (mas o menos) antes de la misa que quisieron para mi de hacer la eulogoia (no se como se dice...es cuando alguien va a decier cosas sobre la persona que esta muerte). Fue un miedo para mi de estar enfrente de todos tratando de decir sobre la vida de mi abuelo, pero como siempre fue gracia de Dios. Tambien, la misa fue excelente para mi. De ver el incienso levantando a los cielos con nuestros oraciones, de ver el sacerdote (un dominicana ...y bueno amigo de mi director espiritual...que chiquito este mundo) rezando y bendiciendo el ataul, y de recibir a jesus en la eucaristia, y saber en esto momento fue unido con mi abuelo en los cielos. No se, fue otro momento llena de gracia y agradcimiento a Dios por dar me este iglesia, este fe. Ya se (como siempre sabia en la profundidad) que no debemos tener miedo de la muerte. Si vivimos nuestras vidas para Dios, y llena de amor y gozo, podemos morir en paz con el conocimiento que vamos a ver nuestro Dios y creador!
Los siguientos dias fue yo, y mis padres con mi abuela. Yo dormi en el cuarto con ella. Nunca ha vivido sola en 93 anos. Nunca estaba sola. Esto va a ser un cambio grande para ella. Fue duro (porque ella es un poco loca y dificile) pero un gracia tambien. Placticamos por mas que una hora una noche. Sobre so matrimonio, como conocio a mi abuelo, su vida. Todo...se que voy a ser bien feliz que pase este tiempo con ella. Ella me dijo "yo no pense que el va a ir primero. Se que todos mueren, pero no pensamos que va a pasar tan rapido." Rezan por paz en el corazon de ella...creo que esta bien.
Despues fui a Washington DC para celebrar accion de gracia con mis padres, mi hermana, su novio, mi mejor amiga de mi ninez y su familia. Fue bueno. Y llegue con mis padres a charlottesville ayer de pasar el dia con mi hermano y su prometida de ver un partido de futbol americana.
Y hoy...tengo que empezar de estudiar de nuevo. Mi vacacion esta terminado, y esto acercando a mis examenes. Pero mi semana, auque duro, fue llena de gracia, gozo, y amor. entonces auque cosas son duros algunos vezes, este semana me enseno de tener agadecimiento en todos momentos. Estoy en buen salud, con muchas personas que me aman. Que mas puedo querer?? Les queiro a todos, y sigo rezando para uds diaria!! Dios les bendiga!