MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Well it's hard to believe that it's Christmas already. I must confess this year more than ever I feel completely unprepared. Advent has flown by in a flurry of working and preparing for Alyson and Jesse's wedding. Monday at the hospital where I work we had Christmas mass (yes weird I know) and I had this horrible sense of fear. I kept saying in my head..."NO...YOU CAN'T CELEBRATE CHRISMAS MASS YET...I'M NOT READY!!! " This got me thinking...I'm not ready. Are any of us really ready? What do I need to do to get ready? How do I know if I'm ready??

I'm overwhelmed by this world so often. I sit here in my office listening to my coworkers and their anger and pain overwhelms me. Last night at work we lost a baby. A 2 year old girl was hit by a car and she died in our ER. I told my coworkers about it today and proceeded to tell them about Steven Curtis Chapmans family. One of my coworkers proceeded to tell me that she would die if one of her children died. I know I don't have children yet and I can't understand that kind of love...but I pray that God would give me hope and joy even in the midst of that kind of suffering. During this Christmas season I think of Mary, I think of her hardships and and that she endured to bring to life the son of God. She suffered...and she suffered greatly. Yet she never complained and never spoke against the Lord. I don't really know where I'm going with this except that recently I've been given the grace to understand and see my nothingness even more. The Lord is God...He created all things and who are we to question His will or His plan. Sometimes things suck...but like the Blessed Mother our souls should magnify the Lord. What greater witness of love is there than to Love the Lord and serve Him even in the midst of things that in the worlds eyes would crush you.

Isnt' that why Christ came? to give us HOPE!!! So I guess that's what I'm praying for this Christmas season...that all those without Hope or joy may find it in the birth of God made Man. If we believe that Jesus is God then His birth should fill us with wonder...God chose to come to us...God CARES FOR US!!! HE WILL NOT LET ANYTHING HARM US...HE WILL WITHHOLD NOTHING GOOD FROM US...NOT EVEN HIS OWN SON!! THEREFORE...LET NOTHING DISTURB YOU AND NOTHING DISTRESS YOU!!

I still don't know if I'm ready for Christmas but I pray that the Lord may have mercy on me and see the desire of my heart to love Him and know Him more closely and intimately!

So I pray for all of you this Christmas season...HOPE and JOY in abundance and in all circumstances!! That God's love may inundate your hearts and fill you with all grace and Joy!! Practice the art of being in God's presence....then when He comes may He find us ready and waiting in HOPEFUL anticipation!!

The End of the World

well Obama has won...now my coworkers are talking about the end of the world. This conversation seems to come up a lot these days. There are apparently numerous prophecies that the world will end December 2012. I shouldn't be afraid but I think we are always afraid about what we cannot see. I shouldn't be attached to this world but in part I am. I like life, I want to get married and have children, but I also recognize that to live with God in eternal joy is even better. I need to keep it all in perspective I know.

so back to Obama. There is much to fear yes, but we cannot let this ruin our faith. What the devil wants more than anything is for us to turn away from God and think "what's the point in praying if it all turns out for nothing?" Well God has answered our prayers- He just said no. So last night I got off of work and I was upset and I went home and prayed and the response I got when I opened my Bible was Psalm 4.

Psalm 4
1 Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.


2 How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame [a] ?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods [b] ?

3 Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD will hear when I call to him.

4 In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.

5 Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the LORD.

6 Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.

7 You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.

8 I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.


Basically our hope and our lives lie in God. Regardless of what happens we need to cling to Him. God is in control and we need to continue to fast and pray and trust in God's providence. If the Lord asks it we shall give up our lives for the truth. So I say...PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST NOW AND FOREVER!!

AMDG

I'M GOING TO BE A DOCTOR!!! VOY A SER DOCTORA!!

Well I have GREAT news!! God is faithful (big surprise)!!! I received my first medical school admission yesterday. This is really remarkable because Wednesday was the first day that they could send out acceptances and mine was postmarked before that. So they actually want me to go to school there!! PRAISE JESUS!!! So, as of right now I have been accepted to Louisiana State University -New Orleans!!

I really liked LSU-NO when I visited. As of now I have interviewed at LSU-NO, Tulane, and Loyola Chicago. I'm going to interview at Georgetown, New York Medical College, and Eastern Virginia Medical School. The most exciting thing is that the burden has been lifted!!! I'm GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!

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ayer recibi mi entrada a la Universidad de medicina!!! Tengo algunas intervistas todavia pero lo mas importante es que ya se que voy a ser doctora!!! GRACIAS A DIOS!! GLORIA A DIOS!!!

y gracias por sus oraciones!!!

i miss Honduras

I miss Honduras. I miss Honduras so much it hurts sometimes. Last week I was picking out pictures to put in my office. As I began to go through my pictures of Honduras a wave of sadness flowed over me. I sat in my closet flipping through 2 years of my life feeling like it was a lifetime ago. As I flipped I saw friends, family, and joy greater than I had ever known....and I began to cry. I sat in my closet for close to 45 minutes crying and praying. Some days I wonder what I'm doing here...some days I just want to run back to Honduras where life had joy, and purpose...where I was close to God. Yet I know that I'm supposed to be here. But it's hard...I feel like I'm losing myself and worse yet..>I'm losing God!! I miss Honduras so much it hurts!! I miss who I was when I was there and I miss the joy I had.
Things here are so complicated...so difficult and so depressing. With this new economic crisis and the upcoming election for president in the US I fear that it really is the end of the world. As much as I fear all of that I look forward to it at the same time. I see the world around me and I pray "maranatha" or "come quickly Lord Jesus". I know things were complicated in Honduras...but they were complicated in such a different way. I don't know...maybe I'm just discouraged...all I know is that I miss Honduras.

Pray for me...as I do for you. Together may we arrive in heaven!!

Life

Well it's been a while since I've written...I guess I just haven't felt like it. So much has happened...and so much continues to plague my thoughts. I moved from Virginia..I had a WONDERFUL time saying goodbye to my friends (I'll post pictures later). Then I spent 2 weeks in Italy with my wonderful sister Etel and my parents. (I'll also post pictures of that later) Italy was amazing for many reasons, first of all it was italy...how could it not be amazing. Second of all, I feel like I started to reconnect with God. I began to pray again...don't get me wrong..I'm still far from where I should be but I feel that He wooed me while I was there. He showed me just how much He loves me. It was wonderful.
So I returned home to devestation fromHurricane Gustav. My family and home are fine but many other places (including our beach house) are not. I started work and am now in the full swing of things. It's a fast paced environment and working 2 jobs is a little strenuous. Yesterday and today I will be working from 8-5 in my normal job and then 6-10pm at the ER. It's a little crazy!!! But it's also a good glimpse and life from here on out.
The exciting news is that I have been offered 4 interviews at medical schools. This month I will be interviewing at Tulane, and Louisiana State University in New Orleans. Next month I'll be in interviewing at Georgetown, and then in November I'll be interviewing at New York Medical College. (also in November I'll be visiting Honduras with my mother to see my friend graduate from school!!!).
All in all life is good...I have no complaints...I'm still learning to live again and I'm still praying for you all!! God bless!

Reflections on Life

Well it's hard to believe that in less than a week I will be done with my post-bac program. Today is Wednesday, and on Friday the movers come to store my stuff, and I'm packing what can fit in my little car for the next few weeks until I'm back in Baton Rouge. Monday is my orgo lab final and I'm incredibly unprepared for it. I'm realizing just how much work I have to do, and yet still not doing it. In two weeks I will again be a resident of Louisiana, with a real paying job and real responsibilities. Meanwhile, I'm continuing to work on my secondary applications for medical school and praying for grace and wisdom in this process.

Needless to say, with all these changes I've been prompted to reflect a bit. Last Friday I was getting ready for work and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror...I couldn't help but think "wow...how things have changed in a year. What a far cry from a missionary I am now." I think it's a number of things but I know that I have changed. I've found not only my outward apperance but also my soul and my demeanor.

