fitting quote

so I came across this quote from Grey's anatomy the other day...it seems especially fitting right now with 2 exams down and one to go.

''At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.''

- Grey's Anatomy

New names...

I've decided temporarily to change the name of my blog...Beloved...is the new name. This has been a most powerful word for me for about four years now. February 7, 2003 one of my closest friends from childhood was killed by a drunk driver. She was an amazing woman of faith, someone who radiated God's love like no one I've ever met. She challenged me, and loved me...so well.. She was a woman after the heart of the blessed mother...with a gentle and quiet spirit. As you can see she is still impacting my life. Not long before her death, she wrote to some of her friends

" I have learned that the Christian life is not meant to be a life of rules and discouragement, a life of giving up things we hope for but tell ourselves we cannot have because they are "bad¨ or 'wrong'. Jesus died so that we would not be burdened! He took all of our burdens and all that he asks for is our love! If we seek Him and seek Him purely and truly, we will see that Christianity is about freedom. It is about embracing life, living each day to the full. Life is not about being good and bad; it's about loving God and feeling that passion and living out our dreams and being made whole."- Laura Treppendahl

At her funeral her mentor gave a eulogy. She talked about how during their Bible study the year before they were studying the names of the Bible. For their last class she had asked each of the girls to pray about what name God had given them. My friend Laura went up to her after class and said "Beloved...that's the name He has given me. I'm His beloved." There was rejoicing the day she entered into heaven...she was ready...she was His beloved. I realized that I am His beloved as well...no matter what happens...I am His beloved.

Christ YEARNS for us...that is why He came in the flesh...because we are His beloved. May the Lord, the God of creation, who loves us so extravagantly, this advent season, give us the grace to embrace and accept that we are His beloved! Come quickly Lord Jesus, enter our Hearts!!!

Seven Sorrows of Mary

The Blessed Virgin Mary grants seven graces ot the souls who honor her daily by saying seven Hail Mary's and meditating on her tears and dolors. The devotion was passed on by St. Brigid.

The Seven Graces

1) I will grant peace to their families.

2) They will be enlightened about the divine mysteries.

3) I will console them in their pains and I will accompany them in their work.

4) I will give them as much as they ask for as long as it does not oppose the adorable will of my divine Son or the sanctification of their souls.

5) I will defend them in their spiritual battles with the infernal enemy and I will protect them at every instant of their lives.

6) I will visibly help them at the moment of their death, they will see hte face fo their Mother.

7) I have obtained (this grace) from mjy divine Son, that those who propagate this devotion to my tears and dolors, will be taken directly from this earthly life to eternal happiness since all their sins will be forgiven and my Son and I will be theri eternal consolation and joy.

Seven Sorrows of Mary

1) The prophecy of Simeon (Luke 2: 34,35)

2) The flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:13-14)

3) The loss of the child Jesus in the temple (Luke 2: 43-45)

4) the meeting of Jesus and Mary on the way of the cross.

5) the Crucifixion.

6) The taking down of the Body of Jesus from the cross.

7) the burial of Jesus.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. AMEN

Our Lady of Sorrows...pray for Us.

drowning

I've been having bad dreams lately....I don't know if it's the stress or what. But dreams where I explode with anger. Last night I dreamt that I was at dinner with my best friend and my parents and I just exploded screaming all the things I've thought but haven't said...I was slamming a chair into the ground (like I did with my physics book one day when I was uber frustrated) and I was crying..."can't you see I'm drowning...I can't do this". I know what freud would say...
It's weird...i alternate with good and bad days. Today was a bad day. A day when i realized just how alone I am here. I don't have family here. My family in Honduras has forgotten I exist, my family (blood- other than my parents) think I'm a radical nut, my virginia beach family is far away and still getting to know me, and the people here in charlottesville are amazing, but they're not my sisters who know my soul so well. I just feel so alone today. Being Catholic is hard...it means I have to quit volunteering at this hispanic clinic becasue they're in partnership with planned parenthood...it means when we go out I'm not wasted hooking up with someone because it's not what I do and it's not what God is asking of me (okay...that one's not very hard to give up)....it means that in almost every discussion about medicine or ethics I'M ALONE!!
Today was a bad day...maybe tomorrow will be better...

many reasons to be thankful...muchas razones de ser agradacedia

thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, or texted me. This past weekened was difficult but full of grace nonetheless. I left early Saturday morning and arrived in Columbus, Ohio by 10am. My parents were there to meet me at the airport and we went to the retirement community where my grandparents were living. My father has been through so much, but is the perfect person to do it. It was hard to see him hurting so much, but reassuring to see the peace that he had about his father's passing.
Everyone at the nursing home was so wonderful to us. You could see just how much they loved my grandfather. He was always a sweet man, and I'm glad to know that they loved him as their own. He had taken to doing jigsaw puzzles, the other little old ladies there loved it. My aunt actually heard them once "did you see, tom's doing another puzzle?" "Oh, I just love his puzzles, lets go help!"....hahahaha... He's been doing the puzzles and framing them. The people at Feridean (where he lived) had been encouraging him to take the bus that they provide to Mejier's (like a walmart) nearby and buy his own frames but he never wanted to...until 3 weeks ago. He got on the bus and went and bought a frame for his puzzle. He was so proud when he got back and said "that's easy. i can do that." I rejoice knowing he was still finding pleasure in the last weeks. He told Beverly (one of the women that works there) that he wanted her to make sure that each of his three kids got one of the three puzzles he had just completed for christmas. He knew he was going to die. And he was okay with it.
My grandfather's passing was peaceful. I don't know if I said this the last time, but his nurse was catholic, and was there when he passed. As was my father. He had my dad's hand in one hand, and his rosary in the other. He died in the arms of the blessed mother.
So, sunday was the wake, so difficult to see my grandfather in a casket, but good for closure. All of my family was there, all the cousins, aunts, uncles, everyone. A bad reason for a reunion but a joy nonetheless. Monday was the funeral. I was asked 10 minutes before the mass to do the eulogy. Talk about nerve racking!!! But it all went well. It was yet another moment I was so grateful to be catholic. To see the insense with our prayers, rising up to heaven, to hear the blessings, and recieve Jesus, knowing I was being united with my grandfather in that moment of consumption. It was all so peaceful! And the priest (a dominican-who is actually really close friends with my spiritual director-small God world) gave a wonderful homily about preparing ourselves. And so, at the end of it all, I was okay. Death is not something to be feared if we have lived our lives for God. If we have strived to follow Him in all that we do, and if we are like my grandfather, who lived his live full of Love and Joy!! There is nothing to fear.
The next few days were just me and my parents with my grandmother. I stayed with her in her room, and reiceved the great grace of talking with her. She's a little demented now but has moments of clarity that astonish me. We talked for over an hour one night about how she met my grandfather, and their love, and marriage. She kept saying "I never thought he would be the first to go. you know everyone dies, but it doesn't seem real that it can happen so fast." So my days were full of sorrow and joy. Much like the cross.
I then flew to DC for a few days with my best childhood friend, her family, and my sister (and my parents). Arriving back in Cville yesterday to spend the day with my parents, my brother, his fiancee, and half of hokie nation to watch the UVA Vtech game. It was joyful as well.
In short, this last week has been a blur. I miss my grandfather terribly, but I must rejoice in his peace. My mother told me that all my prayers from my former blog were answered. he died in peace, and knowledge of God's love. What else can I be thankful for...I saw my family, I spent quality time with my grandmother, and I have been loved so abundantly by many. I am so grateful!! and now...now it's time to start working again. I love you all and am constantly lifting you up in prayer!! God bless!


