the woman at the well

today's gospel...the woman at the well. A few thoughts on this. The first is that I'm always comforted by how clueless the disciples were. They got back from buying food and offer Jesus some and He tells them he doesn't need any...that He has been fed. and they all wonder if he brought something with him. That's totally something I would do. They are totally clueless for the longest time as to what he's talking about. That he's not talking about rice and beans food. It's kind of like during the transfiguration when Peter says "it's a good thing we're here...we'll set up the tents, one for you, one for elijah, and one for moses" and we read it and think... "yup, I'd be saying that too." I felt like this was another one of those moments and for some reason, that really comforted me today. Maybe because I'm so clueless myself right now...I can practically feel Jesus chastising me some days for my lack of understanding and belief. Aside from that...and more importantly than that what struck me most about today was the homily and the message preached by my pastor (and spiritual director).

The homily today (as well as the magnificat reading) was all about her thirst...what struck me most powerfully was the question fr. Brian posed to the congregation....his whole homily was about her response to the Lord. He spoke of her quest for love and affection, and he asked us "What if she had ignored his request for water? what if she had simply turned around and run home? Where would she be now? More importantly for us...Where would we be now had we not responded to his request to satiate our thirst?"


And I began to cry...thinking



"Where would I be now, WHO would I be now if it wasn't for the Lord? If a little more than 3 years ago I hadn't met Him at the well in Honduras? If I hadn't listened to Him call my name...and if I hadn't responded? "


and I know so clearly (and it has been on my heart so much) that I would be a completely different person.

The samaritan woman had been searching for fulfillment, searching for someone to fill her, that's why she had 5 husbands and was with another man. They continued to move in and out of her life, hurting her and wounding her, but she kept seaching one after the other. Wanting something that was real and that would fill her....and then she met Jesus. "He has told me everything I've done!" She wasn't ashamed...she was in awe...she was joyful. She was filled...and LOVED!!! I am so much like that samaritan woman (except for the 5 husbands)...I too was searching for so long for someone to love me (and to an extent I still am admittedly)...I was searching in the world for something to fill me. And as many of you know I was searching in all the wrong places.

I know, that were it not for the Lord, were it not for Honduras and the amazing conversion that HE moved in me there...I would be a very different person today. I would still be searching, hooking up with random men in bars, drinking, doing everything possible to "have fun" and like before, I would still be crying at the end of the night...alone and ashamed of who I was and what I had done. I am SO grateful that I am not there...that I am not that person. Although I still stumble and fall daily...I am in His grace now and confident in HIs mercy and His love. PRAISE GOD FOR HIS MERCY!!!

Although things are extremely hard right now (and I do beg your prayers for some difficult decisions i have coming up - I'm considering changing my MCAT date and so much more) I know that I am so much happier now than I ever was before. I am filled by HIM...when I am sad or alone I have HIM and HIS blessed mother to run to!! I will never be thirsty again as long as I turn to HIM!! I am so grateful that I was at the well that day...that He spoke to me, and called me to Him. I shudder to think about the darkness that I would be living in right now...and I am compelled even more to pray for all those who have not yet been to the welll...or who are too frightened or ashamed to speak to the one who is waiting there.

During this lenten season let us continue to visit the well daily...let Him tell us all that we have done...and let Him love us and give us water that will forever satiate our thirst...the water of mercy and love flowing from His sacred heart!!


PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST...NOW AND FOREVER!!!



lo siento...no tengo tiempo de traducir ahortia...son las 12:30 en la mananita ahorita y tengo que dormir...una dia bien larga manana. Cuando tengo tiempo voy a traducilo! Gracias y que Dios les bendiga!!

Lent

And so it begins...the holy and dirty time of lent. Holy because hopefully during this season we will draw closer to the Lord. Dirty because it is in realizing what grave sinners and facing our humanity that we are able to draw closer to the Lord. I am realizing my humanity in my doubts and sorrows, and lack of trust in the Lord.

I started Lent with great plans, and continue to try and fulfill my lenten promises...but have realized more and more...my greatest gift to offer is my suffering. It is not suffering as many people know it, not physical suffering like cancer or paralysis. But a spiritual and emotional suffering that some days feels so great. It is the suffering of lonliness, of uncertainty, of drowning. Again, I realize why it is that so many doctors wind up workaholics. There will be no simple life for me...it's impossible. The things that I desire are not in His plan for me right now...so I suffer in expectant anticipation...and trust...and offer it up.

I struggle to trust in Him, to trust His will and plan for my life...but I know I must. If there is one thing I am learning from the blessed mother it is that...complete abandon and trust in the Lord. He knows what He is doing and I must continue even when the waves and the wind are so high that I feel like I am going to drown. So my scripture lately has been from matthew.