While I Honduras I worked hard on talking less and listening more. On being aware of how I was percieved by other people and becoming less bossy and demanding. Here in the states I've returned to the bossy, center of attention, rude person that I was before. And I can't tell you how much it saddens me. I want so desperately to be holy, to be humble, and to be gentle. Yet, I still fail to be quiet. I see myself succumbing to stress, and anxiety and lashing out at others. Failing to be a witness of Christ's love daily in my thoughts, words, and actions. I have also found myself change in apperance. I can rationalize some of it by saying, well I'm going to be a doctor and I have to look presentable. To an extent it's true, but it still surprises me when I look in the mirror and see someone else staring back at me. The worst part is that I fear I've lost my joy, and my ability to be a friend. I've been so focused on myself and what I needed to do this year that I wonder if I can actually have real friendships and conversations again. I don't know if I can...and that scares me. It scares me that I want to spend most of my time alone now and not talking to people because I just don't feel like it. It's such a hard thing to explain...the lonliness and the detachment.

I don't mean to imply that this year has been all bad. I still get a rush every time I walk into the hospital. I'm still fascinated and enthralled with the science of medicine and there is still a certain amount of pride when I realize that I'm going to be a doctor. And now that my MCAT is back and my secondary applications are coming in it's starting to be more and more real...I will be a doctor. That excites me..and it scares me all at the same time.

I don't really know the point of all this...I guess just to reflect on how much I've changed. It seems like my life in Honduras was a different lifetime and a different person. I still yearn to be back there...and yet I wonder if I can ever go back or if I was ever really there. I doubt that anyone there would recognize me anymore...so drastically have I changed. And maybe I haven't changed much externally...but I can't even explain how different and foreign I feel internally. I feel like I have aged many years in the last 15 months and yet at the same time I fear how fast life is moving. And worse yet, I fear that I'm not living life but only watching it. It goes by so fast...

So I'll return to Louisiana to find myself again and spend the year working. First I'm going to Fredericksburg and Virginia Beach and Richmond to say my good-bye's. Then back to Louisiana to be with my family and start my job. Please pray for me and I will continue to pray for you.

MCAT and my birthday...el MCAT y mi cumpleanos

So I've begun the final countdown. A week from yesterday is the date of my MCAT (the Medical College Admissions Test). I continue to study hard, relax a little, and beg for everyone's prayers and intercession. For the moment I have a surprising amount of peace...(that might be because I'm trying to not think about it too much) nonetheless, prayers are greatly appreciated. I have to believe that since I have done all that I can do, the Lord will do the rest.

I have entrusted my MCAT, as well as the rest of my life, to the blessed Virgin Mary. Since doing my consecration to her over a year ago, so much has changed in my life, and for the better. I know that she wants the best for me, because she wants what her son wants and as my spiritual director always says "jenny, just remember this equation: God's will= my true good." So, I have consecrated and given over all of it to her...trusting that all will be well. I am praying a novena to Our Lady and invite all of you to pray with me. (obviously not the novena b/c my test is in 6 days). But still...please keep me in your prayers on Friday, June 13th at 8am Central Time until 1pm central time.

Also, yesterday was my 25th birthday...a little traumatic to be a quarter of a century and spend it in the medical school library...but I have a feeling that that is what much of my life will be like from now on and I accept it. If that is the cross God has given me I understand and embrace it. So, other than studying and freaking out occasionally, that is pretty much all there is to my life. You all remain in my thoughts and prayers...and please keep me in yours. God bless!

(some friends from my program and I on my birthday; yo con algunos amigos de mi programa en el dia de mi cumpleanos)

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bueno...he empezado la cuenta final. En 6 dias voy a tomar mi MCAT (Prueba de entrada a la universidad de medicina- ie Medical College Admissions Test). Sigo estudiando dura, relajando a vezes, y mendigar por sus oraciones. Por el momento tengo paz...no se si es porque estoy tratando de no pensar en el examen o si es porque Dios esta dandome una gracia gigante...no me importa. Que es lo mas importante para mi ahora es que puedo guardar la paz en mi corazon. Sus oraciones son importante y estoy bien agradecida a uds por ofrecerles. Tengo que creer que he hecho todo que puedo hacer, y que lo demas esta en el poder y los manos de Dios.

He entregado y consagrado mi MCAT (y mi vida) a la Santisimia Virgin Maria. Desde mi cosagracion a ella hace mas que un ano, mucho ha pasado y cambiado en mi vida. Se que ella esta guiandome y se que ella esta ayudandome de acercar mas a su hijo. Se que la voluntad de ella esta (porsupuesto) lo mismo que la voluntad de su Hijo. Es como mi director espiritual siempre esta diciendome, "jenny, recurda esta equation, La voluntad de Dios= la buena verdadera para mi vida" Entonces, sigo recordando mi misma que todo esta en los manos de Dios. Y he empezado una novena a la Virgin para mi examen. Les pido que rezan para mi a ella, o a San Antonio, Santa Rita, Santa Gianna, San Lucas, o San Raphael para mi examen (o a todos si quieren) Si pueden recordarme en sus oraciones y ayunas mi examen es la proxima Vierenes

Vierenes, 13 de Junio desde la 8 en la manana tiempo central hace la 1 en la tarde.

Tambien, ayer cumple 25 anos. Es estrando de estar 25 y de pasar todo el dia en la bibloteca...pero creo es como mi vida de este punto mas seria...y si esto es la cruz que Dios me ha dado...le acepto con humildad (y quejando de vez en cuando tambien). Entonces, menos estudiando y andando en la misa, esto es mi vida. Por favor, rezand para mi...y uds quedan siempre en mi corazon y mis oraciones. Que Dios les bendiga!!

PRAISE GOD!! final grade count

well for anyone who is keeping track...I must share on my blog because this is just the fulfillment of all that I have prayed for this year (well almost all...kicking butt on the MCAT will be all). Anyway, my final grades for the semester are in and God's faithfullness is clearly seen!!

Organic Chemistry : A+ (quimica organica)
Biology : A (biologia)
Biology Lab : A (laboratorio de biologia)
Physics: A (fisica)
Physics Lab : A- (laboratorio de fisica)

My GPA for this semester is 3.977!!! I promise I'm not saying any of this to gloat...I just really need to rejoice that all my hard work has paid off!! PRAISE GOD!!!! Now off to study for the MCAT!!

solo estaba diciendo mis notas finales...y alabando a Dios!! No estoy tratando de parecer llena de gloria para mi misma...solo estoy contandoles porque estoy TAN agradedcida a Dios! Todo mi trabajo vale la pena ya!! Bueno tengo que irme y estudiar!

oh...and here are some pics...mothers day with the fam and the cutest baby in the world.

(aqui son algunas fotos...dia del madre con mi familia...y el bebe mas lindo en todo el mundo!!)

end of the semester= el fin de semestre

well the semester is over...and God is faithful (big surprise). The biggest and best surprise of all was my 97.5 on my physics final!! I only missed one question!! PRAISE GOD!!! He has been so faithful to me this semester. It looks as though my final grades will be A- (physics lab), A (physics), A+ (organic chemistry), A (Biology), and hopefully an A- in Bio lab. The hard work has paid off!!

My parents were in town for "graduation" this past weekend. It was basically just a dinner but it was great for them to be able to meet all my friends and teachers. I continue studying though as the MCAT is fast approaching (June 13th!!!!). Please continue to keep me in your prayers as you are all in mine.

bueno, el semestre ya esta terminado. y Dios es FIEL!! (que sorpresa) La sorpresa mas grande y incredible es mi 97.5 en mi final de fisica (yo solo perdi una pregunta!!). ALABALO!!! Dios estaba tan fiel este semestre...parece que mis notas finales serian A- (laboratorio de fisica), A (fisica), A+ (quimica organica), A (biologia), y ojala A- en mi laboratorio de biologia. Mi trabajo ya tiene fruta!!