Primeramente, gracias a todos que me han llamando y escrito para ofrecer sus oraciones para mi familia. Me ayudo mucho. Okay...algo breve. Fui a columbus, Ohio la sabado pasado. mis padres reunieron con migo en el aeropuerto. Fue tan bueno de verles, pero pobresito mi papi. Ha experimentado mucho en la semana pasado, de cuidar por todo de la funeral de mi abuelo y todo. Pero fue bueno tambien, de ver la paz en los ojos de el...el sabia que mi abuelo esta en un lugar mejor. Bueno, fuimos a ver mi abuela donde vive ella (y vivia mi abuelo). Vive ella en un asylo para los ancianos. pero uno excelente. La gente alla aman los ancianos como sus propios padres. Todos estaban contandonos historias sobre mi abuelo. El estaba haciendo rompecabezas y todos los ancianas estaban encantadas de ver lo. El los puso en marcos, y fue a una tienda en el bus de casa de ancianos hace 3 semanas por la primera vez de comprar su marco solo. Beverly (una de las mujeres que trabaja alla) nos dijo que el dijo cuando regreso "ah, esto fue facile, yo puedo hacer esto." El fue tan orgulloso de hacer para si mismo. Tambien, le dijo de estar segura que cada uno de sus 3 hijos (mi papi, y dos tias) recibien uno de sus rompecabezas para navidad. Pensamos que el sabia que va a morir. Esto me da paz...que el sabia pero no tenia miedo. No se se les dijo esto en mi ultima blog pero mi abuelo se murio con su rosario en un mano, y el mano de mi papa en su otro. El se murio en los brazos de la virgen. Esto me da paz.
Domingo fue la vista del cuerpo y visitacion de la familia. Fue duro de verlo pero bueno tambien. Todo mi familia fue alla, tios, tias, vecinos, sobrinos, todos. Es un mal excuso para tener un reunion de la familia, pero me dio un poco de comodidad. Lunes, fue la funeral. Me dijeron 10 minutos (mas o menos) antes de la misa que quisieron para mi de hacer la eulogoia (no se como se dice...es cuando alguien va a decier cosas sobre la persona que esta muerte). Fue un miedo para mi de estar enfrente de todos tratando de decir sobre la vida de mi abuelo, pero como siempre fue gracia de Dios. Tambien, la misa fue excelente para mi. De ver el incienso levantando a los cielos con nuestros oraciones, de ver el sacerdote (un dominicana ...y bueno amigo de mi director espiritual...que chiquito este mundo) rezando y bendiciendo el ataul, y de recibir a jesus en la eucaristia, y saber en esto momento fue unido con mi abuelo en los cielos. No se, fue otro momento llena de gracia y agradcimiento a Dios por dar me este iglesia, este fe. Ya se (como siempre sabia en la profundidad) que no debemos tener miedo de la muerte. Si vivimos nuestras vidas para Dios, y llena de amor y gozo, podemos morir en paz con el conocimiento que vamos a ver nuestro Dios y creador!
Los siguientos dias fue yo, y mis padres con mi abuela. Yo dormi en el cuarto con ella. Nunca ha vivido sola en 93 anos. Nunca estaba sola. Esto va a ser un cambio grande para ella. Fue duro (porque ella es un poco loca y dificile) pero un gracia tambien. Placticamos por mas que una hora una noche. Sobre so matrimonio, como conocio a mi abuelo, su vida. Todo...se que voy a ser bien feliz que pase este tiempo con ella. Ella me dijo "yo no pense que el va a ir primero. Se que todos mueren, pero no pensamos que va a pasar tan rapido." Rezan por paz en el corazon de ella...creo que esta bien.
Despues fui a Washington DC para celebrar accion de gracia con mis padres, mi hermana, su novio, mi mejor amiga de mi ninez y su familia. Fue bueno. Y llegue con mis padres a charlottesville ayer de pasar el dia con mi hermano y su prometida de ver un partido de futbol americana.
Y hoy...tengo que empezar de estudiar de nuevo. Mi vacacion esta terminado, y esto acercando a mis examenes. Pero mi semana, auque duro, fue llena de gracia, gozo, y amor. entonces auque cosas son duros algunos vezes, este semana me enseno de tener agadecimiento en todos momentos. Estoy en buen salud, con muchas personas que me aman. Que mas puedo querer?? Les queiro a todos, y sigo rezando para uds diaria!! Dios les bendiga!

Thomas Alfred Perone

Just to update everyone, my gradfather passed away last night. with my father at his side and his rosary in his hand. My mother told me that my prayers were answered, that he died in peace. I'm flying to Ohio tomorrow for the funeral on Monday. Please continue to keep my family and the soul of my grandfather in your prayers. His name was Thomas Alfred Perone....Thanks!


Para que sepan, mi abuelo se murio anoche. Mi padre estuvo con el, y el se murio con su rosario en su mano. Mi mama me dijo que mis oraciones fueron contestado, que el se murio en paz. Voy por ohio manana y el eternamiento es Lunes. Por favor, siguen rezando para mi familia y el alma de mi abuelo, se llamaba Thomas Alfred Perone. Gracias!

PLEASE PRAY!! ...REZA POR FAVOR!!

Just recieved news from my mother that my parents got an emergent call last night. my grandfather has fallen and broken his hip. he went into surgery today, he also has metastatic bone cancer...it has spread even farther. Things are very uncertain as for his recovery and where he will have to go depending on what happens. please pray!! My father has flown to Ohio today and will be facing many difficult decisions in the next few days as my grandfathers medical proxy...he will also have to tell my grandmother about my grandfather's cancer because my grandpa never wanted her to know.
Please, please, please pray. My grandparents are wonderful people but so unsure of the truth. They have practiced the catholic faith for 90something years now but aren't sure of Jesus as the living truth. Pray for them to recieve the peace they need, the peace from the blessed mother, and the peace from Christ. To KNOW with all that is in them, that He is real, that HE exists, and that death is nothing to fear. I will do my best to keep you all updated. Thanks!


Porfavor, reza!! Mis padres recibieron una llamada anoche diciendo que mi abuelo se cayo y se rompio su cadera (?)- la parte de su pierna. Bueno, tambien el tiene cancer y ha extendido a otros partes de su cuerpo. Mi abuelo entro cirguia hoy y mi papa volo a Ohio este manana. Por favor, reza. mi padre tiene muchos decisiones de hacer en estos dias, como lo abagado o encargado de mis abuelos. Reza que el puede tener la sabiduria que necesicita. Tambien, el tiene que decir a mi abuela sobre el cancer de mi abuelo, porque mi abuelo no quiso para ella saber. No sabemos que va a pasar...reza por favor!!
Mis abuelos son buena gente. Han practicado la fe catolica para mas que 90 anos. Pero no conocen Jesus como una persona real. En estos anos mas cerca a la muerte mis abuelos han tendido dudas sobre la realidad de los cielos, sobre Jesus. Reza que ellos pueded SABER y CONOCER el amor y realidad de Jesus, y su santa Madre. Que pueden creer el la misericordia de Dios, que El existe, y no hay nada de tener miedo de la muerte. Voy a tratar de darles mas informacion cuando tengo. Gracias!!

pictures from the last few weekends

desumo weekend

St. Greg's Dinner/dance

diving in...

well so much has been going on since my last post. Classes are going well...for the most part. It looks like I'm only going to get 2 A's which kinda sucks but God's in charge. I'm continuing to plod along. I've been out of town almost every weekend for the last month. In Virginia Beach all 3 times. First for Kelli Esposito's baby shower, then the missioners desumo weekend, and this past weekend for the St.Greg's anniversary dinner dance (this picture is from that dinner).

This morning I was up at 6:15am to head into surgery. I watched cardio-thoracic surgery for the last 8 hours and it was INCREDIBLE!! I really enjoyed myself. Everyone was extremely friendly and I know now more than ever that I'm supposed to go into medicine. Please continue to pray for my perseverance. I'm pretty burned out with school and finding it hard to make myself study. But this morning/afternoon was PHENOMENAL!!

On the other list of miracles...I'll update on what St.Gianna is continuing to do in my life. As most of you know I have a devotion to St. Gianna, she picked me 2 years ago when I first entered the missioners chapel in Honduras (although I didn't even know she was there). Well I started shadowing this amazing catholic doctor here in Charlottesville, who I found through the parish bulletin. She (surprise surprise) also has a huge devotion to ST. Gianna. She has been an amazing mentor and Friday afternoons are my favorite time of the week. This being said, I went to work last Friday and she told me she had a surprise for me. A friend of hers had just gone to Rome, she had told her about me and my devotion to St. Gianna. and this friend brought me a RELIC OF ST> GIANNA!!! yes, I'm serious. To get even weirder, this friend of hers (who I have never met) is actually someone I should have met. In August, when I felw to michigan for my Godbaby's baptism, I met this woman on a plane and we began talking. It turns out her daughter is a parishoner at my parish. She gave me her name and told me to contact her (which i never did). This woman's daugher is the same person who brought me my relic!!! I KNOW>>>GOD IS SO GOOD!! Anyway, I have to run. I have to read organic chemistry now. I love you all and am praying for you!! God bless!