"But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and beginning to sink he cried out 'LORD, SAVE ME!' Immediately, Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him and said to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" - Matthew 13:30-31

I am Peter (arent' we all). I do fine until I start looking at the mounds of Kaplan material, the physics, all the things I have to do, and I realize that there just aren't enough hours in the day; and I get frightened by how strong the wind is...and I cry out to be saved...and like Peter, the Lord chastizes me..."oh you of little faith...why did you doubt?" In this time of preparation I challenge myself to not doubt but to trust. I ask the Lord for the grace of trust, and accepting Mercy and Love wherever He chooses to give it.

So this lent, I will offer up all those moments of feeling along...all the moments when I realize that it will be years until I have a real life again...years until I have time for friends or a family. I offer it up...and rejoice at the same time. Because I'm alone I am able to do the will of God more fully...I'm able to be the student and God willing the doctor that He wants me to be. I am able to go to daily mass or adoration at 3am because I don't have a family to worry about. There are blessings in all things....So my goal for lent is to offer up the burdens ("take up my cross daily") and to rejoice in the blessings (however muddled and abstract they may be.

emptying purgatory for lent

so I got this great idea from facebook about one of the things to do during lent. Here's that the facebook group founder has said about it:

The main prayer said in the chaplet (said 50 times) was given to Saint Gertrude by our Lord with the promise that every time it was recited 1000 souls would be released from Purgatory. So praying the chaplet will release 50,000 souls! And if you prayed this chaplet for the 40 days of lent (Sundays will be optional but encouraged) then you will release TWO MILLION souls from Purgatory!!! Imagine if just a few of use got together to do this how many souls we could release into Heaven!

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Reasons to do this:

1. Our Lady has asked us to pray for the poor souls in purgatory many times. This was especially clear in her message at Fatima.

2. All of the souls that are released through our prayers or by having Masses said for them are then Saints in Heaven who are immediately extremely powerful advocates for us now and especially at the hour of our death.

3. Our Lord commanded us to love one another. We can do no less charitable thing than to pray for those poor souls in purgatory who can do nothing for themselves.

4. It is more efficacious to pray for the poor souls in purgatory than even to pray for the lowliest sinners here on earth.

5. This chaplet was championed by many great Saints including a Doctor of the Church: Saint Alphonsus Liguouri.

so here's the chaplet if anyone is interested!!

SAINT GERTRUDE THE GREAT CHAPLET

Our Lord told St. Gertrude the Great that the following prayer would release 1,000 Souls from Purgatory each time it is said. The prayer was later extended to includeliving sinners as well.

"ETERNAL FATHER, I OFFER THEE THE MOST PRECIOUS BLOOD OF THY DIVINE SON, JESUS, IN UNION WITH THE MASSES SAID THROUGHOUT THE WORLD TODAY, FOR ALL THE HOLY SOULS IN PURGATORY, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the universal Church, those in my own home and within my family. Amen."

[In one Rosary or chaplet this prayer is said 50 times!]Say this chaplet using regular Rosary beads. Begin with the Apostles' Creed, one Our Father, three Hail Marys and a Glory Be to the Father just as with Our Lady's Rosary.

On the five decades, say the above Prayer for the Holy souls on each Hail Mary bead and the Our Father on each separator bead between the decades.

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Optional Prayers to add to the recitation of the Chaplet-

To be said after each decade...

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, open the hearts and minds of sinners to the truth and light of God, the Father.Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for the conversion of sinners and the world."

Glory be...

"To be said at the end of each Chaplet...

THANKSGIVING FOR GRACES BESTOWED ON ST. GERTRUDEO most sweet Lord Jesus Christ, I praise, extol and bless Thee, in union with that Heavenly praise which the Divine Persons of the Most Holy trinity mutually render to Each other, and which thence flows down upon Thy Sacred Humanity, upon the Blessed Virgin Mary and upon all the Angels and Saints. And I give Thee thanks for all the graces Thou didst lavish upon Thy beloved spouse, St. Gertrude. I thank Thee especially for that ineffable love wherewith Thou didst pre-elect her from all eternity, didst enrich her so highly, didst draw her so sweetly to Thyself by the strongest bonds of love, didst unite her so blissfully to Thyself, dwell with such delight in her heart, and crown her life with so blessed an end. I recall to Thee now, O most compassionate Jesus, the promise Thou didst make to Thy beloved spouse, that Thou wouldst most assuredly grant the prayers of all who come to Thee through her merits and intercession, in all matters concerning their salvation. I beseech Thee, by Thy most tender love, grant me the grace . . . [mention it] which I confidently expect. Amen.

let's empty purgatory!!! Seamos santos!!