Mis padres estaban aqui el fin de semana pasado para mi "graduacion". NO fue un graduacion verdadero porque no voy a ganar una degree. Pero fue una cena bien linda con mis amigos y profesores. Fue bueno para mis padres de tener la oportunidad de conocer mis amigos y todos. Sigo estudiando porque mi MCAT esta acercando rapido (13 de Junio!!!). Por favor sigen rezando para mi...como yo para uds!

quote for my life right now...cita para mi vida

"One thing Jesus asks of me: that I lean on him; that in him and only in him I put complete trust; that I surrender myself to him unreservedly. Even when all goes wrong and I feel as if I am a ship without a compass, I must give myself completely to him. I must not attempt to control God's action; I must not count the stages in the journey he would have me make. I must not desire a clear perception of my advance upon the road, must not know precisely where I am upon the way of holiness. I ask him to make a saint of me, yet I must leave to him the choice of the saintliness itself and still more the means which leads to it."
-Bl. Teresa of Calcutta

I remind myself of this daily...I beg for holiness but must allow Him to do as He wills. Jesus...I trust in YOU!!

"Una cosa Jesus pregunta de mi: que enclino en El; que el El y solo en El pongo todo mi confianza; que entrego mi misma a El sin reservaciones. Incluso cuando va todo mal y siento como soy barca sin compas, tengo que dar mi misma completamente a El. No puedo intentar controllar los acciones de Dios; yo puedo contar los nieveles de jornada El hizo que tomara. Yo no puedo desear una percepcion claro de mi avance en el camino, no puedo saber precisamente donde estoy en el camino de la santidad. Yo lo pregunto de hacerme una santa, pero tengo que dejarLo de elegir el typo de santidad y ademas, lo camino que me guia a la santidad." - Beata Madre Teresa

no se si la traduccion es correcto pero trato!!

meme

I was tagged by Michelle for this meme...and it's a happy one...so here goes..

Fun Meme

Rules of the meme:
1. Post these rules of the game first.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names. Then the tagger goes to the blogs of those who have been tagged & leaves a comment letting new players know they’ve been tagged. The tagger asks them to find the meme and instructions back at his/her blog.

What I was doing 10 years ago:
10 years ago I was 14, almost fifteen...I would have been finishing my freshmen year in highschool. Right about this time I had just been chosen to be on the dance team and was preparing to finish classes and spending all day preparing for UDA camp over the summer. Other than that I really have no idea!! oh, and I was preparing to go to the Catholic Leadership Institute at Notre Dame over the summer. That's how I got involved with Diocesan Youth Board...I traveled a lot that summer I just don't remember what all I did.

Five things on my To Do List today:
1) read physics chapter on realtivity to prepare for the quiz I have in 2 hours
2) read physics chapter on atomic spectra to prepare for lab tonight
3) say the rosary/ pray
4) study for my organic chemistry exam
5) read about dissecting sheep hearts for lab tomorrow

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1) finish builidng the missioners house in Honduras
2) tithe a lot of money to the church
3) invest
4) buy a house and some land and help daniel and michelle with the catholic couples community
5) support catholic missionaries, and the work of the church everywhere (ie. donate to homeless shelters, schools, etc) Whatever would help the poor the most...

sorry that's not a very good answer but I'm not a billionaire so it's hard for me to say

Three of my bad habits:
1) procrastinating
2) impatience and sarcasm
3) lack of prayer

Five places I have lived:
1) Honolulu, HI- II was born there and lived there for 3 years
2) Baton Rouge, LA- grew up there
3) Boston, MA- went to college there (wooohoo Go EAGLES)
4) Comayagua, Honduras- Catholic missionary there for 2 years
5) Charlottesville, VA- grad school here right now...

Five jobs I’ve had:
so technically I've never had a job because I never get paid for the things I do...but I'll put down some volunteer stuff
1). Catholic missionary in Honduras with Missioners of Christ
2) Children's Special Health Services- worked with the medicare clinic and help do intakes with patients, followed doctors around, pretended to be a med student
3) Assistant at my mom's office in high school- did weighing and measuring, and blood pressures on patients, filed charts, etc
4) Campus School Volunteers, Special Events chair- organized parties for special needs kids...I must say I did a rockin' good job too!!
5) babysitter...still do it...actually get paid for this one...and I LOVE IT!! :)


okay...I don't really have anyone to tag b/c I don't know anyone who michelle didn't already tag...so sorry the meme stops here!

thanks...Gracias!

thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers for this past weekend. It was difficult but joyful time for my family. I got to see my God children and the priest who did the service and my grandmother's last rights, is the same priest who did my grandfather's funeral, AND is good friends with my spiritual director. All in all, it was exhausting but good. It's a very weird experience to realize that that whole generation of my family is now gone. That aspect of my life, my home in Columbus, OH, is now over. I stood in the funeral home looking at my grandmother and it hit me when I touched her. How hard and cold she was. I'll never forget the first time I watched someone die...and this experience was much like that...it just hits you how quickly our lives are over...how little so many other things matter. I don't know...it's difficult to explain. I am extremely grateful however for the time I spent with my grandmother. She was a wonderful woman. As I said in the eulogy I gave, she knew about service to her family. I never heard her complain about anything. She took care of her family well, and loved us extremely well. All that being said, I think she's left quite a legacy...and I will miss her terribly.
The weekend (and I use that term loosely b/c I was there less than 48 hours) was still a blessing. It was wonderful to see my family, and there was much rejoicing over the life that my grandmother (and grandfather) lived. It was really saying goodbye to both of them because my grandfather was cremated and we hadn't buried him yet. So he was placed in the coffin with grandma and we buried them together. I still don't know if I've really processed it yet...it's all very surreal. The cool thing is that because there was a race in town and the streets were blocked off on our procession from the funeral home to the church and then from the church to the cemetary we had to take back roads. It was really appropriate that these back roads miraculously (God incidence) took us by all the places my grandparents loved. We drove by where my grandpa used to work, where grandma worked, their old house (which I had never seen), and the church where they were married 65 years ago. It really was a fitting goodbye for my father and for all of us. Bittersweet if you may.
I do believe however, that my continual encounters with death are part of God's plan. I've lost so many people I love in such a short time (not as compared to some...but more people than I would have liked) that I do believe God uses this to prepare me to accept death espeically with my patients, but also to make me a better doctor. Sorry this post was a little random and not well thought out...it's hard to put my thoughts into words right now.
anyway...please continue to pray for me..I have an organic chemistry exam this week and the semester is nearing to a close...which means the MCAT is closer (AHHH!!). And please continue to pray for the souls of my grandparents, and the conversion of my family.

May we do all for the Glory of God and HIS holy name!! Amen!!

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Gracias a todos por sus oraciones este fin de semana pasado. Fue bien la funeral. Yo llegue en la manana viernes y fue bueno de ver mi familia. Claro fue duro, pero hay bendiciones y paz que llega de la misa, de los sacramentos. Estoy agradecida a Dios de nuevo por ser catolio en estos momentos. El sacerdote quieno hizo la misa y bendicione de ataul fue lo mismo quien hizo la funeral de mi abuelo en noviembre, y tambien el es amigo de mi director espiritual (los dos son dominicanos). Esto fue un bendicion GIGANTE!! Todo fue bien...todavia no se si se realmente que ella esta muerte...estoy agradacedia a Dios que yo tenia tanto tiempo con ella. Yo hize la eulogy (no se como se dice...es cuando alguien durante la misa dice algo en memoria de la vida de la persona quien se murio) y estaba pensando mucho en la vida de mi abuela. Ella sabia como servier su familia y ella sabia como amar. Ella es un buen ejemplo para mi vida...mis abuelos fueron casados por 65 anos...es mucho tiempo...me hace falta ellos...y este fin de semana tenia que despidirme de los dos.
Habia una evento en la ciudad entonces para llega a la iglesia de la lugar de funerales, y al cimitero de la iglesia tuvimos que ir en otros calles. Fue planeado de Dios...pasamos en camino todos los lugares de la ninez de mi papa, y los lugares de las vidas de mis abuelos. El edificio donde trabajaba mi abuelo, la casa viejo de ellos (yo nunca he visto antes), la iglesia donde fueron casados...todos estos lugares. Fue bien...bien...como una manera correcto de despidirnos de mis abuelos y de la ciudad. Los cenizas de mi abuelo fueron puestos en al atul de mi abuela...entonces tuvimos que despidirnos de los dos...y no se si he acceptado todo todavia...pero tengo poco de paz. Me hace falta...y es extrano de pensar que todo esto generacion de mi familia y esta muerte. Y cuando estaba con mi abuela en su atul...me di cuenta que corto esta nuestras vidas. Fue como la pimera vez que yo mire alguien morir....es raro...ver tan rapido cambia. Un momento estan vivos ye el otro estan muertos. Que tan corto son nuestras vidas...
Pero creo que Dios esta usando la muerte de tantos personas quien amo para preparme por mi vocacion. Se que no he perdido tanto como algunas personas pero he perdido mas amigos y personas in mi vida tan corta que muchas personas. Y creo nunca voy a ajustar a esto sentimiento pero creo que Dios esta dandome la gracia de acceptar la muerte y tener esperanza en la media de la muerte...no se. Vamos a ver.
entonces, si pueden seguir rezando para las almas de mis abuelos, y la conversion de mi familia. Y si pueden rezar para mi tambien...tengo examen este semana...y mi ano ya esta casi terminado...y esto significa que la MCAT es mas cerca. Por favor, rezan....
Les quiero y rezo para uds. siempre!!