Etel's here!! - Etel esta!

Hey everyone...thanks for your prayers. Praise God Etel arrived safely in Louisiana last weekend. Although she didn't know it at the time I had a break from school monday and tuesday and was able to fly down and surprise her at the airport. Alyson, my parents, and I drove to New Orleans and met her. It was wonderful to see her. Sunday my parents and I went to mass with Etel and we went to go visit Mike the tiger at LSU (GO TIGERS)! Monday, Etel and I went to the convent where my father works and the nursing home where she's going to be volunteering. I had to leave for virginia tuesday, but Praise God we had a great visit!! It was such a blessing to see and spend time with Aly and Etel. I continue to thank God for their presence in my life.

Well I'm back here in Charlottesville, studying, and preparing for more exams. God's grace continues to be prevalent...I'm shadowing a wonderful Catholic doctor who is a great example for me. She is a wife, mother, and a doctor, and big surprise she has a devotion to St. Gianna!! God is good...I met with fr. brian (the priest at my parish) on Friday to talk about spiritual direction and we're going to meet again in a few weeks. Please pray for our discernment about God's will! I have to run and study...but I'm praying for you all.

Suffering and Mother Teresa...sufrimento y madre teresa

I was reading my magnificat the other day and there was a wonderful reflection by mother teresa about suffering. (I'm going to include it here). Now as many of you know I'm a big fan of Mother Teresa because in this time of my dark night of the soul (whether self imposed or from God we have still to find out) it does comfort me a little to know that she experienced this darkness for the last 50 years of her life. So I searched the web to find more reflexions about suffering by her...and was surprised to find pages of websites AGAINST mother teresa. Apparently there is a new book that is a compilation of her writings to spiritual directors relaying this darkness that she experienced. People are just saying the worst things about her, that she was a fraud (HUH???) and that she didn't really care for the poor. Basically it's trash...and slander. I was really struggling with this last night and the phrase "you shall know a tree by it's fruits" just kept going in my head...whatever people want to say about mother teresa...let's look at the fruits...poor are dying with a roof over thier heads, the order is growing EXPONENTIALLY, and people have grown in love and charity because of her life and witness. Those look like good fruits to me...so whatever other people want to say about Mother Teresa...I still love her. To continue in faith after such times of darkness...to experience so much suffering and not show it to all the world...well isn't that the witness. I struggle with that greatly at what point hiding my suffering so that it is between just God and I becomes being a hypocrite and a fake...but apparently Mother Teresa struggles with it as well...now I'm not comparing myself to mother teresa...I'm just saying well...I don't really know.
Here's the reflexion I read in Magnificat...

" Suffering has to come because if you look at the cross, he has got his head bending down- he wants to kiss you- and he has both hands open wide- he wants to embrace you. He has his heart opened wide to recieve you. Then when you feel miserable inside, look at the cross and you will know what is happening. Suffering, pain, sorrow, humiliation, feelings of loneliness, are nothing but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close that he can kiss you. Do you understand, brothers, sisters, or whoever you may be? Suffering, pain, humiliation- this ist he kiss of Jesus. At times you come so close to Jesus on the corss that he can kiss you. I once told this to a lady who was suffering very much. She answered, "Tell Jesus not to kiss me- to stop kissing me." That suffering has to come that came in the life of Our Lady, that came in the life of Jesus- it has to come in our life also. Only never put on a long face. Suffering is a gift from God. It is between you and Jesus alone inside...Our total surrender will come today by surrendering even our sins so that we will be poor. "Unless you become a child you cannot come to me." You are too big, too heavy; you cannot be lifted up. We need humility to acknowledge our sin. The knowledge of our sin helps us to rise. "I will get up and go to my Father." " - Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

Blessed Mother Teresa...PRAY FOR US!!!


Bueno el otro dia yo lei un reflexion de madre teresa sobre sufrimiento. Fue excelente. Como la majoria saben me gusta mucho madre teresa, especialmente ahorita. Ahora estoy en mi noche oscura del alma...y me da animo de saber que esta santa experimento esta oscuridad (estoy segura mas profundamente que yo) por mas que 50 anos...y ella fue SANTA! bueno, todavia no estoy segura si esta oscuridad para mi es de Dios o es de mi propio problema pero vamos a ver. Entonces yo fui de buscar mas palabras de madre en el internet...y de mi sorpresa hay paginas de sitios CONTRA madre teresa. Personas estan diciendo cosas feos sobre ella, que ella no hizo nada, que los condiciones en las asylos son horribles...y parece que ya salio un libro de cartas de madre a sus directores espirituales confiando sobre la oscuridad. Personas estan diciendo que ella sabia que fue hypocrita, bueno no voy a decir todo...pero fueron feos. Me di COURAJE!! de golpearlos...pero si las cartas son de ella...que podemos hacer...si ella pensaba que fue hypocrita...y estaba bien preocupada anoche y con frequencia la escritura "vas a saber un arbol de sus frutos" pasaba en mi mente. Y yo pense...no importa que dicen otros personas el diablo siempre va a encontrar maneras de luchar contra Dios, tenemos que ver los frutos de la vida de madre. Cuales son estos frutos, un mundo mas consiente de la responsibilidad a amor y los pobres, alguons pobres han muerto con un techo sobre sus cuerpos, y con amor...y la orden de los misioneros de caridad ha crecido MUCHO!! entonces, sabiamos que ella estaba en la oscuridad espiritualmente, no fue un secreto...no podemos juzgar que Dios ha hecho...nosotros SAbemos que ella fue santa...tenemos que luchar contra los mentiras del diablo en todos formas...y rezar por las personas que son tan perdidos que quieren buscar culpa y cosas malas en todos.

aqui es la reflexion que yo leyi de sufrimiento...

"Sufrimiento tiene que llegar porque si mira la cruz, el tiene su cabeza inclinado- el quiere besarle- el tiene los dos manos abiertos- el quiere abrazarle. El tiene su corazon abierto de recibirle. Entonces cuando siente desesperado adentro, mira la cruz y va a saber que esta pasando. Sufrimiento, dolor, tristeza, humiliacion, sentidos de ser solo, estos son nada menos el bezo de Jesus, un signal que has llegado tan cerca a el que el puede bezarle. Entienden hermanos, hermanas, o cualquier personas son? Sufrimiento, dolor, humiliacion- esto es el bezo de Jesus. Algunos veces pueden llegar tan cerca a Jesus en la cruz que el puede bezarles. Una vez yo dije esto a una mujer que fue sufriendo mucho. Ella me contesto "Diga a Jesus de no bezarme- para besandome!" El sufrimiento tiene que llegar que llego el la vida de Nuestra Senora, que llego en la vida de Jesus- tiene que llegar en nuestros vidas tambien. Solomente, nunca ponga una cara triste. Sufrimiento es un regalo de Dios. Esta entre ud y Jesus solamente adentro...Nuestra abilidad de entregar totalmente a Dios va a llegar hoy atravez de entregar tambien nuestros pecados para que podemos ser pobres. "A menos que seas como un nino no puedes llegar a mi" Ud es tan grande, tan pesado; no puede ser levantado. Necesicitamos humildad para reconocer nuesto pecado. Esta conocimiento de nuestos pecados nos ayuda de levantarnos. "Voy a levantarme y ir a mi Padre." " - Madre Teresa

BEATA MADRE TERSA...RUEGA POR NOSOTROS!!!!

update...resumen

I should start at the beginning...I went to Honduras over break...it was weird but wonderful. I arrived and it was almost like I had never left, like the last three months had been some weird awful dream. I passed 9 days there...blissful with the Lord Jesus every day, and new community members, and my dear sister Etel. But I knew I had to leave, and there was peace. It was a very weird experience to be in "my" house and "my" neighborhood and feel like I wasn't supposed to be there. Not because people didn't want me there...but because it's not where God is calling me to be. So I have peace about being in the US...it's where the Lord has asked me to be. And I had the opportunity to talk with Fr. John Anthony and recieve wonderful direction. I'm so grateful for him and the wisdom that the Lord gives him.