"If it were but known how great is the power of the good souls in Purgatory with the Heart of God, and if we knew all the graces we can obtain through their intercession, they would not be so much forgotten. We must, therefore, pray much for them, that they may pray much for us." --- St. John Vianney

Just a few thoughts...algunas pensiamentos

So I know I've been posting a lot lately...school hasn't really picked up yet so I still have the time. I was reading one of the missioners in Honduras blogs' this morning...and it hurt. There is still such a large part of my soul that misses and yearns for that life again. That yearns for the simple life with the simple, beautiful people of Honduras. Don't get me wrong...as those of you who spoke to and lived with me in Honduras know, things were hard there and I was challenged in SO many ways. But man, was there JOY!! There were so many graces, and every day was a new adventure. I felt like I was DOING something with my life. And I think that's the problem right now....I"m not giving to anyone...I'm not really DOING anything but studying right now. I know that's my vocation and I know it's what I'm supposed to be doing. But it's hard...I miss feeling productive and like I'm giving something back. It was really easy to see at the end of the day in Honduras that you had done something...even if it was just clean the house, or visit the elderly. God was SO clear in the work that we were doing. Here...well here He's much more abstract. It takes effort to see Him in Physics or O-chem. But I'm trying.
I'm still in love with my work...I spent all afternoon yesterday again shadowing the amazing Catholic doctor here in town. I'm most happy when I'm there. To know how weird I am...as I was driving home at 6pm I wanted to stop by the hospital for more shadowing...and the sad part is...it was because I didn't have anything else to do. I see now how doctors become work -a holics. You study so hard that medicine and the hospital become your life...and then when the studying is over you don't have anything else because you've given it all up to become a doctor...so then being a doctor is your life. I wanted to stay at the hospital last night because I didn't have anywhere else to go but home to my empty apartment. That's why I miss Honduras...there was always someone around...always Jesus or something else...But...I still love hospitals...and I know now more than ever that this is my vocation. I just have to continue to trust in the Lord that He will bring me back to Honduras when it is time...and until it is time I have to continue to offer up my sadness at not being there and pray that He will give me the grace to find a balance between work and life.
May the Lord bless us and give us strength today and may we remember always to pray for the missions...the people who are doing what the rest of us can only dream about doing!


bueno...se que estoy escribiendo mucho en mi blog estos dias...mis estudios son pocos ahorita y tengo el tiempo. Estaba leyendo el blog de uno de los misioneros en Honduras este manana ...y duele en mi corazon. Hay un parte gigante todavia que quiere estar en Honduras. Mi alma hace falta esta vida...esta trabajo. Que queire estar de nuevo con la gente de Honduras. Entienden bien...los quien estaba con migo en Honduras saben...habian muchos dificultades para mi alla y yo fue cambiado en muchas maneras. Pero habia GOZO en abundancia!! Habia gracia y cada dia fue un adventura nueva. Senti como estaba HACIENDO algo. Y creo es el problema ahora...no siento que estoy haciendo nada menos estudiando...no estoy dando mi misma a nadie. Y se que es mi vocacion ahora de estudiar pero duele y es duro. Me hace falta sentir como hize algo durante el dia. En Honduras fue facil de ver que hize durante el dia, muchas vezes fue algo bien facil como limpiar la casa o visita los viejos. Dios fue CLARO en el trabajo que tuvimos. Es tan mas duro de verlo en quimica organica o fisica. Pero estoy tratando.
Todavia estoy enamorado con mi trabajo. Fue de nuevo ayer para seguir con la doctora catolica aqui y encanto el trabajo y mis companeros de trabajo alla. Son bendiciones de Dios! (y ayer yo traduje para un pareja de Mexico...malisimo...van a reir uds. cuando regresara a Honduras porque casi no puedo hablar ya! lo siento) Estoy lo mas feliz cuando estoy en la clinica o el hospital es como tengo una vida real. Estoy es que extrano soy yo...cuando estaba manejando a mi casa anoche como a las 6 pase por el hospital y quise entrara y seguir trabajando alla (no puedo...no tengo un trabajo alla). El parte triste es que yo quise hacer esto porque no tenia nada mejor de hacer anoche! Ya entiendo como los doctores cayen en el rythmo de trabajar demasiado...durante de sus estudios medicina y el hospital son su vida...y despues cuando son doctores se dan cuenta que han dejado todo para ser doctor que ya no tengan nada menos el hosptial y el trabajo. Y ser doctor ya es su vida. Yo no quise salir del hospital anoche porque trabajar parecia mejor de regresar a mi apartamento sola sin nadie. Esto es porque me hace falta Honduras...siempre habian alguien alla en la casa. Pero encanto mi trabajo todavia...encanto los hospitales...y se mas que nunca que ser doctora es mi vocacion. Solo tengo que rezar para un balancia en mi vida. Y tengo que confiar en Dios que cuando es el tiempo El va a llevarme de nuevo a Honduras. Y hasta esta momento tengo que seguir ofreciendolo para arriba mi tristeza de no estar en Honduras con uds.!
Que Dios nos bendiga y nos da la fuerza de seguir hoy. Y que podemos recordar de rezar para los misiones...para la gente que estan haciendo lo que los demas de nosotros solo podemos sonar de hacer!!