Que podemos hacer todo por la gloria de Dios y por su santo nombre!!

Grandma...mi abuela

Thank you all for your prayers...my granmother passed away peacefully last night at 1:30am. Please continue to keep her and my family in your prayers.


Gracias por sus oraciones...my abuela se murio anoche a las 1:30 en la manana. Por favor, siguen rezando por la alma de ella y para mi familia. Gracias!!

PLEASE PRAY!! ...REZA POR FAVOR!!

For anyone who reads this I ask your prayers please...my parents called me today to let me know that my grandmother (the wife of my grandfather who passed away in November) who hasn't been doing well, had a massive stoke yesterday morning and is in the hospital. she will probably die within the next few days...and honestly that's what we're hoping for. That she will die peacefully. However, if she doesn't go she will never be able to use the right side of her body again and we will have to find a nursing home to put her in...and a whole lot of other things.
So I ask that you please keep my father in your prayers at this difficult time, and please pray for my grandmother. She has been catholic her whole life but has struggled in the last few years with the idea of dying. She doesn't have peace about death and doesn't believe that there's life after death...it's hard to explain. I fear that her faith has never really reached the profundity of her soul, that it has stayed in the obligatory realm and now when death and eternity are very real and approaching she is afraid. Please pray that God will be merciful and that she will have peace and that the blessed mother will be there to greet her when the time comes. Please pray for God's will in this situation that whenever it is her time He will take her.
My grandmother's name is Mary Ann. Thank you all so much!!



Por los que lean este...por favor rezan para mi abuela. Mi abuela (la esposa de mi abuelo que murio en noviembre) no estaba bien por alguans meses ya, y mis padres me llamaron hoy para decire me que ella teina un movimiento de su cerebro (no se que es la palabra...cuando parte de su cerebro ya no funciona y tiene paralisis de un lado de su cuerpo). Entonces mis padres estan en camino a Ohio de nuevo. La verdad es que probablemente ella va a morir en estos dias...y realmente esperamos que se muere. Ella estaba bien desperado por meses ya despues de la muerte de mi abouelo. Ella esta cansada y no siente que tiene proposito para vivir. Tiene 93 anos...pero...si viviria vamos a necesicitar a encontrar un lugar donde puede vivir porque no va a tener uso de su lado derecho.
Entonces, pido que rezan para mi papi porque de nuevo tiene muchas decisiones de hacer. Y tambien, especialmente rezan para mi abuela. Ha sido catolico todo su vida pero ha luchado en estos anos pasado de acceptar la realidad de la muerte. Su fe no es firme, es debil y no llega de la profundidad de su alma. Por favor, como mi abuelo, rezan que Dios la da la paz. Que ella puede saber, creer, y abrazar la misericordia y amor de Dios. Que ella puede morir en paz y gracia. Tambien, si pueden rezar que ella muere cuando es tiempo. Y que cuando es tiempo que la Virgin sea alla al lado de mi abuela. Gracias....
Mi abuela se llama Maria Anna! Gracias hermanos y hermanas!!


tambien, les prometo que voy a tratar de nuevo de traducir mis posts....es duro de traducir los largos (como estaba escribiendo) pero voy a tratar por lo menos...tambien no sabia si los que lean espanol estaba leyendo mi blog. lo siento diana!! :)

Easter./ Pascua

here are a few photos from easter...God has been so wonderful to bless me with friends here!! :)

(apparently blue was the color of the evening too...I promise we didn't plan that!!)

aqui son algunas fotos de pascua....gracias a Dios para mis amigos aqui!!

the evil of our age...

It seems only appropriate during this most holy time of the year that so many evil things should be happening. I feel as though God is revealing to me more and more the evils and desperation of our society. Yesterday, I had a medical "ethics" class for my program. We began by discussing the rules and regulations regarding what are the requirements for consent and informed consent. For example, in the eyes of the law any person under 18 is not considered capable of making informed medical decisions in any area except one...guess what that is...YUP reproductive rights. I sat in class sickened and perturbed as my professor lauded the confidentiality of children and that it's good they feel safe to be treated for reproductive issues without worrying about their parents. Basically, a 14 year old is not considered capable of deciding whether or not she wants a flu shot (that procedure requires parental consent) but she can be treated for an STD or recieve an abortion without her parents knowledge. DOES THIS STIKE ANYONE ELSE AS COMPLETELY STUPID??? How dare we say that someone who we do not deem capable of medical decisions such as flu shots is capable of making decisions about their sex life. I don't even have the words to express how frustrating and saddening this whole issue is for me.
To top it off there is great controversy right now because the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists issued a statement from their ethics board saying that it was essentially unethical for physicians to refuse to refer patients to another doctor for a procedure they do not morally agree with. Basically, if they were king, all doctors would either have to perform abortions and prescribe birth control, etc. or refer their pts to someone else, or risk losing certification.Therefore, we are responsible for helping others in their autonomous decisions, regardless of whether or not helping them goes agains our moral and ethical code.
This is a particularly interesting part of the NPR article,( I have the actual statement from the ACOG but wont' bore you by posting it here ).

"At issue is an opinion released in November by the ACOG ethics committee. Among other things, it says physicians "have the duty to refer patients in a timely manner to other providers if they do not feel they can in conscience provide the standard reproductive services that patients
request."
Ob/Gyn Wendy Chavkin of Columbia University welcomes the new AGOG ethics statement. She's the immediate past chairwoman of Physicians for Reproductive Choice and Health.
"It says that if a physician has a personal belief that deviates from evidence-based standards of care they have to tell the patient that, and that they do have a duty to refer patients in a timely fashion if they do not feel comfortable providing a given service," Chavkin says.
She says it isn't just about abortion, but also about things like emergency contraception — high doses of regular birth control pills that can prevent pregnancy in most cases if taken within 72 hours. She points to a scenario in which a woman has been raped and shows up at the only health care facility in her area.
"And she comes upon some doctor who thinks that emergency contraception is the equivalent of abortion, which is incorrect, but nonetheless what this individual believes," Chavin says. "What this ACOG statement is saying is she should not be deprived of something that's needed right away to take care of her emergency situation."

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=88552296

It appears that this will not be a part of board certification (which is good) but is still the perspective of the ethics committe of the OBGYNs. Here's what the head said

"We do not restrict access to our exams for anyone applying for initial certification, or maintenance of certification, based on whether they do or do not perform an abortion," Gant
said. "We do not base this upon whether they do or do not refer patients to an abortion provider if they do not choose to do abortions."
Gant said he dictated a letter back to Leavitt to that effect Wednesday. He added that the
board has long respected the fact that its members disagree on the abortion issue — more than a decade ago it removed abortion from the list of cases to be used in oral exams.
On the other hand, Gant, himself an Ob/Gyn, said he personally had no problem with the November ethics statement, particularly the idea that Ob/Gyns should be ethically bound
to provide contraception. " http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=88650797

My professor, by the way, agrees with this decision. He thinks that no one has the right to keep someone else from their "clinically proven good". By the way, there is NO proof that abortions are good for people. convenient perhaps...but NOT good. I think all of us can safely say that a lot of evidence is showing that abortions are in face BAD for women!! (big surprise) and if you wont' go that far...they are to say the least...not considered a medical necessity, right, nor benefical. (eg. it's not like using a respirator for someone who can't breathe). In very few circumstances, is an abortion actually a life or death decision,...more often than not it is convenience.