Basically, what I realized (and already knew but it sounds so much better coming from Fr. John) was that I can't expect the same life here that I had in Honduras. I'm in a new place and my faith and it's application will change. I can't pray for 5 hours a day here...it's not logical. There was crying (of course) but in the end...I felt well. Like I was centered. I'm doing the best I can, and if the Lord is farther from me...well then that's where He's put me for right now. I told Fr. John I'm just so tired...that I don't feel like I love the Lord anymore. I just want SO desperately to love the Lord. He reminded me that this is the challenge...it's easy to be faithful when we feel God so close to us...but this is when it's real love...when it's a choice. So I continue to choose Christ!! in the midst of the dryness of the desert I chooose the Lord.

After that trip I went straight to Michigan to be Godmother to my cousin Katie's sons Aiden and Grayson. They're my first God babies and I'm so excited...their existance and baptism is a HUGE blessing, miracle, and wonder for my whole family. PRAISE THE LORD!! I must say it was wonderful to see my cousin, to see how much she's grown and what a wonderful wife and mother she is. I'm SO proud of her!!! and also to see my aunt and uncle, cousins, and of course my parents!! what blessings!!!!

(Me, Doug-the God father, Grayson, Katie, Aiden, Samantha (my other cousin who was also baptised that day), Brandon (katie's husband), Rudy and Rylee (the other God parents))

And now I'm back here in Virginia, studying...struggling but recieving Grace in ABUNDANCE!!! I can't wait to start medical school and God has been placing the most wonderful people in my life. I'm going to be shadowing a wonderful female catholic doctor, and have met two other wondeful catholic doctors...so in short...as always the Lord is providing.

I continue to pray for you all!!!

bueno, en espanol ya! Como saben, fui a Honduras por un descanso. Fue extrano, excelente pero extrano. De estar en "mi" casa, y "mi" barrio y no sentir como fue mio!! No porque la gente no quisen para me de estar...pero mas porque yo se no es donde Dios esta llamandome. Ahora mi vida es como media vida...no estoy VIVIENDO como yo vivia en Honduras. Pero, yo se tambien que mi lugar ahorita no esta en Honduras. Ojala un dia de nuevo, pero cuando yo fui de Honduras yo tenia paz en mi corazon.

Mi tiempo alla fue incredible, de ver mis amigos, mi familia, y hablar con padre juan antonio y padre juan diego especialmente...fue excelente. Yo sentia como fue mas paz y balance en mi vida. Estoy luchando de guardar esto...

Yo llegue para el baptismo de mis hijados...los hijos Aiden y Grayson, de mi prima Katie. Fue excelente de verla como madre y esposa. Soy bien orgullosa de ella!! Fue un ceremonio excelente. (a la derecha: yo y mi prima Katie)

Y ya estoy aqui trabajando y luchando con biologia, quimica organica, y fisica. Dios ha puesto muchos personas en mi vida en estos semanas pasados. Voy a trabajar con una doctora catolica y tengo dos doctores mas con quien tal vez voy a trabajar. Dios es fiel como siempre. Es una lucha pero como siempre yo se esto es donde El me ha llamado...so aqui sigue...trabajando y luchando hasta que El me dices parar!!

Estoy rezando para uds. como siempre!! Les quiero MUCHISIMO!!!

aqui estoy...

well I started school again last week...organic chem, bio, physics, and the labs in one semester. Returned from a 11 day journey to Honduras to regain my soul...and reconnect with God. It seems like forever ago...but I'm at peace with that decision. I'm supposed to be here...no matter how hard it is. God will give me grace and strength...but I must confess i'm already overwhelmed!!! Only God can get me through this...
on a positive note I'm now the proud God mother of my cousin's 2 sons...YAY!! I'll write more and post pictures later...Organic chemistry calls....

finished

Well the year is over...the summer school year at least...finished out my summer with A- in Lab and A- in lecture first semester and a B+ in lab and an A in lecture second semester. Seriously struggling in my faith and my closeness (or lack thereof) with God but am going to Honduras Monday to recharge my batteries...Pray for me as I do for all of you!

Growing in Grace...creciendo en Gracia...and I don't mean in a good way!

well the year is winding down...had my second exam today...my last one next monday and my final on Wednesday. I'm ready to go to Honduras...I need to recharge my batteries and remember why I'm here in the first place...
on a scary note...
while in Honduras I learned about a group called "growing in grace" (creciendo en gracia) They're a frightening group that follows a wealthy man from Puerto Rico who claims to be the anti-christ. I don't know too much but they do things like tatoo 666 on their hands and forheads in green...they are growing sadly enough...they believe many things but from what I've heard...that the letters from St. paul ARE their bible...(negating EVERYTHING else) and that what we do on earth doesn't impact our soul (ie. you can kill anyone you want and it doesn't matter). We met with these people a few times in Honduras and I was always a little scared...
SO the other day I'm on the trolley in Cville with 2 friends and we're talking and a sketchy looking man starts trying to talk with us. He then proceeds to try and give my friend Ashley a cross necklace...she really doesn't want to take it but finally gives in...at this point is when I notice the 666 tattooed on his hand in green...he was part of creciendo en gracia...growing in grace. Which would explain the freaky vibe I got from him...I at this point grabbed my rosary (which thank God is always in my pocket) and started to pray for protection for us and conversion for him. He got off the trolley before us...needless to say Ashley discarded the necklace. I was very startled to see someone from creciendo en gracia in charlottesville...just goes to show how much more we need to pray for the conversion of sinners.

bueno..rusemen...en el bus el otro dia con mis amigas...un hombre empezo hablar con nosotras y intento dar una cadena a mi amiga...en este momento yo vi en su mano en verde un tatuaje de 666!! creciendo en gracia...en este momento yo aggare mi rosaro en mi bolsa y empeze rezar para nosotras y para el tambien. Mi amiga boto la cadena y no habia problemas...nada...pero me asuste de verlo...y recorde de la necesicidad en oracion. Bueno...casi estoy termindada con mis estudios del verano...gracias a dios...vamos a ver que va a pasar!

Tony and Mandy's Wedding

Here's one more picture that was just sent to me by Pat's girlfriend Rebecca...All the previous Honduras long term volunteers that were there. (L to R) Clare Jester, Tony Lashon (the groom), Patrick Gallic, and ME!! If anyone else doesn't recognize Pat Gallic that's okay...I didn't either.

Aqui es una foto mas de la boda...los voluntarios de largo tiempo de Honduras...clara, tony, patricio, y Yo.

went to Tony and mandy's wedding yesterday...all I can say is BEAUTIFUL!! It was a wonderful wedding...their love is tangible. Many missioners were there (including Pat and Clare from 1st generation long term volunteers), Tom and kelli, Marylee, Charice, Mario, Josh, Gidget and Terry, Stefano and Laurie, Bob and Diane, Dave, and many more. It was just a great opportunity to celebrate their love with them and have a good time. I've attached a few pictures of the happy couple...I'll add more when I get a chance.

Fue a la boda de tony ayer...fue bien linda. El amor entre ellos es incridible...gracias a dios! Tambien fue excelente de hablar con patricio y clara y muchos otros misioneros.

voy a poner mas fotos cuando tengo.

Paz...mas o menos...Peace, more or less

well...I went on a personal retreat with the trappist nuns in Crozet Tuesday and wednesday. it's amazing how GOD is SO good all the time. After not doing so well on my exam Monday I really needed the time to figure out why I was so upset...I didn't fail...so why did I feel like a failure. God really showed me my tendency to compare myself to others and to start counting on the world's opinion of me...,instead of trusting in HIS plan. It's amazing because there was a cancelation at the monastery (they only have 2 guest cabins) right before I called for the same night I wanted!!! God is SO good and is always preparing the way for me. So I had a few days of quiet and REST (I slept for 15 hours!!!) and more or less prayerful contemplation...and I finally arrived at peace...whatever my final grade was.

today we started Chem 142...YAY!! and I got my final grade for chem 141 and the lab. A- in both!!!!! Praise God...even when I perform poorly HE is faithful!!! But the best part was that I was prepared for worse and I had peace...knowing that His will is perfect.!!