photos of my Uncles Wedding/ fotos de la boda de mi tio

my uncle, his wife Jerri, and her son

mi tio, su esposa nueva Jerri, y su hijo (mi primo nuevo)

my cousins and I with our grandfather

mis primas y yo con nuestra abuelo

my uncle, his wife Jerri, and my aunt (the pastor)

mi tio, su esposa Jerri, my mi tia (el pastor que hizo la boda)

Prayer Request....Les Pido por Oraciones

My dear friends...I took an MCAT diagnostic test last week and just got my score back. I completely bombed it!! So I have spent the last few days freaking out. The good news is, thinking about not getting a good enough score to get into medical school has helped me realize just how much I want to go to medical school. I feel like this desire is again confirming my vocation to medicine. That being said...wanting it so badly is freaking me out even more. To get a decent score I need to at least DOUBLE my diagnostic score. So I come before you begging for your prayers. I take the MCAT on May 31st and I beg that you help me storm the gates of heaven with prayers. I know this might seem foolish to most of you...it's not like I'm dying or anything...but this is the only thing (other than serve God) that I want to do with my life. Please, please, please pray that I can be disciplined in my studies this semster and do well on the MCAT in May.
Praise God in ALL things!!

solo...recibi los resultados de mi diagnostica para mi examen de entrada a la Universidad de Medicina...y completamente fracaso. Para entrar necesicito ganar mas que doble lo que gane en mi practica. Les escribo de POR FAVOR rezan que puedo ganar mucho en el MCAT. Atravez de mi miedo sobre mis notas me di cuenta de mi deseo todavia de ser doctora. Por favor, ayudame y rezar que puedo tener exito en mi examen es le 31 de mayo. Se que no es como vida y muerte...pero sus oraciones son importantes...es mi vocacion de ser doctora...ayudame de pedir a Dios. por favor, rezan que puedo tener disciplina en mis estudios este semestre y salir con exito en el MCAT en mayo.

Alabemos a Dios en TODAS las cosas!

babies...

today was a new day...and the first day of classes. As always I am already overwhelmed by the amount of work that I will have before me this semester. But as my therapist suggested I made a schedule and realized that if I utilize my time wisely there will be time for all things. Please pray that I will utilize my time wisely.
Instead of getting freaked out I started back up today with my wednesday babysitting of the most adorable 10month old baby ever (other than the Hinckley kids of course...) John Paul. Today JP and I went for a walk and he was great for the first 10 minutes and proceeded to scream for the next 15 minutes. I held him in his snuggley close to my chest and just let him cry because it was time for his nap and he was exhausted. Then a miraculous thing happened...he fell asleep. I continued to walk with him, just enjoying the feeling of having a baby in my arms. We went to the stations of the cross outside church where I prayed my rosary...all the while him sleeping quietly in my arms. then when he was still asleep after 3o minutes we went to adoration. There I sat completely blissful...Jesus in front of me and a sleeping baby. Every once in a while he would make the cutest baby noises (sighs...snoring...sucking on his pacifier, etc). And I continue to be astonished by the beauty in small things...I recieved SO much joy from just holding him for a few hours (and yet still rejoiced when I got to give him back to his mother;) ). Praise God for babies and the eucharist...my source of strength!!

solo dije que hoy fue mi primer dia de clases...estoy un poco estressado ya pero se que si uso mi tiempo bueno puedo hacer todo. Rezan por favor que puedo usar mi tiempo bien. Tambien hoy fui a seguir con mi actividad de los miercoles...cuidando un bebe de 10 meses quien se llama Juan Pablo (no es Juan Pablo Hinckley porsupuesto). Hoy fuimos a caminar, chinandolo en mis brazos. El fue excelente por los primeros 1o minutos, lloro y grito por los proximos 15 minutos (de sueno- fue tiempo para su descanso), y despues...un milagro...el dormio en mis brazos. Siguemos caminando por un rato y despues fuimos a los estaciones de la cruz afuera de mi iglesia. Yo sente alla por como 20 minutos con el dormido en mis brazos. Que paz y tranquilidad. Despues fuimos a adoracion. Yo estaba pensando hoy en adoracion que perfecto fue el momento. Jesus en frente de me, un bebe en mis brazos (quien estaba haciendo ruidos tan preciosos en sus suenos) y todo en paz. Yo sigo ser asustado de la belleza en las cosas chiquitos. Yo recibi tanto alegria solo de chiniarlo por algunas horas...(y tambien de regresarlo a su madre en el fin de dia ;) ) Alabemos a Dios por las cosas chiquitas como bebe's y sonrisas...y las cosas grandes...como Jesus en la eucaristia!!!