And then there's this woman in France who was suffering from a horrible disease that disfigured her face and caused her great pain. She petitioned the french government for the right to have her doctor help her die. She didn't want to die slowly in a forced coma and suffer. The slowly part, means it would have taken her 2 weeks to die (not really that long of time) and in a coma because that is what we do to patients with horrible suffering. We drug them up so that they're not really there and they die peacefully. I personally, do not have a problem with this method, patients die without expediting the process. Basically, this woman wanted to have someone help her take her life because she didn't want to suffer. The courts rejected her appeal and petition, and she died last night. They are investigating the causes right now.

This is my problem, and this is why I think it's appropriate that I'm experiencing this during lent...we've forgotten the value of suffering. Admittedly, I am not in that woman's position, but the joy of believing and the joy of catholicism is that there is purpose in the suffering. Jesus suffered horribly, but there was a reason. We are so eager to kill our unborn children so that we don't suffer the inconvenience of being pregnant or raising a child we're not ready for. We help people to die because we dont' want them to suffer. Pope John Paul the great was a perfect witness of how suffering should be seen, he suffered greatly from his parkinsons but did not falter in his belief that he would die when it was his time to die. We are trying to play God, trying to live lives of convenience and without suffering. But that is not what life is about...God has not promised us that we wouldn't suffer...he promised us that we would suffer with a purpose of purification. What if that woman in France had decided, "you know what...this is going to suck but I'm going to offer up all this suffering I'm enduring for the salvation or souls and for my children". WOW>..wouldn't that have been a powerful intercession for her children...for the world. Moreover, who are we as humans to decide who the Lord, the God of all creation, wants to die and when He wants them to die?? that's not OUR decision!!

I am just so baffled by what we value as a society...by what we permit in the name of "good" and "justice". We take birth control and allow our 14 year olds to seek medical treatment for reproductive issues independently because we believe in every one's autonomy...such a world of relativism. WE don't want to suffer or inconvenience anyone. But the truth is, that as Christians, as catholics we have a responsibility to speak out as Jesus himself did, against the relativism and sins of our day and age. I am seeing so clearly the depravity of our society...we have kicked God and truth out of every corner and angle...That is why our society is falling apart...husbands and wives are no longer inviting God to unite them, and marriages are crumbling in divorce. Parent's aren't watching their children, and we as a society are helping their children to escape accountability on so many actions by protecting their "rights". Doctors, lawyers, politicians, we have all fallen into the Devils' trap of individualism and "freedom". The irony is that all this "freedom" has made us slaves of evil and sin. The more I realize all this the more I am saddened, sickened, and frustrated...Our society is blind to the truth...It makes me think of the scripture from 1Timothy 4:1-5

"I charge thee in the sight of God, and of Christ Jesus, who shall judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: 2 preach the word; be urgent in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with all long suffering and teaching. 3 For the time will come when they will not endure the sound doctrine; but, having itching ears, will heap to themselves teachers after their own lusts; 4 and will turn away their ears from the truth, and turn aside unto fables. 5 But be thou sober in all things, suffer hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfil thy ministry." - 1 Timothy 4:1-5

That time is upon us...we have left behind sound doctrine and have embraced our own desires...pray that we all may have the courage to remain strong in the truth and may learn to offer our sufferings for the salvation of souls!! The good news is that the resurrection is Real!! and that after the suffering and tribulations of Good Friday will come the resurrection of Easter Sunday. Pray we may remain strong and fight the good fight to the end!

please forgive the diatribe...I needed to get that off my chest.

Praise be Jesus Christ...Now and Forever!!!

something for Holy week

"We are not required to sacrifice young bulls or rams, beasts with horns, and hoofs that are more dead than alive and devoid of felling; but instead, let us join the choirs of angels in offering God upon his heavenly altar a sacrifice of praise. We must now pass through the first veil and approach the second, turning our eyes toward the Holy of Holies. I will say more: we must sacrifice ourselves to God, each day and in everything we do, accepting all that happens to us for the sake of the Word, imitating his passion by our sufferings, and honoring his blood by shedding our own. We must be ready to be crucified.

If you are a Simon of Cyrene, take up your cross and follow Christ. If you are crucified beside him like one of the thieves, now, like the good thief, acknowledge your God. For your sake, and because of your sin, Christ himself was regarded as a sinner; for his sake, therefore, you must cease to sin. Worship him who was hung on the cross because of you, even if you are hanging there yourself. Derive some benefit from the very shame; purchase salvation with your death. Enter paradise with Jesus, and discover how far you have fallen. Contemplate the glories there, and leave the other scoffing thief to die outside in his blasphemy.

If you are a Joseph of Arimathea, go to the one who ordered his crucifixion, and ask for Christ's body. Make your own expiation for the sins of the whole world. If you are a Nicodemus, like the man who worshiped God by night, bring spices and prepare Christ's body for burial. If you are one of the Marys, or Salome, or Joanna, weep in the early morning. Be the first to see the stone rolled back , and even the angels perhaps, and Jesus himself."
- St. Gregory Nazianzen

this just stuck me the other day...I hope you enjoy it as well. Happy holy week...may this last week draw all of you even closer to the wounded hearts of Jesus and Mary, and may this upcoming Easter season bring you all renewal and joy!

MCAT date change/ Cambia de mi fecha de MCAT

it's official...this morning I changed my MCAT date to June 13th. I've spent a lot of time thinking and praying about this and I know that God and the blessed Mother will still bless me even if I don't take the MCAT on May 31st. I just don't feel ready and decreasing my anxiety right now is a top priority. So, on Friday June 13th (yes I know it's friday the 13th) at 8am CST I'll be taking the MCAT. I ask please for your prayers as I continue to prepare for this, and especially on the 13th of June. I'll be taking it in Baton Rouge so I'll get to stay in my own bed the night before and have my parents and friends with me when it's over. I'll be posting and sending a novena right before the exam that I invite all of you who wish to pray with me. (I need all the grace and assistance possible) Please continue to pray for me, as I do for all of you! God bless!


es oficial...este manana yo cambie la fecha para mi examen de entrada el MCAT. Yo pense y reze mucho sobre este decision y no estoy lista ahora, quiero los 2 semanas mas de preparame. Entonces, my fecha nueva es 13 de Junio. Por favor, si pueden rezar MUCHISIMO para este examen...tengo mucho anxiedad sobre esto y se que necesicito subir esto antes que puedo tomar el examen. Voy a tomarlo en Baton Rouge para que puedo estar con mis padres y amigos despues del examen...creo es un poco menos estress...todavia...porfavor rezan para mi. voy a poner aqui en mi blog, y enviar de correo electronico una novena para mi MCAT si uds quieren rezar la novena con migo seria excelente. Y yo sigo rezando para uds.! Les Quiero mucho! Que Dios les bendiga!!

Renewed- Renovada

I was blessed enough to spend the last 6 days in New York on my spring Break. I arrived saturday morning and etel picked me up from the airport. We were able to hang out at St. Elizabeth's (the volunteer house where she lives) before taking some of their youth to the catholic underground. Then Sunday we slept in before going with Fr. Christopher to the staten Island ferry. Monday morning I met the Hickleys at the Natural History Museum (my biology classes finally came in handy...and I was able to explain to Juan Pablo who eat's what and how) followed by First Vows for some of the friars (and getting to see my two favorite sisters Sister Maria Teresa Hellberg and Sr. Theresa Magdalene Wallyn). And a bunch of other people...then Tuesday and Wednesday were just hanging out with Michelle and the kids. Each morning a little voice and a little hand attached to head would pop it's way into my room and invitably someone would be in my bed to cuddle with me. It was a wonderful week!!

All in all, I had a wonderful break, spiritually and emotionally I feel renewed. For the first time in a long time there were people who SAW me...really saw me for who I am. It was a week full of spiritual conversations and spiritual direction (even if it wasn't intended to be). I am SO grateful to God for having given me such amazing friends!! I feel so renewed and ready to keep going in my studies!! There aren't even words to explain just how much I needed this week and just how much God did through so many people...PRAISE HIM!!