Our lady of Peace...pray for US!!!!


Bueno...fue a las monjas trappistas en Crozet por un retiro personal. Dios me monstro como estoy cayendo en los metas y retos del mundo...teniendo mas confianza en sus tamanos y ideas de exito que en los de EL. Yo tenia muchos cosas sobre que necesicitaba rezar. Despues de hacer menos que perfecto en mi examen final yo necesicite un descanso. Es otro ejemplo de como Dios esta haciendo el camino enfrente de mi...habia un cancelacion con las monjas dias antes por el mismo dia que yo quise ir. Dios sabia (claro) que yo voy a necesicitar el tiempo en silencio. Entonces yo fue...yo dormi MUCHISIMO (15 horas) y reze...yo llegue con paz en mi corazon no importa las resultados de mis notas.

hoy empezamos Quimica 142...y yo recibi mis notas por quimica 141 y el laboratorio...A- en los dos!!! ALABENLO!!! Cuando yo estoy hacindo bien mal...EL es fiel!! El parte mejor fue que yo estaba lista con paz no importa los resultados...sabiendo que el voluntad de EL es perfecto!

Nuestra Senora de la Paz...Ruega por nosotros!!

Failure is an opportunity for growth...right???

well I failed my final exam in Chemistry today...lowest grade of all of my exams and worth the most. Spent the last few hours crying and am struggling to remember why I'm here and seek God's grace and hand in all this. There is just such an atmosphere of competition...and failure. What am I doing here? why am I so stupid? Is this all just a cruel lesson in humility? I just want to go home... am going on a personal retreat with the trappists in Crozet for the next few days. Hopefully God will speak to me there...Pray for perseverance please...

St. Gianna pray for me...

bueno...fracase mi ultima examen de quimica hoy. My nota mas bajo de todos mis examenes y vale lo mas puntos de todos. Pase los ultimas horas llorando y luchando de recordar porque estoy aqui...y buscar la gracia de Dios y SU mano en todo de esto. Hay un ambiente de competicion tan fuerte...y yo no soy suficiente. Que estoy haciendo aqui? Porque soy tan tonta? Es posible todo esto es un lecion cruel en humildad? Solo quiero regresar a dias mas faciles...cuando me gusto mi misma mas. voy a un retiro personal con monjas por las proximas dias...tal vez Dios va a hablar con mi alla...Rezan para perseverancia porfavor.

Santa Gianna ruega por mi...

Santa Patrona Nueva (en Espanol)

Bueno...por fin tengo un poquito de tiempo de traducir mi ultimo mensaje...tengo un examen lunes (mi ulitma de este clase) y estoy buscando otros cosas de hacer en lugar de estudiar...entonces esto debe ser corto.

La historia es esto...hace algunos semanas yo tenia miedo del tamano de este prueba y trabajo. Estaba hablando con Sally Sargent de mis preocupaciones sobre como voy a estudiar como asi Y casarme Y tener hijos (no importa que ni uno de estos va a pasar pronto). Mas como..no se se vale la pena de seguir en esto si no puedo ser esposa y madre. Y ella me conto sobre una santa...este mujer fue esposa, madre, santa, Y DOCTORA!!! Ella me dijo que no pudria recordar como se llama esta santa pero que buscaria. LA MISMA NOCHE...mi amiga y hermana Jiza me envio una text de telefono "Jenny, estoy rezando para ti a Santa Gianna. Santa, Doctora, Esposa, y Madre". Recuerdan que yo no habia dicho NADA a ella de mi conversacion con Sally. Fue un segnal GIGANTE!! Entonces...Santa Gianna es mi patrona nueva. Fue hacer santa (cannonized??- canonizacion??) de Papa Juan Pablo II.



Estes partes son de un sitio de web http://www.gesuiti.it/moscati/Espanol/Esp~Molla.html
Ella tenia tres hijos y al segundo mes de embarazo con su cuarto hijo le descubren un fibroma que crece cerca del útero y que amenaza su salud y la misma vida del niño. Enseguida se da cuenta, sobre todo por su condición de médico, que delante a ella se pone una dramática alternativa: salvarse o salvar la criatura que está por llegar.Todos, familiares y médicos, han testimoniado unanimemente, su reacción fue la de privilegiar la vida que llevaba en su seno.
El médico al que se dirigió, dice su hermano sacerdote, le dijo claramene: "Si queremos salvar su vida tenemos que interrumpir el embarazo", una respuesta rápida: "Profesor, ¡esto no lo permitiré nunca! ¡Es un pecado matar en el seno materno!»
Se podían preveer tres tipos de intervento, así testimonia su marido: "Una laparatomía total con extracción del fibroma y del útero, que le habría salvado la vida seguro; interupción del embarazo con un aborto y extracción del fibroma, que le habría permitido tener otros hijos; o extracción solo del fibroma sin interrumpir el embarazo.
Gianna escogió esta última solución, la más peligrosa para ella. En aquellos tiempos era prevedible que un parto, después de un intervento de este tipo, fuese muy peligroso para la madre. Y esto Gianna, como médico, lo sabía muy bien."


Ella se murio algunos dias despues del nacimento de su hija Gianna Emanuela.



santa Gianna con sus hijos
un poco mas de su vida...




"Coronando una existencia ejemplar de estudiante, de mujer enpeñada en la comunidad eclesial y de esposa y madre feliz, supo ofrecer en sacrificio su vida para que pudiese vivir la criatura que llevaba en su seno, y que hoy está aquí con nosotros. Ella como médico era consciente de lo que estaba haciendo, pero no se echó atrás ante el sacrificio."
Con estas palabras Juan Pablo II ha resumido la existencia de Gianna Beretta Molla durante la solemne Beatificación el 24 de abril de 1994, año dedicado a la Familia.
Gianna Beretta Molla
"Queremos honrar, dice el Papa, a todas las madres valientes que se dedican sin reservas a la propia familia, que sufren dando a luz a sus hijos, y que esán dispuestas a afrontar cualquier sacrificio para transmitirles los tesoros que tienen dentro de ellas".
Un gesto heroico no nace nunca de la improvisación, como en este caso, es fruto de una larga maduración personal. La familia en la que creció Gianna, profundamente cristiana, fue para todos los hijos el lugar adecuado para que se imprimiese en ellos y en su quehacer de cada día los valores de la fe. Y de este "árbol bueno" han crecido frutos excelentes.
Nació en Magenta, en provincia de Milán (Italia del norte), el 4 de octubre de 1922. Después del Liceo Classico empezó la carrera de Medicina y Cirugia en la Universidad de Pavia. Terminó sus estudios en 1949, se especializó en Ginecologia.
Trabajó siempre con empeño y entusiasmo para corresponder a la Gracia del Señor, apoyándose cada dia en la Eucaristia y en la Palabra de Dios, inserida activamente en Acción Católica, en concreto ayudaba en las actividades de la "san Vincenzo".
El hecho de que decidiese estudiar Medicina no fue una novedad en la familia, pero su decisión era en vista de un apostolado particular: las misiones en América latina colaborando con su hermano sacerdote. Desde mucho tiempo cultivaba el ideal misionario, pero poco a poco se dio cuenta de que otra era la voluntad del Señor para ella, y cuando vio claramente que Dios la llamaba al Matrimonio no vaciló, y el campo de su acción misionaria fue "el prójimo": en su caso los enfermos que cada día iban a su estudio.
Abrió un ambulatorio en Mesero, un pequeño pueblo cerca de Magenta, enseguida se ganó el afecto de la gente del lugar, que apreciaba cada vez más su espíritu de sacrificio y su desinterés.
Su hermana Virginia testimonia: "Necesitaba darse a los más pobres y necesitados, hasta el punto de rechazar la propuesta de su novio de renunciar a su trabajo profesional: la rechazó con decisión, sin miramientos, y después del matrimonio continuo a ir cada tarde al ambulatorio de Mesero".
Otras testimonianzas, como la de la enfermera Luigia Galli, nos dan una idea de "como" Gianna viviese su profesión: "Visitaba y enseñaba a los enfermos. Lo hizo hasta el último mes de embarazo, cuando la llamaban de noche acudía siempre... Continuó asistiendo a los enfermos hasta el día antes de entrar en la clínica para dar a luz su última hija. Si el cliente era pobre, Gianna, no solo hacía la visita médica gratis, sino que también le daba las medicinas o el dinero. Se iba del ambulatorio solo cuando había terminado la última visita. A veces eran ya las nueve y media de la noche."
"Gianna - dice una amiga suya, Mariuccia Parmigiani - con su sonrisa buena y alegre sabía conquistarse completamente las personas que se le acercaban, imprimiendo en ellas una gran confianza..." Y María Barni, de Mesero, confirma su enpeño generoso, que no se limitaba a curas físicas: "Cuando algún enfermo no podia continuar a hacer el mismo tipo de trabajo por motivos de salud, le buscaba otro adaptado a su situación, y en varias ocasiones lo consiguió, sistemó bastantes personas con este tipo de problema".
Gianna Beretta Molla
Los lectores de nuestra revista saben bien el empeño que ponemos en difundir el culto a San José Moscati, el médico santo de Nápoles, y así darlo a conocer, surge espontaneo poner en evidencia en la vida de Gianna Beretta Molla el ejercicio de su profesión, sobre todo porque, como para Moscati, no la veia sólo como un modo como otro cualquiera de trabajar, sino como una forma privilegiada de servicio al prójimo, viendo en ellos el Señor.
Un comportamieno para nada de moda: sabemos bien que hoy en día los enfermos son considerados sólo un "número", incluso a veces una fuente de riqueza. "Hacer bien nuestra parte. Estudia bien tu ciencia. Hay hoy una carrera al dinero - escribe Gianna al inicio de su profesión de médico - hay, desgraciadamente, superficialidad también en nuestro trabajo. Cuidamos los cuerpos pero, muchas veces, sin competencia." Gianna ponía en resalto todo esto en los años cincuenta. Ahora todavía son actuales en un médico estas faltas.
Estas palabras de Gianna nos recuerdan lo que San José Moscati escribía en 1923 a un amigo suyo médico: "Acordaos que no solo os teneis que ocupar del cuerpo, también de las almas que gimendo vienen a vosotros. ¡Cuantos sufrimientos aliviaréis más facilmente con un consejo, yendo al espíritu, mas que con frías recetas que tienen que llevar al farmacéutico! Estad contentos porque mucha será vuestra recompensa, pero tenéis que dar ejemplo a los que os rodean de vuestra cercanía a Dios".
Es la misma recomendación que hace Gianna Beretta al médico cristiano: "No te olvides del alma del enfermo. [...] Tenemos oportunidades que el sacerdote no tiene. Nuestra misión no termina cuando las medicinas no sirven, todavía queda el alma que hay que llevar a Dios. [...] Cada médico tiene que llevar almas a los sacerdotes. ¡Los médicos católicos son necesarios!» Y más adelante dice: "Que Jesús se pueda ver entre nosotros. Que encuentre muchos médicos que se entregen a Él».





bueno...entonces...ella es mi patrona nueva...y debo estudiar si voy a seguir como doctora...les quiero!!

New Patron Saint...nueva santa patrona

So a few days ago I was overwhelmed with the size of the task in front of me, doubting my ability to be a wife, mother, AND doctor (not that I'm any of the three right now)...and Sally Sargent told me about a saint who was all three...but couldn't remember her name. THat SAME NIGHT my friend Jiza texted me and told me she was praying for me to St. Gianna . wife, mother, physician, and saint. God answered my prayers...so faithfully. I very much feel called to adopt this saint as my new patron of study and life. Here's a little more about her...


St. Gianna Molla

October 4, 1922 – April 28, 1962

“If you must choose between me and the baby, no hesitation; Choose—and I demand it—the baby,
Save him!”

Gianna Beretta Molla was an Italian doctor, wife, and mother who refused to have either an abortion or hysterectomy when she was pregnant with her fourth child. Doctors had discovered in the second month of her pregnancy a fibroma tumor in her uterus. As a doctor, Gianna knew the consequences of not fully treating the fibroma. She chose the life of her child over her own.

On the morning of April 21, 1962, a healthy baby girl was born, Gianna Emanuela. Her mother died of septic peritonitis a week after the birth. Gianna was beatified by Pope John Paul II on April 24, 1994, during the international year of the family and was canonized on May 16, 2004.


voy a traducir esto mas tarde...no hay tiempo ahortia...en breve...tengo una santa patrona nueva...santa, doctora, madre, y esposa!! Santa Gianna!

MEME: 8 Random Facts about Me

well Michelle tagged me in her blog...familiahinckley.blogspot.com
so I decided since I finished my lab early and have a few hours to wait before lab lecture (yes Fridays are fun) I'd actually answer it. First the rules:

For this meme, each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog

Fact #1: I'm completely NEUROTIC!! I know this doesn't come as a surprise to most of you but I thought it was important. I worry about the stupidest things...and I spend WAY too much time on it. My therapist calls it ruminating...so yeah...i'm a ruminator. like the terminator but not.

Fact #2: I'm going to be a doctor...well someday. I'm in the post bac pre med program at UVA right now...meaning I'm completely insane. Taking Chemistry, Physics, Organic Chemistry, and Biology plus all their labs in one year...yeah...absolutely NUTS!! Between chemistry, chemistry lab, and chemistry lecture I have no life.

Fact #3: Science is not my forte. Sad to say...especially considering fact number 2. But it's a great opportunity for me to grow in humility and hopefully holiness. God created science...He can teach it to me right?

Fact #4: I'm really starting to like living alone and living in silence. When I first moved into my apartment I got a CD player b/c the silence freaked me out. I never turn it on now. Weird, but true. I don't actually spend a lot of time in my apartment but the time I Do spend there is done in silence.

Fact #5: I REALLY like HUGS!!! One of my favorite things...that and holding babies. All is right with the world when you see that person you really care about and get a nice big hug. I don't think we hug enough in the world...I'm not getting any hugs these days...so maybe I'm turning into an UN hugger. Which would be sad.

Fact #6: I first started doing mission work when I was 14. My first mission trip was to Jamaica my sophomore year of high school with my church. My parents went too...our whole team went to visit the Bob Marley Museum...and I had to ask what that funny smell in the air was (oh how naive). My first cold showers were there..and I was hooked.

Fact #7: I am in love with Honduras. My heart is there...and I wouldn't be the person that I am (albeit strange one that I am) without Honduras. It feels like Honduras was a lifetime ago...not just two months. But so much has happened...about a semester of chemistry actually.

Fact #8: I don't like wearing shoes. I have some cute shoes but my feet just feel so constricted in them now. I only wear flip-flops. Sad but true...I've pretty much changed my wardrobe since Honduras...jeans, tshirts, and flip-flops. I don't know what I'm going to do when winter comes...but I still have a few months.

Sorry if none of those were very deep. My brain is pretty fried from have a 2 hour summary of quantum chemistry physics stuff this morning...nothing better for humility than quantum physics...oh and I'm not tagging anyone because everyone I know who has a blog (all four people) has already done this. Sorry!