Entonces, fui a Nueva York para mi break. Llegue Sabado y Etel me recogio del aerpuerto. Descansemos por un rato y despues fuimos con algunos de los jovenes con quien trabajan los voluntarios, a catholic underground. Fue excelente!!! Domingo descansemos y despues fuimos con padre cristobol a staten island ferry. Lunes yo fui con los hinckleys al museo y despues al primeros votos de los frailes. Martes, Miercoles, y hoy solo paseando con Michelle y sus hijos. Fue excelentisimo!!

Por la primera vez en meses tenia personas con quien pudira hablar y compartir...personas quien me vean verdaderamente....de pasear con amigos y hablar con los frailes....me renovo...siento como puedo seguir y terminar....Gracias a Dios por este tiempo!! ALABENLO!!

the woman at the well

today's gospel...the woman at the well. A few thoughts on this. The first is that I'm always comforted by how clueless the disciples were. They got back from buying food and offer Jesus some and He tells them he doesn't need any...that He has been fed. and they all wonder if he brought something with him. That's totally something I would do. They are totally clueless for the longest time as to what he's talking about. That he's not talking about rice and beans food. It's kind of like during the transfiguration when Peter says "it's a good thing we're here...we'll set up the tents, one for you, one for elijah, and one for moses" and we read it and think... "yup, I'd be saying that too." I felt like this was another one of those moments and for some reason, that really comforted me today. Maybe because I'm so clueless myself right now...I can practically feel Jesus chastising me some days for my lack of understanding and belief. Aside from that...and more importantly than that what struck me most about today was the homily and the message preached by my pastor (and spiritual director).

The homily today (as well as the magnificat reading) was all about her thirst...what struck me most powerfully was the question fr. Brian posed to the congregation....his whole homily was about her response to the Lord. He spoke of her quest for love and affection, and he asked us "What if she had ignored his request for water? what if she had simply turned around and run home? Where would she be now? More importantly for us...Where would we be now had we not responded to his request to satiate our thirst?"


And I began to cry...thinking



"Where would I be now, WHO would I be now if it wasn't for the Lord? If a little more than 3 years ago I hadn't met Him at the well in Honduras? If I hadn't listened to Him call my name...and if I hadn't responded? "


and I know so clearly (and it has been on my heart so much) that I would be a completely different person.

The samaritan woman had been searching for fulfillment, searching for someone to fill her, that's why she had 5 husbands and was with another man. They continued to move in and out of her life, hurting her and wounding her, but she kept seaching one after the other. Wanting something that was real and that would fill her....and then she met Jesus. "He has told me everything I've done!" She wasn't ashamed...she was in awe...she was joyful. She was filled...and LOVED!!! I am so much like that samaritan woman (except for the 5 husbands)...I too was searching for so long for someone to love me (and to an extent I still am admittedly)...I was searching in the world for something to fill me. And as many of you know I was searching in all the wrong places.

I know, that were it not for the Lord, were it not for Honduras and the amazing conversion that HE moved in me there...I would be a very different person today. I would still be searching, hooking up with random men in bars, drinking, doing everything possible to "have fun" and like before, I would still be crying at the end of the night...alone and ashamed of who I was and what I had done. I am SO grateful that I am not there...that I am not that person. Although I still stumble and fall daily...I am in His grace now and confident in HIs mercy and His love. PRAISE GOD FOR HIS MERCY!!!

Although things are extremely hard right now (and I do beg your prayers for some difficult decisions i have coming up - I'm considering changing my MCAT date and so much more) I know that I am so much happier now than I ever was before. I am filled by HIM...when I am sad or alone I have HIM and HIS blessed mother to run to!! I will never be thirsty again as long as I turn to HIM!! I am so grateful that I was at the well that day...that He spoke to me, and called me to Him. I shudder to think about the darkness that I would be living in right now...and I am compelled even more to pray for all those who have not yet been to the welll...or who are too frightened or ashamed to speak to the one who is waiting there.

During this lenten season let us continue to visit the well daily...let Him tell us all that we have done...and let Him love us and give us water that will forever satiate our thirst...the water of mercy and love flowing from His sacred heart!!


PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST...NOW AND FOREVER!!!



lo siento...no tengo tiempo de traducir ahortia...son las 12:30 en la mananita ahorita y tengo que dormir...una dia bien larga manana. Cuando tengo tiempo voy a traducilo! Gracias y que Dios les bendiga!!

Lent

And so it begins...the holy and dirty time of lent. Holy because hopefully during this season we will draw closer to the Lord. Dirty because it is in realizing what grave sinners and facing our humanity that we are able to draw closer to the Lord. I am realizing my humanity in my doubts and sorrows, and lack of trust in the Lord.

I started Lent with great plans, and continue to try and fulfill my lenten promises...but have realized more and more...my greatest gift to offer is my suffering. It is not suffering as many people know it, not physical suffering like cancer or paralysis. But a spiritual and emotional suffering that some days feels so great. It is the suffering of lonliness, of uncertainty, of drowning. Again, I realize why it is that so many doctors wind up workaholics. There will be no simple life for me...it's impossible. The things that I desire are not in His plan for me right now...so I suffer in expectant anticipation...and trust...and offer it up.

I struggle to trust in Him, to trust His will and plan for my life...but I know I must. If there is one thing I am learning from the blessed mother it is that...complete abandon and trust in the Lord. He knows what He is doing and I must continue even when the waves and the wind are so high that I feel like I am going to drown. So my scripture lately has been from matthew.

"But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and beginning to sink he cried out 'LORD, SAVE ME!' Immediately, Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him and said to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" - Matthew 13:30-31

I am Peter (arent' we all). I do fine until I start looking at the mounds of Kaplan material, the physics, all the things I have to do, and I realize that there just aren't enough hours in the day; and I get frightened by how strong the wind is...and I cry out to be saved...and like Peter, the Lord chastizes me..."oh you of little faith...why did you doubt?" In this time of preparation I challenge myself to not doubt but to trust. I ask the Lord for the grace of trust, and accepting Mercy and Love wherever He chooses to give it.

So this lent, I will offer up all those moments of feeling along...all the moments when I realize that it will be years until I have a real life again...years until I have time for friends or a family. I offer it up...and rejoice at the same time. Because I'm alone I am able to do the will of God more fully...I'm able to be the student and God willing the doctor that He wants me to be. I am able to go to daily mass or adoration at 3am because I don't have a family to worry about. There are blessings in all things....So my goal for lent is to offer up the burdens ("take up my cross daily") and to rejoice in the blessings (however muddled and abstract they may be.

emptying purgatory for lent

so I got this great idea from facebook about one of the things to do during lent. Here's that the facebook group founder has said about it:

The main prayer said in the chaplet (said 50 times) was given to Saint Gertrude by our Lord with the promise that every time it was recited 1000 souls would be released from Purgatory. So praying the chaplet will release 50,000 souls! And if you prayed this chaplet for the 40 days of lent (Sundays will be optional but encouraged) then you will release TWO MILLION souls from Purgatory!!! Imagine if just a few of use got together to do this how many souls we could release into Heaven!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Reasons to do this:

1. Our Lady has asked us to pray for the poor souls in purgatory many times. This was especially clear in her message at Fatima.

2. All of the souls that are released through our prayers or by having Masses said for them are then Saints in Heaven who are immediately extremely powerful advocates for us now and especially at the hour of our death.

3. Our Lord commanded us to love one another. We can do no less charitable thing than to pray for those poor souls in purgatory who can do nothing for themselves.

4. It is more efficacious to pray for the poor souls in purgatory than even to pray for the lowliest sinners here on earth.

5. This chaplet was championed by many great Saints including a Doctor of the Church: Saint Alphonsus Liguouri.

so here's the chaplet if anyone is interested!!

SAINT GERTRUDE THE GREAT CHAPLET

Our Lord told St. Gertrude the Great that the following prayer would release 1,000 Souls from Purgatory each time it is said. The prayer was later extended to includeliving sinners as well.

"ETERNAL FATHER, I OFFER THEE THE MOST PRECIOUS BLOOD OF THY DIVINE SON, JESUS, IN UNION WITH THE MASSES SAID THROUGHOUT THE WORLD TODAY, FOR ALL THE HOLY SOULS IN PURGATORY, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the universal Church, those in my own home and within my family. Amen."