Pure Craziness- Pura locura!

well...where do i start? I just started classes last tuesday...not even a week ago...and it feels like it was a month ago. I have had my moments...seriously doubting if I can do this. Covering a chapter of Chemistry a day, a quiz every day, plus 4-6 hrs. of homework a night...and my first exam is Wed. this week. My next exam is next week. What am I doing? It's good for humility to feel so incredibly stupid all the time. The people from my class are great...we've really bonded under the pressure...but they're still not my family yet...perhaps they will be by the end of the year.
So i was in mass last week...crying..praying for the strength to continue in this...doubting my abilities...and then I hear this passage in my heart "I am the LORD, the GOD of ALL creation. Is there anything too difficult for me?" (I don't remember where it's from off the top of my head but it's one of the ones my mom gave me when i went to Honduras). So I realized...God created chemistry...if anyone can teach it to me HE can. So I continue to plod along...struggling but growing daily in discipline and humility. I miss daily mass but there just isn't enough time in the day. I'm in the chemistry building from 7am to about 11pm. But I'm still praying...still trying to live my life how God has asked...and He is faithful. let me repeat...HE IS FAITHFUL!!!!
I still keep pictures of Honduras, people I respect and the reasons I want to be a physician in my books...dr. Carlos and Daysi have kept me going for many days now. I am constantly trying to keep in mind and in focus who i am and why I'm doing this.
Went to virginia beach again this past weekend...saw Graffiti gray with Jamie, Dani, Dan, Josh, and Gretchen. It was wonderful... The Sargents here in C.Ville have been INCREDIBLE...and God continues to open up doors and provide for me here. I know I'm in His will and HE IS FAITHFUL!!! So even in the craziness...I continue on. Please pray for me...as I do for all of you!!


Bueno...un resumen de nuevo. Yo empeze clases este martes pasado...incredible para creer fue hace menos una semana...siento como fue hace meses. Yo he tenido mis momentos...en serio dudando mi abilidad de hacer esto. Cubriendo una capitulo de quimica diaria, una prueba diaria, 4-6 horas de tarea cada noche, y mi primer examen Miercoles de este semana. La proxima en una semana...que estoy haciendo??? Viviendo quimica...y volviendo un poco loca. Es bueno para la humildad de sentir tan tonta (si saulito...abrelo tonta) todo el tiempo...GRACIAS A DIOS!! Pero la gente de mi programa son buenos...sentimos como hemos conocido los demas siempre...es extrano pero un donne de Dios. No son como mis amigos de Honduras...pero son mi salva vida ahorita.
Bueno...estaba en la misa la semana pasado. Llorando...dudando mi abilidad...y claro...rezando. Y escuche en mi corazon este escritura "Yo SOY el Senor. El Dios de TODO creacion. Hay algo que es demasiado dificle para mi?" (no se de donde es en este momento...tal vez de testamento viejo..pero no importa) Y en este momento yo recorde...Dios es el creador de Todo. El me ha puesto aqui...y si alguien puede ensanarme quimica es el persona que lo hizo. Entonces...sigo trabajando...intentando...luchando. Extrano misa diaria pero no hay tiempo. Vivo en la edificio de quimica desde 7am hasta 11pm. Pero estoy rezando...tal vez mas que antes. El es Fiel! puedo repitir DIOS ES FIEL!!! Se estoy donde El quiere...y el va a proveer para me. Estoy guardando fotos de los queridos y los para quien tengo respeto, mis inspiraciones para ser doctora. Tengo fotos en mis libros. Dr. Carlos y Daysi, y otros de las brigadas me han ayudado mucho en estos dias pasado. Estoy intentando siempre de recordar quien soy y porque estoy haciendo esto. Gracias a ellos por sus inspiraciones!!!
Fue a virginia Beach de nuevo este fin de semana...para ver un concierto con Jaime, Dani, Dan, Josh, y Gretchen. Fue bueno. La comunidad alla y aqui es un donne de Dios...estoy tan agradecida a El para darmelos. El esta proveendo para me una comunidad que puede levantarme cuando me caye. lo siento mi espanol es peor...pero estoy intentando de seguir usandolo. voy a empezar en el hospital pronto y ojala voy a tener un oportunidad de usarlo alla.
Entonces..."aun en la tormenta...aun en mi soledad...te alabo...te alabo en verdad.
Aun lejos de los mios...aun ....te alabo...te alabo en verdad!!!"

Les extrano MUCHISIMO todavia...estaba rezando para el pan de vida...ruegan para mi...como estoy rezando para uds. con todo mi ser!! Les quiero mas que puedo decir...

Mi cumple!!!

bueno...GRACIAS A TODOS POR SUS MENSAJES POR MI CUMPLEANOS!! Fue bueno...pase el dia con marylee y meghan...almuerzo un pastel (y meghan puso pastel en mi cara) y cena en la noche con mi hermana...

Estoy en mi apartamento y todo esta cheque...me gusta y parece como un centro de Honduras...todos mis fotos son el la pared. Quiero guardarles en mi mente y corazon. Disculpame por no escribirles mucho...no tengo un compu ni internet todavia entonces es dificile de escribirles. Pero ojala pronto! mi cena de cumpleanos con mi gallo de cumpleanos Javier!

Tenia mi orientacion ayer y anteayer. La gente son buena gente. Pero va a ser un ano durisimo! Los del ano pasado nos dijeron que fue el ano mas duro de todo sus vidas. Tengo un poco de miedo pero estoy donde Dios me ha puesto. Entonces CONFIAR EN TI!!

EStaba rezando para uds. y el pan de vida...voy a escribir mas cuando puedo. Voy a empezar mis clases martes y mi primer examen en una semana. Por favor rezan para mi!!!

THANKS FOR MY BIRTHDAY WISHES! My birthday was good...lunch with friends and cake, and dinner with my sister. Long story short...I'm in my apartment now...adjusting to c.ville. I'll start classes Tuesday and my first test is in a week...I'm extremely nervous about my ability to do this but it's where God has called me so I must trust that He will give me the grace to do it. Please pray. AS for communication. I still don't have a comptuer or internet so please have patience with my communication. I LOVE YOU ALL!!

hangin out at the plex...look at all these great people...they're weird but cool...Priase God for new friends!

Pentecost and the Gifts of God

HAPPY PENTECOST!!!
On pentecost with the holy spirit filling their hearts the disciples left the upper room...and began to preach to all the nations. Full of God's grace and the holy spirit I now do the same. I leave my fears behind and begin to do His holy and gracious will. I can no longer fear why I'm here or if I will succeed. I now only trust that I am in God's will and all that I do will be blessed by HIm. In my first few weeks in Virginia He has made His blessings to me so apparent.
A quick recap. Moved to Virginia last friday. (over a week ago). Spent a week full of getting
the essentials...a car, bank account, and cell phone. Crazy things but unfortunately necessary. Went to my sisters graduation and was inspired looking at the medical students graduating...that will be me in a few years (God willing). I have definitely struggled in the last few weeks...there is such a desperation in the united states. I am constantly astonished while walking down the street to see the emptiness of the souls around me...desperately searching for something and looking in all the wrong places. But perhaps that is my mission here to be a light of truth and hope in what can be a hopeless world. All I know is that Imiss Honduras...but I am in God's will and HE is my strength and all I need.
I have already been in touch with some great people in C.Ville and am looking forward to seeing how Missioners can grow there in abundance. There is a thirst for the truth and God willing I can be a part of that. A part of the "I thirst..." movement to as my brother has said...to enter into the wounds...not just the woundedness of others but also the holes in my own heart and soul. To let God continue to challenge me and strengthen me in this new phase of my life. Sorry...getting a little abstract.
I have left Charlottesville for a few days and now am in Virginia Beach. God is so faithful and great to me. What a privledge and honor to be surrounded by such holy people and to be challenged here. As much as I miss Honduras and as hard as this is...I trust in God. He is already providing the support and friendship and fellowship that I need to survive. He is so faithful!! Praise HIM!!!
Not too much more to report...struggling but surviving by the Grace of God! Please continue to pray for and with me.