[In one Rosary or chaplet this prayer is said 50 times!]Say this chaplet using regular Rosary beads. Begin with the Apostles' Creed, one Our Father, three Hail Marys and a Glory Be to the Father just as with Our Lady's Rosary.

On the five decades, say the above Prayer for the Holy souls on each Hail Mary bead and the Our Father on each separator bead between the decades.

--------------------------------------

Optional Prayers to add to the recitation of the Chaplet-

To be said after each decade...

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, open the hearts and minds of sinners to the truth and light of God, the Father.Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for the conversion of sinners and the world."

Glory be...

"To be said at the end of each Chaplet...

THANKSGIVING FOR GRACES BESTOWED ON ST. GERTRUDEO most sweet Lord Jesus Christ, I praise, extol and bless Thee, in union with that Heavenly praise which the Divine Persons of the Most Holy trinity mutually render to Each other, and which thence flows down upon Thy Sacred Humanity, upon the Blessed Virgin Mary and upon all the Angels and Saints. And I give Thee thanks for all the graces Thou didst lavish upon Thy beloved spouse, St. Gertrude. I thank Thee especially for that ineffable love wherewith Thou didst pre-elect her from all eternity, didst enrich her so highly, didst draw her so sweetly to Thyself by the strongest bonds of love, didst unite her so blissfully to Thyself, dwell with such delight in her heart, and crown her life with so blessed an end. I recall to Thee now, O most compassionate Jesus, the promise Thou didst make to Thy beloved spouse, that Thou wouldst most assuredly grant the prayers of all who come to Thee through her merits and intercession, in all matters concerning their salvation. I beseech Thee, by Thy most tender love, grant me the grace . . . [mention it] which I confidently expect. Amen.

let's empty purgatory!!! Seamos santos!!

"If it were but known how great is the power of the good souls in Purgatory with the Heart of God, and if we knew all the graces we can obtain through their intercession, they would not be so much forgotten. We must, therefore, pray much for them, that they may pray much for us." --- St. John Vianney

Just a few thoughts...algunas pensiamentos

So I know I've been posting a lot lately...school hasn't really picked up yet so I still have the time. I was reading one of the missioners in Honduras blogs' this morning...and it hurt. There is still such a large part of my soul that misses and yearns for that life again. That yearns for the simple life with the simple, beautiful people of Honduras. Don't get me wrong...as those of you who spoke to and lived with me in Honduras know, things were hard there and I was challenged in SO many ways. But man, was there JOY!! There were so many graces, and every day was a new adventure. I felt like I was DOING something with my life. And I think that's the problem right now....I"m not giving to anyone...I'm not really DOING anything but studying right now. I know that's my vocation and I know it's what I'm supposed to be doing. But it's hard...I miss feeling productive and like I'm giving something back. It was really easy to see at the end of the day in Honduras that you had done something...even if it was just clean the house, or visit the elderly. God was SO clear in the work that we were doing. Here...well here He's much more abstract. It takes effort to see Him in Physics or O-chem. But I'm trying.
I'm still in love with my work...I spent all afternoon yesterday again shadowing the amazing Catholic doctor here in town. I'm most happy when I'm there. To know how weird I am...as I was driving home at 6pm I wanted to stop by the hospital for more shadowing...and the sad part is...it was because I didn't have anything else to do. I see now how doctors become work -a holics. You study so hard that medicine and the hospital become your life...and then when the studying is over you don't have anything else because you've given it all up to become a doctor...so then being a doctor is your life. I wanted to stay at the hospital last night because I didn't have anywhere else to go but home to my empty apartment. That's why I miss Honduras...there was always someone around...always Jesus or something else...But...I still love hospitals...and I know now more than ever that this is my vocation. I just have to continue to trust in the Lord that He will bring me back to Honduras when it is time...and until it is time I have to continue to offer up my sadness at not being there and pray that He will give me the grace to find a balance between work and life.
May the Lord bless us and give us strength today and may we remember always to pray for the missions...the people who are doing what the rest of us can only dream about doing!


bueno...se que estoy escribiendo mucho en mi blog estos dias...mis estudios son pocos ahorita y tengo el tiempo. Estaba leyendo el blog de uno de los misioneros en Honduras este manana ...y duele en mi corazon. Hay un parte gigante todavia que quiere estar en Honduras. Mi alma hace falta esta vida...esta trabajo. Que queire estar de nuevo con la gente de Honduras. Entienden bien...los quien estaba con migo en Honduras saben...habian muchos dificultades para mi alla y yo fue cambiado en muchas maneras. Pero habia GOZO en abundancia!! Habia gracia y cada dia fue un adventura nueva. Senti como estaba HACIENDO algo. Y creo es el problema ahora...no siento que estoy haciendo nada menos estudiando...no estoy dando mi misma a nadie. Y se que es mi vocacion ahora de estudiar pero duele y es duro. Me hace falta sentir como hize algo durante el dia. En Honduras fue facil de ver que hize durante el dia, muchas vezes fue algo bien facil como limpiar la casa o visita los viejos. Dios fue CLARO en el trabajo que tuvimos. Es tan mas duro de verlo en quimica organica o fisica. Pero estoy tratando.
Todavia estoy enamorado con mi trabajo. Fue de nuevo ayer para seguir con la doctora catolica aqui y encanto el trabajo y mis companeros de trabajo alla. Son bendiciones de Dios! (y ayer yo traduje para un pareja de Mexico...malisimo...van a reir uds. cuando regresara a Honduras porque casi no puedo hablar ya! lo siento) Estoy lo mas feliz cuando estoy en la clinica o el hospital es como tengo una vida real. Estoy es que extrano soy yo...cuando estaba manejando a mi casa anoche como a las 6 pase por el hospital y quise entrara y seguir trabajando alla (no puedo...no tengo un trabajo alla). El parte triste es que yo quise hacer esto porque no tenia nada mejor de hacer anoche! Ya entiendo como los doctores cayen en el rythmo de trabajar demasiado...durante de sus estudios medicina y el hospital son su vida...y despues cuando son doctores se dan cuenta que han dejado todo para ser doctor que ya no tengan nada menos el hosptial y el trabajo. Y ser doctor ya es su vida. Yo no quise salir del hospital anoche porque trabajar parecia mejor de regresar a mi apartamento sola sin nadie. Esto es porque me hace falta Honduras...siempre habian alguien alla en la casa. Pero encanto mi trabajo todavia...encanto los hospitales...y se mas que nunca que ser doctora es mi vocacion. Solo tengo que rezar para un balancia en mi vida. Y tengo que confiar en Dios que cuando es el tiempo El va a llevarme de nuevo a Honduras. Y hasta esta momento tengo que seguir ofreciendolo para arriba mi tristeza de no estar en Honduras con uds.!
Que Dios nos bendiga y nos da la fuerza de seguir hoy. Y que podemos recordar de rezar para los misiones...para la gente que estan haciendo lo que los demas de nosotros solo podemos sonar de hacer!!

photos of my Uncles Wedding/ fotos de la boda de mi tio

my uncle, his wife Jerri, and her son

mi tio, su esposa nueva Jerri, y su hijo (mi primo nuevo)

my cousins and I with our grandfather

mis primas y yo con nuestra abuelo

my uncle, his wife Jerri, and my aunt (the pastor)

mi tio, su esposa Jerri, my mi tia (el pastor que hizo la boda)

Prayer Request....Les Pido por Oraciones

My dear friends...I took an MCAT diagnostic test last week and just got my score back. I completely bombed it!! So I have spent the last few days freaking out. The good news is, thinking about not getting a good enough score to get into medical school has helped me realize just how much I want to go to medical school. I feel like this desire is again confirming my vocation to medicine. That being said...wanting it so badly is freaking me out even more. To get a decent score I need to at least DOUBLE my diagnostic score. So I come before you begging for your prayers. I take the MCAT on May 31st and I beg that you help me storm the gates of heaven with prayers. I know this might seem foolish to most of you...it's not like I'm dying or anything...but this is the only thing (other than serve God) that I want to do with my life. Please, please, please pray that I can be disciplined in my studies this semster and do well on the MCAT in May.
Praise God in ALL things!!

solo...recibi los resultados de mi diagnostica para mi examen de entrada a la Universidad de Medicina...y completamente fracaso. Para entrar necesicito ganar mas que doble lo que gane en mi practica. Les escribo de POR FAVOR rezan que puedo ganar mucho en el MCAT. Atravez de mi miedo sobre mis notas me di cuenta de mi deseo todavia de ser doctora. Por favor, ayudame y rezar que puedo tener exito en mi examen es le 31 de mayo. Se que no es como vida y muerte...pero sus oraciones son importantes...es mi vocacion de ser doctora...ayudame de pedir a Dios. por favor, rezan que puedo tener disciplina en mis estudios este semestre y salir con exito en el MCAT en mayo.

Alabemos a Dios en TODAS las cosas!

babies...

today was a new day...and the first day of classes. As always I am already overwhelmed by the amount of work that I will have before me this semester. But as my therapist suggested I made a schedule and realized that if I utilize my time wisely there will be time for all things. Please pray that I will utilize my time wisely.
Instead of getting freaked out I started back up today with my wednesday babysitting of the most adorable 10month old baby ever (other than the Hinckley kids of course...) John Paul. Today JP and I went for a walk and he was great for the first 10 minutes and proceeded to scream for the next 15 minutes. I held him in his snuggley close to my chest and just let him cry because it was time for his nap and he was exhausted. Then a miraculous thing happened...he fell asleep. I continued to walk with him, just enjoying the feeling of having a baby in my arms. We went to the stations of the cross outside church where I prayed my rosary...all the while him sleeping quietly in my arms. then when he was still asleep after 3o minutes we went to adoration. There I sat completely blissful...Jesus in front of me and a sleeping baby. Every once in a while he would make the cutest baby noises (sighs...snoring...sucking on his pacifier, etc). And I continue to be astonished by the beauty in small things...I recieved SO much joy from just holding him for a few hours (and yet still rejoiced when I got to give him back to his mother;) ). Praise God for babies and the eucharist...my source of strength!!

solo dije que hoy fue mi primer dia de clases...estoy un poco estressado ya pero se que si uso mi tiempo bueno puedo hacer todo. Rezan por favor que puedo usar mi tiempo bien. Tambien hoy fui a seguir con mi actividad de los miercoles...cuidando un bebe de 10 meses quien se llama Juan Pablo (no es Juan Pablo Hinckley porsupuesto). Hoy fuimos a caminar, chinandolo en mis brazos. El fue excelente por los primeros 1o minutos, lloro y grito por los proximos 15 minutos (de sueno- fue tiempo para su descanso), y despues...un milagro...el dormio en mis brazos. Siguemos caminando por un rato y despues fuimos a los estaciones de la cruz afuera de mi iglesia. Yo sente alla por como 20 minutos con el dormido en mis brazos. Que paz y tranquilidad. Despues fuimos a adoracion. Yo estaba pensando hoy en adoracion que perfecto fue el momento. Jesus en frente de me, un bebe en mis brazos (quien estaba haciendo ruidos tan preciosos en sus suenos) y todo en paz. Yo sigo ser asustado de la belleza en las cosas chiquitos. Yo recibi tanto alegria solo de chiniarlo por algunas horas...(y tambien de regresarlo a su madre en el fin de dia ;) ) Alabemos a Dios por las cosas chiquitas como bebe's y sonrisas...y las cosas grandes...como Jesus en la eucaristia!!!

joyful occasions/cosas gozosos EN ESPANOL!!

bueno...un amigo me corrigio para no escribir mi blog en espanol (lo siento raul yo pense que nadie estaba leyendolo)

Bueno...fui a Nebraska para la boda de mi tio este fin de semana pasado. El tiene 53 anos y nunca estababa casado antes. Mi tia nueva (jerri) fue la novia de el en universidad. Ella se caso con otro hombre pero de repente divorciaron. Los dos fueron solteros por muchos anos esperando a Dios de llevar su match de alma (no se como se dice "soul mate"). Entonces, este fin de semana reunimos en el campamiento de iglesia Baptista (si mi familia son protestantes) para celebrar el tiempo perfecto de Dios. Durante del ceremonio yo estaba pensando muchas cosas aqui son algunos:

1. Yo no puedo esperar de casarme (bueno...puedo y voy a hacerlo)
Dios esta confirmando en muchas maneras durante estos semanas, meses, y anos pasados mi vocacion al matromonio. Yo estoy en un lugar donde puedo ver la belleza y tengo el deseo de ser completamente de Dios. Puedo ver una vida religiosa y tambien puedo ver la vida soltera como misionera, y tambien puedo ver una vida familiar. Y ya solo quiero hacer que Dios quiere....y creo es casarme.
Pero, tambien, este fin de semana fue sobre entiendo el tiempo perfecto de Dios. Se que ahora no es el tiempo para mi de casarme. Voy a entrar universidad de medicina, ahora no es el tiempo para entrar en el matromonio. Pero, es el tiempo de permitir a Dios de formarme como mujer, futura esposa y madre que EL quiere para me de ser. Hoy es el momento de preparacion para mi vocacion. Por favor, siguen rezando para mi, mi vocacion, y mi esposo futuro quienquieria el puede ser.

2. Encanto ser Catolica!
Mi tia Sandi es un pastor baptista...y ella hizo un buen trabajo en el servicio pero para mi...es como no son casados porque no habia una misa, no habia JESUS en la eucaristia!! Sigo rezando para la conversion de mi familia a la fe catolico!!

3. Voy a ser doctora!!
Esta piensamiento fue claro para mi todo este fin de semana...se (y probablemente uds. tambien) que este semestre no fue facile para mi. Pero la verdad es que estes cosas que estoy estudiando ...no es el parte gozozo. Nadie le gusta este parte...es duro con mucho estress. Pero, menos el estress y el sentido que todo mi futuro esta en los manos de mis notas de este ano...a mi me gusta que estoy estudiando. Me encanta medicina, y hospitales, y ser doctora. Es facile de querer una vida mas simple y facile, que no es llena de luchas...pero Dios no me ha llamado a una vida como esto. Todos luchamos, solo en maneras diferentes. La unica profesion (menos esposa y madre) que quiero es de ser doctora. Y si Dios permite...va a pasar en estos anos. Solo tengo que sobrevivr los proximos 5 meses.

4. Mi vida esta llena de sacrificios pequenos que debo ofrecer.
me di cuenta en estes semanas pasados que tengo mucho de ofrecer a Dios. No son grandes como enfermedades, etc. son pequenos pero creo poderosos por la salvacion de almas. En vez de quejarme sobre mi estress o mis examenes, debo ofrecerles para mi familia, las rosas de maria, los misioneros, etc. Para mi, de no entrar en mi vocacion al matromonio ahora es un sacrificio...ofrezcalo para arriba (no se como se dice "offer it up"). De no vivir en Honduras es un sacrificio...ofrezcalo para arriba!!!! Como santa teresita creo que mi camino hacia la santidad seria una de sacrificios pequenos...

Bueno...entonces, empiezo este semestre renovado en mi animo...con miedo cuando veo tamano de los problemas y projectos pero con la piensamiento en mi mente y alma que la lucha no es mio...Dios esta conmigo y EL va a luchar para mi. Solo tengo que tratar mi mejor y confiar en El. Por favor, rezan para mi y mis estudios. Y Ustedes estan en mis oraciones...ten paciencia con mi espanol se que estoy perdiendo mucho pero estoy tratando. Ojala voy a tomar un clase de espanol este semestre tambien. Rezan para que puedo ofrecer mis sufrimientos y sacrificios pequenos cada dia por la salvacion del almas. Rezan para mi hermana...el diablo esta luchando fuerte para ella...y por todo de mi familia. Les quiero!!!

UNA COSA MAS...MI EXAMEN DE ENTRADA A LA U DE MEDICINA ES 31 DE MAYO!! POR FAVOR AYUNAR Y REZAR ESTE DIA!! Este examen determinara todo mi futuro!!

ALABADO SEA JESU CRISTO....AHORA Y POR SIEMPRE!!!