FeLIZ PENTECOSTES~~
Los discipulos salieron del sala arriba con la gracia y inspiracion del espiritu santo para predicar el evangelio. Ya con la gracia de Dios yo voy a hacer la misma cosa. Ya lleno del espiritu santo yo voy a dejar mis miedos para hacer la santa voluntad de Dios. NO mas puedo tener miedo de porque estoy aqui o que voy a fracasar...se que estoy en el voluntad de Dios y tengo que seguir en fe con lo que El esta preguntandome. En mis primeros semanas en Virginia El me ha monstrado sus bendiciones.
Bueno...un resumen. Yo llegue en Virginia hace mas que una semana...mis primeros dias eran llenos de cosas practicas. Comprando un carro, encontrando una cuenta de cheque, un cellular, apartamento...muchos cosas..pero necesicarios. Fue al graduacion de mi hermana y fue inspirado de ver los alumos de universidad de medicina...va a ser yo en algunos anos!!
Es bien cierto...yo he luchado MUcHO en los semanas pasado en EEUU. Hay un desperacion aqui que es tan claro. Un vacilidad de corazon y de alma que duele de ver. Personas tan solos y perdidos buscando la felicidad en cosas y personas y llegando vacio. Es posible de ver la oscuridad aqui...algunos veces me da miedo de ver que tanto control tiene el diablo aqui...pero me da un proposito. Tal vez parte de mi trabajo aqui es de ser una luz de verdad y esperanza en este mundo. Yo rezo que puedo tener la fuerza para hacerlo. Solo se que extrano a Honduras y todos uds. MUCHISIMO....pero se tambien que estoy donde Dios quiere y EL va a estrecharme en maneras nuevos este ano. El es mi fuerza...y El es suficiente para mi...
Ya es tiempo de entrar en los heridas de cristo...de permitirle de monstrarme mis heridas y ayudarme de estar presente por los demas.
Mas que todo Dios me ha monstrado que no estoy sola...El me ha dado comunidades en Cville, Richmond y Virginia Beach. Estoy en Virginia Beach ahorita...y gracias a Dios por los personas que me ha dado...Una comunidad para apollarme. NO es lo mismo...y es un transition bien duro todavia...les extrano...pero aqui estoy...con la fuerza de Dios y la inspiracion del Espiritu Santo. Aqui Dios esta fortalezandome por la viaje que viene. Voy a empezar clases 12 de Junio...por favor rezan para mi.. Va a ser un ano bien duro para mi de estudios...tengo la tentacion de miedo...pero me paro y rezo y confio en Dios.
Alabenlo!!! Dios es Fiel! Estoy rezando por cada uno de uds. Les extrano y les quiero!! Es una lucha pero Dios esta con migo...y nunca va a dejarme! Hay momentos de lagrimas por la transicion pero hay momentos de vez en cuando de gozo. Les quiero!

today we leave for virginia...had a great talk with my spiritual director yesterday and a few wonderful times with Alyson. Will see Brittany tonight...really I am at peace. God is pouring His grace out on me in abundance. Please continue to pray that I will be challenged and be able to live IN the world without being OF the world.

Hoy salimos para Virginia...tuve un reunion buenisima con mi directora espiritual...y algunas noches excelentes con alyson. Voy a ver Brittany y su mama esta noche...y realmente estoy en paz. Dios esta dandome su Gracia en abundancia. Porfavor, ruegan que puedo vivir EN el mundo sino de SER del mundo. Estoy emocionada de empezar mi programa...con miedo pero tambien con paz en mi corazon. DIOS ES FIEL!! y estoy donde El quiere. Les quiero y extrano mucho! Esto es uno paso mas cerca de regresar a Honduras.

fears / miedos

well I've been here for less than a week now...and haven't really ventured outside my comfort zone yet. This is easier than I thought it would be...I don't know if that's because I was here earlier this year or if God is giving me lots of grace...or if I'm reverting back to the materialistic person that I was before. I pray it's any one of the options except the third. I thought I would struggle more than this...I thought it would be harder...but maybe...I don't know. It's hard at moments...there are times I miss my community so much it hurts...but in part I think it still feels like a vacation and that I'm going to go back. I think the hard part is going to come when I start school again.
Yesterday we went to Beau Rivage for mothers day brunch (it's what my mom wanted to do) that was DEFINITELY overwhelming...and sad. All these people staring at machines trying to win more money...women in no clothing...ugh...definitely out of my element. I prayed a rosary in line and made it through. But such another example of extravagance and hopelessness in America. It was one of the saddest things I've seen in a long time...right up there with Houston International Airport.
But as always...God's grace is here...as long as I stay in the palms of his wounded hands I will be fine.

bueno...he estado aqui por menos que una semana ya...y estoy un poco disilusionada. Yo pense que va a ser mas duro que esto...tengo miedo que no es tan duro porque estoy convertiendo a ser la mujer que era antes...y no quiero esto. Ojala no es tan duro porque no estoy saliendo de mi casa mucho estos dias...quiero luchar...quiero ser extrema...quiero ser una luz para Jesus. Tengo miedo de tantos cosas pero estoy dandoles a Dios...visitandolo en la santisima diaria...Ruegan por mi que Dios puede seguir dandome luchas y cosas para que no soy commoda. no quiero ser commoda...No se...no se nada ahora...menos que extrano a Honduras mucho. Pero Dios me ha llamado aqui. La gracia de Dios esta aqui...y si quedo en las llagas de Jesus todo saldra bien...


todo saldra bien...
todo saldra bien...
en la paz del senor, saldra bien....saldra bien...

Les extrano MUCHISIMO!!! Son mi corazon todavia....

photos de mi despedida....going away party pictures...

Me and my parents when they surprised me in Honduras!

Yo y mis padres cuando ellos me sorpriendieron alla en Honduras.

my wonderful community praying for me

mi comunidad incredible rezando por mi

just to explain the title of the blog Jenny en este lugar...there's song in spanish that's called "llene este lugar" but when sung sounds like Jenny este lugar, and the song talks about asking God to fill this place. So I ask God to fill my heart and whatever place I'm at! Dios lleneme y este lugar!!

okay...voy a ententar a hacer esto en los dos idiomas. Llegamos aqui a las 10 en la noche despues de un despedida triste en el aerpuerto (gracias a Raul, Marissa, y Jimena por llegar) y un poco del Gozo del Senor entrando en seguridad. Tuvimos que esperar en el vuelo por 3 horas en Teguc porque habia un problema con el avion. jajajaja...es mi suerte con viajes.

Un resumen...estoy luchando. Era un shock de llegar en Houston. Todo la gente corriendo en todos partes, placticando en sus cellulares, enojados y en sus propios mundos. No se como voy a vivir en este mundo..y tengo miedo que voy a vivir tranquilo en este mundo. Quiero ser incomoda....debo ser incomoda.

Pero Dios esta dandome las personas que necesicito. Fui a misa Miercoles en la manana...y que paz...Jesus es lo mismo en todos partes del mundo!!! una cosa no cambio!!! Y durante la segnal de la paz yo mire detras..y alli estuvo mi directora espiritual!!! ALABENLO!!! Dios es fiel!!

Yo pase anoche con Alyson y estoy TAN agradecida a Dios por ponerla en mi vida.

Estoy luchando...pero estoy donde Dios quiere...lagrimas y todo, tengo que cumplir la voluntad de Dios. El tiene planes mejores que los mios. Les extrano mucho pero yo se que Dios va a estrecharme en estes anos!!

ten compasion con migo no tengo letras en espanol y no tengo que escribir en espanol mucho!!!

les extrano y les quiero!!

Aqui Estoy

I've decided to start a blog to keep everyone updated on the craziness that is my life these days. So I'll start with my return to the states.
I arrived in Baton Rouge at 10pm Tuesday night after a sad goodbye with Carol, Roger, Raul, Marissa, and Jimena (but complete with El Gozo del Senor in the airport) and a three hour delay at the gate in Teguc because the engine wasn't working right. I don't think I'll ever get used to being in airports again. Landing in Houston made me cry. Everyone running around on computers and cell phones. Everyone in a rush and looking so unhappy. Is this what we've really become as a culture? I can't lie...I don't want to be a part of it.
I honestly am doing okay...not great but okay. My first instinct was to get back on the next flight to Teguc but I know I'm where God is asking me to be. This move to virginia will make me stretch in ways I haven't stretched before. I know God is going before me and that I will continue to grow in discipline and holiness becasue of this transition. But at the same time I'm scared...so I keep repeating to myself..."Jesus, I trust in you and what you are doing in my life..." He's in control my job is to say "Yes Lord".
God is good and has been providing me with the support I need. Wednesday morning at mass I was praying for help and turned around and there was my spiritual director!! Praise the Lord for those random gifts of grace. I'm so grateful for the presence of Alyson and Britt here I know I'd be volviendo loca without them.
I'm only in Baton Rouge for a week before heading out to Virginia where the real test begins to live in the world and not be OF the world. Pray for me that I can continue to be uncomfortable and grow in this environment. God is in control!!!